Leadership retreat

As a second year intern I have not only the responsibility but the opportunity to help lead weekend leadership retreats for our high school aged street leaders. 

This weekend was went up to the great white north also known as Muskoka and had an awesome opportunities to continue building relationships, encourage them spiritually but also to experience with them a weekend of leadership training provided by Muskoka Woods.  

Their beautiful leadership studio has a motto of "A leader is some one who looks at their world and say it doesn't have to be this way and does something about it".

This weekend we experienced a jam backed schedule Friday night till Sunday afternoon of studying Shackleton an explorer in 1922 who lead an 28 men through an incredible, inspiring journey to the south pole. Even though Shackleton never completed the purpose and goal of his journey to the south pole he did complete his own personal goal of bring back every single one of the 28 men alive which is something that rarely happened on these excursions in that time. We learned how to chart a course using only a map and ruler, experienced the personal roles of the 28 men and talked through the many challenges and unique way Shackleton had of leading.  We also talked about self leading, personality types using the DISC test and spend an afternoon building a very challenging bridge representing the fact that as a leader you also need to be a bridge builder for your team.  

Beyond all of this my favorite part of the weekend was during of debreifs a time when we sat down and reflected on what we learned and shared. As normal people tend to be afraid to speak up and share their thoughts and ideas but our trainer had an extraordinary gift of calling people out and asking the right questions to help them working through the things they were learning as well as challenging them to not stop there. One young lady who was only 14 was very hesitant and also said statements like "I don't have a dream", "I don''t know", "There is nothing I want to do".  As she kept prodding it was discovered that she did have a dream, in fact a very big, very specific already thought out plan. She wants to go to Korea and teach English in grade two and has already started learning some Korean.  The debreif times are designed not only to help discuss the things we learned but to ignite passion, to give room to voice dreams, step out of boxes and to be stretched to confidence. 

As we finished this weekend before we walked over the suspended bridge to represent us as bridge building leaders as re entering the world that we came from we each had to stay one thing we would as a leader say doesn't have to be this way because we are going to do something about it. These young leaders also have coaches who will be checking in with them and helping them to be moving forward in their communities to be involved in a leadership role of some kind and to start chasing their dreams.

It's not about your age

As you know my primary role is working with youth, kids of the ages from 11-14. This can be an interesting age as so much is going on in their busy consistently changing lives. But over my time here I have been able to branch out and been able to build relationships with the families that these youth come from. During the last four months we have for the first time been able to be more intentional with seeking out the mothers for the purpose of building relationship with them. Myself along with a few other young ladies I work with have been able to partner alone side of a local church and bring the mothers we are connected with though our kids to their weekly Mom’s Arise program.

This program has been such a blessing to myself as well as everyone I see attending it. It has provided the time and space to be able to mentor in a walking alongside them through life kind of way. It is a very daunting role to play, I feel unable most of the time to offer any kind of advice or comfort to so many of their tough situations.

Recently I watched the movie “The pursuit of happiness” which is about a man and his child just barely getting by in their life. He has a lot of potential but cannot seem to get a chance to prove himself or to get anywhere. He fights hard and realizes that sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better. He then steps out with a lot of faith and signs on for an unpaid internship which has a 1 in 20 chance of him being employed after a couple months. During this time he has to sink to lining up at 5 p.m. every day to stay in a shelter as he fought for his chance in life for happiness.

This movie reminded in so many ways of the situations a lot of the moms and people in the communities I work in are in. Situations that leave them feeling like they have no options and will only make their situation worse if they try anything different. There are no easy answers to so many of the stories, situations and circumstances I hear and are shared in confidence. I do not have the wisdom to offer or solutions that will “fix” their “problem”.

One day late Nov I was overwhelmed and burdened by the many things going wrong in one woman’s life which was affecting her entire family. I was burdened in a way that made me tired and frustrated. I met together with my supervisor and community director for advice and what was said to me frustrated me greatly but has been something that I have not been able to forget and is a constant good reminder for me. He said “When you are seeking wisdom you go to someone who is older then you for wisdom, when these woman are seeking wisdom they do not think about your age but they come to you because you have wisdom they do not”. He proceeded to remind me that I am unable to offer any kind of advice that will do any good but I do know the One who is able to provide everything that they need. I am not in the position I am in because I have the answers or because I am able to do anything about it. I am in those position to walk along side and to journey together with them as a sister.

It has been such a joy to get to know these woman but also such a learning experience as I am shown how little there is that I am able to offer because everything I have in is because of what I have in Christ. It has also been such an encouragement in the last few weeks to see such a change in just one of our mom’s. She is a mother who we thought would never come out to something like this and she would have preferred never to come out but as she puts it “I didn't want to come at first but eventually I gave in and came around”. She doesn't miss a day now and has completely changed from a hard woman who stiffened in hugs and would not speak to laughing so hard she cries and being moved to tears for others, in speaking and sharing willingly. Sure there may be a long way to go but we have a relationship and see is willing in ways she wasn't before. What potential this brings for the New Year as we continue meeting together regularly.

Please pray regularly for our moms and for our weekly gatherings with them on Wednesday mornings. Pray for opportunities and openness to be able to speak with them about the gospel and for acceptance in their hearts to make in their own. If you will mark your calendars Wednesday mornings or Tuesday nights be in pray for Mom’s Arise. 

A mess of my thoughts on a Christmas Eve.

It’s the day before Christmas, my first one in the city filled with buzzing people going here and there and every with arms and bags full of packages. This Christmas is a little bit different, the weather has been worth remember as it has left a lot of people without hydro and still I over hear plenty enough conversations of mothers, aunts, brothers, family members without hydro. And yet everyone is up and about to gather together for the celebrations of this time of year.

It is my first time being in the city so close to Christmas, actually it is currently 12:08 a.m. and so technically it is Christmas. It is very different here in the city compared to the quiet country. Things are a buzz here, early this morning I myself was rushing around to find some port loins to make the famous German schnitzel for our Christmas Eve dinner with the German interns. After many unrelated stops we were on the subway well on our way to arriving and I finally just slowed down enough to look around.

Right next to us was a family of what culture I am still not quick sure many Romanian or some eastern European is my uneducated guess. They sat together speaking in what to me was a foreign language, but what I was able tell was that they were happy as the two little boys nibbling on a cracking and sipping hot chocolate from a shared thermos. Next to them was an Asia couple chatting away. Beyond them was a young lady by herself tuned into whatever musical device was in her pocket. Across the aisle was what seemed to be two friends who had met up to chat on this Christmas Eve and were discussing hair color and random events of life? As I gazed farther down the car there was what seemed to be an unending amounts of people from all country and culture and many different languages. If I closed my eyes and just listened I could make out very little but putting aside all language, culture and whatever differences what I could sense was just a presence of togetherness as we were all on this train on this day, each heading somewhere with some purpose and most of us with smiles on their faces.

It made me think of how big this world is, of all the countries and cultures, peoples and religions. Made me think of how each person in that train had some understanding of this time of the year being a time of year to celebrate something and how being with family and friends seems to be important. Made me think of all the many ways and reasons people were and are celebrating. It made me think of how ever person in that train was exactly like me, just another person in this world, seemingly small, unimportant, just another person traveling to be with loved ones. Just another person working their way through this world very much doing their own thing but without really knowing and understanding living their lives with so many random strangers as we all travel together.

But yet if you think long term of where we are all going many do not know. Many of no idea where the train is heading and when or where they are going to arrive. Many are lost and don’t understand the subway map of this life and yet why not, we are all celebrating Christmas are we not and if we are celebrating Christmas should we also not understand why we are celebrating Christmas. Ah but there is a probably, so many do not even know why they are celebrating Christmas. How did Christmas even come to be? A reason to be with family and friends to give and to receive sounds good enough and so many do not even bother to think past that to why this holiday exists. It’s not like it is hidden, I was walking through Sears tonight on my way to get a coffee at Tim’s since church had been canceled due to hydro being out when I noticed a children’s toy nativity set. It sadly surprised me that these are still being sold, I did not expect it to still be “advertised” but it’s not as hidden as some of us tend to think it is. The day before today I was in another store and “Away and the manger” was being play loud and clear over the speakers for all to hear. “The little lord Jesus asleep in the hay”, people hear stuff like this all the time. Some time I wonder what people really do think of it all.

I love listening to other languages, to hear and yet to not understand. To at times be able to follow along by understanding a word here and there is like a game to me. It makes me feel like I am a part of something bigger then myself when there is something that is a mystery right before my own eyes or ears. I don’t know why this all made me think so much or affected me in this way but it made me feel very happy. Sitting on that training watching people represented from all over the world sitting in one train in one city, celebrating the same thing whether they are aware of it or not and to see them smiling and the irony is they don’t even know why such a thing as Christmas causes them to smile, imagine if they actually did and the real joy it would bring to their faces.  

My perspective

Two weeks had finally come together and as I stood taking it all in all I felt was joy. The basement glowed of Christmas lights and candles lighting the tables surrounded by our kids and their families enjoying a Christmas banquet. Christmas music played in the back ground as people talking and laughing with each other.

Moments later I was standing to the side of the stage with a group of kids watching my face intensely as we listened to the music and the que for them to go on stage for their part of the skit. The words said “Oh little town of Bethlehem looks like another silent night…… what will you miss while you are sleeping”. As the music boomed their the sanctuary I could see the audience drenched in pride of seeing their children 

on stage as well as the being able to experience the excitement of backstage 

as the kids finished their roles and came running back to receive the affirmation that 

they indeed did an excellent joy.

Not long later I was back down stairs, a few girls asking me for clarification having been shocked to hear from the previous message given upstairs that sinners are not allowed in heaven. I was able to explain the bases of why we need Jesus and what He did in order to make us sinless and thus able to stand before God as kids ran by throwing their arms around my waist wishing me a Merry Christmas, “see you after Christmas Jello”. Then I was back in the glowing room of lights and candles packaging the leftover food for families to take home. There expression bursting with thanks at the size of the trays. A young girl’s mouth gasped, “I get to take all of this home?”

Before I knew it everyone had left and as we switched into cleaning mode I was amazed by how blessed I could be by an evening of serving and celebrating something so grand as the birth of the Savior of the world, to be able to share this message and have relationship and laughing throughout it all is one of the greatest gifts we receive as a constant gift of Christmas. 

Fear

Tonight on walk homes two little boys spent the last few minutes before arriving at their home asking me repeatable to make sure I remember to inform their family member who good they had been, how well they listened, or happy they had been at camp. As we entered their hallway they did a double check to make sure their hat, scarfs and mitts where all on correctly to avoid being yelled at for not dressing properly.

As I stood at the door honestly reporting how well the boys had been, how well they listen and the ways we had seen them improve I knew they were both staring up at me hoping I would not forget any of the details. Once I had finished with the good report of the day it was responded with a far to brief nod of the head before negative words and bad past behave was spoken over them. Their hopeful smiles disappeared for once again there had been no acknowledgement, no praise or smile or high five. Just a slight nod before they were once again talked down and told off.

Fear, is a feeling that too many of our kids experience. This may not seem so odd for you to believe or imagine as you are aware that they all come from rough neighborhoods. Of course coming from such places would cause fear, but it is not so much the neighborhoods that I see them fearing. It is not the guys down the block or the house over there. It is not the crowding hanging in front of their building or the shading looking fellow sitting in his car.

They fear something that has a far bigger influence in their lives. They fear going home, they fear the very people the live with. The fear their family whether it is an older brother, cousin, grandma, mother or random person who dwells with them. They fear the harshness, the negativity spoken over their lives, the hurtful words and actions that are said or shown without a single thought.

As I walked away from their door, the young leader walking with me shook his head in his own disappointment with the situation as he mumbled how unfair it is. Why can’t they just be proud of themselves for 2 minutes before you shut them down again? As we discussed the unfairness of the situation I turned to Him and said, “I guess that’s why we are here doing what we are”. We can’t change any of it but we can speak positive, proud, loving words into these kids and we must, because we may be the only ones who are! 

Just to hang out

He is 13, growing up far too fast and is becoming preoccupied with other things besides camp. He is really into basketball and it is not uncommon for him to ditch us “leaders” to go to practice. Now this is not all bad, it is a good discipline and training he is getting, but the down side of it is though that we miss him at camp. Since the beginning of Sept he has not come Friday nights due to practice but this past Friday He stopped by for the few hours before camp and before his basketball practice just to hang out.

We messed around in the gym for a bit, chatted and had some fun teasing him. We at one point duck taped him to a post in the office trying to find a way to make him stay for the night all in fun of course. We laughed a lot of it was good. When it was time for him to head to practice he came to find me and asked me if I would walk him to the bus stop. Now this may seem very insignificant but let me tell you why this meant too much to me. This young man has a fear, a fear of walking alone in the dark. He lives in a very rough neighborhood and it is probably a good fear to have. Last year every Friday night when it was time to go home he would change from being a tough kid who didn't need anything from anyone to being a little boy asking me to walk him home and so I did every Friday night, it became a routine and one that I treasured.

This year things have changed and he had not until this night asked me to walk him anywhere. It meant a lot as I walked him to the bus stop 20 meters from the church. It wasn't far, he could have done it but he preferred to have me walk him. When I first met this kid we did not get alone, in fact he really didn't like me but the beautiful thing is a year later he comes by just to see me and to hang out. He has this place where he knows he can come any time and will be valued and loved and no matter how old he is I will still walk him to the bus stop.

Shoe less

It started like any ordinary kid's trip, we met up with the kids at the church and caught the bus to get to our location this week being down town to go to the St Lawrence Market. We had 5 girls and I was really excited to take them some where new and spend some time laughing with them. If I only knew.
After quiet a long but fun trip we went exiting the subway to walk to the market, it wasn't far now, almost there. Then at the top of the escalator my foot got caught as I should have been getting off. Because i did not step off of the last step my shoe slide under the tiny little gap. I tried to pull it out but since I was on a moving escalator I had nothing to get leverage off of and before I knew it my foot slide out of the shoe and it vanished through the gap, crap!

We all fell into a great heap laughing at the insanity of it all and before I could blink one of the young girls started grabbing newspaper from the shelve to make me a paper shoe. Due to a nice TTC worker who provide elastic bands we were able to fashion a shoe and off we set again. Only problem was it was raining, not quite the right condition to be walking around with a paper shoe. I was humiliated for any of you who know me I hate standing out and being out of control, now I was both walking down the street with one shoe and newspaper. After we wondered through St Lawrence Market we replaced the wet newspaper with a plastic bag which looked "way" better.

My plan all alone was to buy a new pair of shoes quickly but it never felt worth it enough to drag all the kids to a shoe store besides they enjoyed laughing at me and so for the next four hours I  walked around with a plastic bag and then my sock, down the streets, through the Eaton Center and all the way back home on the TTC. My foot was freezing but I was also learning some very valuable lessons, let go of the pride its really not worth it just learn how to laugh at it. Second how much I take my shoes for granted and what it feels like to be without a basic need ( or does it even count as a need?) while everyone around you has it without even considering the fact. It was a fun day but all my girls say the best part was me losing my shoe and walking without it for 5 hours in the rain. I'm glad it made their day because it was my favorite pair of shoes so it makes it all worth it in the end. Defiantly the strangest thing that has ever happened to me and I will definitely be careful on escalators from now on and none of my girls will ever forget to tell me to be careful when I get onto one.