My heart of thanks

1. For my family who is so helpful and is putting up with my boxes of stuff and furniture being everywhere over the last few days

2. Having my whole family home this past Sunday.

3. For an apartment to work out in such perfect timing

4. All the side blessings of the location of this apartment (close to the community I work in, to a grocery store, subway station, my bank, the lake shore to go running and an indoor swimming pool for my roommate)

5. The joy of being able to feel sad about moving out of the house and farther away from my brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces and parents knowing that I will be missed and that I will miss them, it hurts a little but I would not want to leave any other way.

6. Very thankful for the past three months I have had living closely with my family, restoring, building and maintaining relationships to what they are today!

7. My dad who helped me finish restoring my kitchen set last minute

8. For the many many ways God has provided for so many different needs through so many different people!

Such a mixture of feelings of excitement and arrival of something I have waited for yet the sudden realization of the full reality of what it all entails. Come home three months ago was something that I was quite worried about, it is hard to move home after being independent for two years. I knew it would be a stretch to say that fitting in the routines and schedules of my busy large family would be easy. I knew that there would be times that I would clash with certain siblings just like I did when I lived at home before. At the same time I also knew some of my relationships within my family were at stake, that there was growing frustrations and hurt as well as the destroyer of communication; misunderstanding. It was scary coming home and not knowing if I would be able to hold my tongue, to love regardless or to be bold, honest and authentic enough to work through certain things.

On Sunday my whole family came home for dinner. We typically gather early for thanksgiving and so on Sunday the 24 of us gathered around a table and gave thanks. It's tradition starting with the youngest all sharing one things we are thankful for, with the rule of it being only one thing and no repeats aloud. I love my family and as we sat laughing and sharing conversation I was.......I am  tearing up.  I am very very very thankful for the time that I have had at home. I am soo thankful for the relationships my family have with each other, for the way we stick together and also find our way back home. For the way we protect and can be hard on each other simply because we care. I am thankful for my three blood sisters though different we are to the extremes we work through them, for my extra two sisters who bring life, joy to our family. For my eight tough protective caring each in their own way brothers and the brother in law who fits right in. For my three adorable nephews, my little lady of a niece and my parents who give and give and give for all of us!

I am thankful that this is hard, I wouldn't want it to be easy because than it wouldn't be this good!

 

Back to….whatever it is you’re doing

September brings order and routine back into our lives after the business of the summer.  Although not much changes personally for me in regards to my routine things around me are changing and returning back to the normal rhythm of life. The school bus makes its way down my street picking up the kids for first day of school and program after program begins up again whether it’s in the corporate world,  church, or community centre, it’s the season for programs and schedules.

Just like everything else UrbanPromise is also starting up their afterschool programs. The new interns for this season have arrived and planning has begun as we look into the next year of building relationships for the purpose of reaching children, raising leaders and restoring community. I am eager to be a part of all of this as soon as possible! I am thankful for the small ways I am able to be a part of it and am eager to soon meet the new interns who have come for a year to serve and love in our communities.

As I look at where I am at financially as I work towards having 70% of my yearly financial goal of $30,000 I am continually amazed by the way God provides. In the times of worry, anxiousness and concern He is never out of control and is using so many people in my life to make this possible in ways that I don’t always understand! I am close to my goal but am still in need of monthly financially supporters who will partner with me so that I can move forward into full time ministry. If you are interested in partnering with me or have thought about it at all please contact me with any questions you may have or just go ahead and visit the website for details or to make a one time or monthly donation at www.urbanpromise.com.

Please also continue to pray for me, that this would not be my work or my mission but that it would be God’s and that I am simply just joining Him in. Please pray for His perfect timing in all of this and that he would prepare me to fill the responsibilities that are required of me.  

Active verses passive

When someone tells you or when something requires you to wait it tends to be natural to feel like you are doing nothing. Being out on hold on the phone feels like a waste of time and we can so quickly think of better things we could be doing with are time, like actually doing something.

This summer as I have been in the middle of a great many things and in what feels like limbo as I transition I have often felt like I wasn’t doing much. Here I am back living at home working on raising support. To start with how do you even do that? It wasn’t something I was used too; it wasn’t like picking corn for three hours and being paid a wage for it. It is something very different. It was difficult to know what to do while at the same time recognizing that in the large scheme of things there is nothing I can do. It isn’t and it will never be up to me.

As a struggled trying to figure out what I was able to do I kept running into words like hope, trust, be still, wait. Words that frustrated me, that seemed to be telling me that my role was to be passive not active. Yet as I read through the words of Psalm 37:5-7 I was amazed by the clearness and the assurance found in it.  “Commit your ways to the Lord, trust in Him and He will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him” Notice the words it uses to instruct us, commit, trust, be still and wait. To me those do not sound like action words, they sounded like defeat or surrender words, they sounded passive. But what did sound active was what God would do, he will act and bring. How come my role is to just commit, trust, be still, sit back wait and do nothing?

There is an unwillingness in me to do these things and truth be told it is a lot more work to truly commit and trust, to wait, hope and be still waiting for Him to work. Choosing each day to commit your way to God, to trust Him without doubting and choosing to be still rather than anxious waiting expectantly for Him to move is not something that say and choose quick before your feet hit the floor in the morning.  It is a daily long process, a never ending action of choosing how your are going to be and what you choose to do in the midst of the waiting and trusting.

Practically I find it hard to understand, to explain to myself or to others mostly because it isn’t a formula. How simple it would be if it was, just a nicely as 2+2=4, commit + trusting = means fill in the blank. But it’s not that way is it. There is not formula on how to trust without doubting or to wait patiently. What there is though is an incredible peace that comes when it is being chosen and lived out. There is an absence of fear, concern and worry when you choose to life in the light of the power of a God that is far greater than anything you could do.

Final day of Summer Camp

After 6 weeks of summer camp programs being run in 6 different locations across Toronto by the supervisors, program directors, streetleaders and interns this summer I was able to join them for their final camp day! 180 (roughly) were all bused to Anchor back for the day for a BBQ and carnival games. After being absent from program all summer I was thrilled to be able to join them for the day. It had been two months since I had seen the kids and youth that I haven’t spent the past two years working with, pouring into and loving on a daily bases. I was well over due to see them and was met by my girls tackling me for hugs. Once I gained a solid standing position I was able to see their faces one at a time and hug them. I felt at home!

As the day unfolded and the other camp’s arrived, Tracy; one of the current supervisors from the youth program at camp hope came and asked me to come meet with her group of youth in a large group. This may seem like no big deal but this group of youth are going to be the youth that I will be supervising upon my return to UrbanPromise. In about a month Tracy will be finishing her time with UrbanPromise and has begun explaining to the youth that she is leaving and that I will be their new supervisor just as soon as I am able to return. I know most of these youth to see them, their names I don’t quite have the hang of yet. Tracy introduced me to them as a group and then one at a time I heard their names and tried my best to remember them all.

The rest of the day I spent spending time with two much loved groups of youth. The ones I have spent the previous two years investing and pouring into and the ones that I already love and will spend the next three years building relationships and investing in. It may sound difficult or like I am being torn or pulled in two directions but the beauty of it is that it is the same. The same God, the same ministry, the same city and I am so thankful that I get to be a part of it all. Yes, change can be hard and everyone is always affected by it to some degree but I know that the relationships I have already begun will be able to be continued and the ones that are just beginning have a long journey ahead of me. I am excited for what the future holds as God has not only called me to a certain place but has clearly shown the need and the potential for what He has in store. In the end 6 different programs but we are one big family of UrbanPromise Toronto!

I am eager to start in this new role and I am feeling the urgency to have the financial support in place so that I am able to begin. I know that God’s timing is not always what we prefer or want but that His timing is perfect. With full acknowledgment of this I ask that if you are considering partnering with me financially that you contact me to ask how you can do this kiezebrink.janelle@gmail.com or at the website www.urbanpromise.com

The art of molding

Modeling clay is really cool stuff. It is fun, feels a little messy on the hands but in reality isn't very messy at all. You can create whatever your mind can image; it can be completive or relaxing. It feels good to create, to take your time or to finish quickly and it feels even better to accomplish, to finish something and to think that it looks great. Interesting though that on the flip side there are a lot less positive feelings involved even though it is the King of the universe that is the one doing the molding of the clay. (Jeremiah 18) As he builds us, molds us, reminds us that He is the one in complete control, it can be uncomfortable but to rightly understand who He is should not make us uncomfortable but rather security in His hands.

It is just under one month away from being September. And for most people that isn’t exciting news as we would prefer summer to last forever. Myself I am very eager for September, yet the name of this month also brings a lot of uncertain feelings for me. I am holding loosely to this hope of being able to move to Toronto and to begin a new season of life with UrbanPromise Toronto, yet hold it loosely because it isn’t my decision to make. As I working on communicating my need for this fall I am reminded time and time again that it has very little to do with what I am doing and has everything to do with what God is doing. He is the molder, He is the creator and He is the one creating, building and strengthen not only my relationships, trust and dependency on Him but is working on the hearts and lives of many people involved and connected to me.

This may sound all cheery and great, that I understand or am confident in the fact that I am not the one in control or that I am perfectly comfortable and relaxed in the fact that He is working this all out to the praise of His name. I wish that was all true and there are glimpses of time when it is. The more realistic picture of it all is me pathetically trying to manage on my own, frantically thinking that I am the one in control only to sink as Peter did in the waves when His eyes left Jesus and became fixed on the waves swirling around him. My eyes can so often we fixated on the things surrounding me, circumstances, feelings and what I think I am able to do in the midst of it all.

“Lord save me” Matt 14:30, was peter’s cry. He was drowning in what surrounded him; he was completely helpless and cried out to Jesus. “Immediately”, what sweet words, immediately. Jesus did not wait, He did not make Pete gravel or beg, rather immediately, without delay, Jesus reached out his hand and took hold of him. “Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?” Peter knew Jesus, had seen Jesus just a few days earlier feed 5,000 men with only 5 loaves and 2 fish. Where was his faith, it had been replaced with his eyes, his focus fixed on the circumstances surrounding him.

I feel like Peter, one minute I am amazed by Jesus, by His grace in so many ways, great and small, only to be one of little faith letting my circumstances overwhelm me. What an assurance it is to know that when I cry out to Him, He will immediately extend His hand to pick me up again!

A lesson in giving thanks

Just recently I was reading a book that I had put off reading for the past two years, 1000 Gifts. In this book the writer Ann Voskamp speaks of the Greek word Eucharisteo best explained from Luke 22:19 where when Jesus took bread He gave thanks before he broke it. Eucharisteo, the a constant practice of giving thanks.


On Wednesday morning I was spending a view hours working at a local vegetable farm selling strawberries and fresh peas. I was giving thanks for the peas, for how simple it seemed from my point of view to grow peas, you plants it, weed it, God sends rain to water it and before you know it we're picking and selling. But when I pondered everything involved that God did behind the scene's it amazed me and I was moved to give thanks.


A couple hours later things weren't looking so wonderful anymore. I received disappointing news, I couldn't move forward with my long planned dream of getting an apartment with a dear friend for September. It would have been foolish to move forward with such plans when the rest of my plans were still uncertain, once again I would have to wait. It has been a season of learning to wait for me, I get so excited to move ahead full force so quickly and God has over and over again slowed down my plans and moved me to a place of submitting my plans, ideas and dreams to His will and His timing.


Wednesday afternoon in my disappointment, I questioned myself. Only a couple hours I was rejoicing over the complexity of pea's and how carefully God tends to things that we often don't even recognize and now here I was fretting over myself and my plans. The question that kept coming to my mind was what has changed? My attitude definitely had, but what had actually changed outside of myself? The answer of nothing, sure my understand of a situation had changed but the circumstances hadn't change, God hadn't changed, His sovereignty over the pea's and my life had not even budged a little bit. Consequently what followed this was the conviction that if God was the same, His provision and care remained unchanged, then why had my giving thanks changed so dramatically in the moments of disappointment?


Since last Wednesday God has given me great reason to rejoice. In the many ways I have been able to see His perfect timing on display, the many words of encouragement and the ways I am able to see his provision. Thank you for many of you who have been used in the past few days of being part of God's lessons to me.


"But now O Lord, You are my Father, I am the clay, and You are the potter, I am the work of your hand." Isaiah 64:8


Continue to mold me

JEHOVAH-JIREH: "The Lord Will Provide"

I have heard often enough that trusting or having faith in times that are easy isn't real faith. It is when things get difficult that our faith is really put to the test. This week has been filled with many moments of needing to remind myself that trusting and having faith in situations that seem far to big are also the moments that show me how strong my faith actually is.

This summer has been a season of raising financial support for the future as I prepare to move into full time permeate ministry with UrbanPromise Toronto, to be able to do this I depend on financial support being donated by monthly partners or one time givers. I am also required to raise 70% of my $30,000 financial goal for a year. This seems like such a large number, yet thinking of living in Toronto it makes sense but that doesn't make it any less intimidating.

Currently, I have about 20% of this goal raised for which I am very thankful and have experienced much amazement of God's provision. I am also eagerly desiring to being back with Urban Promise as soon as possible. The supervisor position I will be filling in the Warden Woods Community in Scarborough is going to available in September and it is my prayer to be able to fill this role right away and begin come September. To be able to do this I still need to have 50% aka $15,000 raised in one time gifts or monthly donations.

I humble ask you to first, visit the website to really understand what it is that UrbanPromise Toronto does in serving Toronto and the need that we seek to meet or contact me with questions!
Second, I ask that you pray and consider how you might be able to support me as I continue on this humbling endeavor of following God and trusting that He will provide in His timing and in His way as I follow Him in being obedient to the things that He has called me too.

"O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things and your Father knows that you need the. Instead, seek his kingdom and these things will be added to you." Matthew 12:28b-31

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the convictions of things not seen." Heb 11:1

Please contact me with any questions you may have at kiezebrink.janelle@gmail.com
To make a donation please visit www.urbanpromise.com and find my name under donate, support a missionary.