Conversations with a young man

It was an evening before good Friday and we wanted to be able to have fun with the kids as well as to be able to tell them the great story of Easter in a way that it would not be like just hearing the story like they have so many times before. We set up the basement with stations and thanks to one of my talented fellow leaders who wrote a scrip we were able to have the kids walk through the Easter story in a more real way.The plan was solid and we were excited but it was very difficult to get the forty kids quiet and paying attention. It felt like an uphill battle for us leaders. When we made the transition from the garden of Gethsemane to the high priest one of my boys refused to move.

Knowing this particular boy and his personality which is quite unique I decided to take time to sit and question his response instead of asking him to directly join the rest of the kids. He solemnly told me that He did not want to partake in what was going on because of the disrespect and horrible behavior of the other kids. He was upset and frustrated at how little attention they were paying to something that He knew was very important and serious.

He hopelessly stated “why do you even bother doing this when no one is paying attention anyways?” I was then able to speak and convey to him that because of the importance and seriousness of the topic I was something that we felt we had to do. Even if the kids were not all sitting in quiet rows, even if only one child came to understand what Easter really means that it is worth it. I was able to quietly tell him that my whole year would be worth it if only one kid came to understand a little bit more about our Savior. I also spoke into his response and told Him that even if nothing changed with the other kids, if what we were doing made no difference then it was even enough for me to see that He understand how serious it was and that he was  grieved and upset that no one else seemed to be upset about it. He did very little talking during this time,

 and refused eye contact but as I finished He started nodding his head, as a smile brushed over his face he raised His eyes to meet mine and said, “Okay, Jello!”

This young boy gets it; He knows His Bible and understands the just of it. He is very respectful of it and always asks a lot of questions wanting to learn more. His understanding isn't perfect there is a lot of fear and pressure as to how one should behave but He is dedicated and seeks to do well.  He went on from that conversation to join the other kids and to try and convince them to pay attention to the important message being given.

This conversation I had with him was precious to be because I was able to better understand him, help him better understand but the best part is I was able to challenge Him to not give up in frustration because even though this disgust, frustrate and get the better of us there is a bigger purpose and reason for everything and because of this we do not have to give up but can press on in Him strength!

From Ashes to Flame

People can say a lot of things, like you are good a….. or your skilled in do…..or your spiritual gift is……

But when it comes down to it I so often find that I hear these things, appreciate them and who they came from and yet still remain uncertain as to how I am gifted or skilled. Even though I may be good at something ones or twice I don’t feel like I excel in it and I still feel so many weaknesses inside of me that although these words are encouraging, self-doubt and uncertainty remain.I can feel strong and confident, I can even appear to feel this way when in fact I actually don’t and I can normally get by and make it through things without crashing to hard in self-doubt or insecurities.

A couple weekends ago I was in Muskoka woods running a March break camp with 50 youth. I had helped plan the entire weekend, was executing the plan while leading other leaders and trying to actively be involved with the 50 youth. It was an incredible weekend and a lot of work. On the second evening things got pretty over whelming for me, I know I can lead and I have been told I am good at it but I wasn't always feeling like it and it got overwhelming. I was frustrated with someone on my team which completely drains my energy if I don’t get a chance to talk it out but did not get a chance due to all the demands, add that to lack of sleep and I was not in a very good state. The next morning I was able to talk things through and figure everything to get back on to the right page but then I had to go lead a bible study for everyone and this did not seem feasible.

I had struggled over writing this bible study for the past couple of weeks. The scripture I was going to used changed three times and the contend changed daily as I prayed over it to see what it was God wanted me to teach this particular morning. What I had to present and teach I had actually only written three days earlier and was not super familiar with the content. I was not in a good position nor did I feel the least bit confident or capable of doing what I knew I had to do. Arriving at the building to start one of my friends and co-leader came over and asked how I was feeling about leading knowing that I was in tight stop. He offered to pray over me and prayed that God would use me this morning.

I went from a troubled, anxious spot to stepping to the front of the room ready to do my very best no matter what others thought or how I felt. Peace took over and I spoke, I spoke on humility which was rather ironic. Told of how Jesus stooped and washed his disciple’s feet, rather relevant topic since the room stunk of feet. Continued by sharing how Jesus also humbled himself by coming down from the heavenly places as a baby to live in this world and then die for our salvation. The notes were in my hand but they went unread, the words just came and continued to poor of my mouth. I was speaking to myself more then I was speaking to anyone else in the room being in awe over the humble state of my Savior. The room was silent and I knew as I finished speaking of the awesomeness of our God that He had done a mighty thing that morning. He took what were ashes and made them burn hot in a large flame. That morning I was an ashes burning out of fire and flame and I was entirely open to Him taking over and He made a fire of passion for Him and for the 50 youth in the room to know Him.

It is difficult to explain without sounding crazy and I was hesitant about writing this for others to read. No one will fully understand what happened that morning, how God brought me to such a low place so that He could work through for me for the glory of His holy name. It is hard to get others to understand how much that experience did to me and what it continues to teach me.

People can say a lot of things and sometimes they are true and other times they are not so true but one thing I do know is that God knows me perfectly He has gifted me and enables me to use these gifts by His work in me.  

Community

Living in Toronto has allowed for me to get to know a lot of really great people, not only in the community I work in but also in my building. Last night when I got home from my weekend back in Barrie I dumped my bags and headed to the apartment right next door for my neighbors son's tenth birthday.

I first met this family back in the summer, they are from Africa and are very African. Any time you go over to say hi or to visit they pretty well force you to eat and drink and sit and stay for a couple hours like you have nothing else to do. Over the past 8 months of living next door to them I have spend a few evenings with them, a couple birthdays and many hugs in passing in the hallways with their 5 kids!

Last night was different though, last night they formally invited me along with the others I life with to come over at 5:30 for a birthday dinner....I was an hour late but did not miss a thing as time doesn't really mean a lot to them. They are very cultural and cook real African food which was quiet the experience. They also for the first time since I have been there also invited extended family over. So picture this, here we were, a family of 7, extended family 12, Germans 5 and me a Canadian crammed into one small apartment. We sang, prayed a blessing over the food and dug into dinner {what ever it was}. I spend some time with the father of the family talking and He expressed so much gratitude for the community that we could be today. That His family could be present but that His extended family in Christ could also be there and be like family to him. He called us His colorful family :)

African food can be interesting and we don't always know what we are eating or how to eat it but if we do it wrong they are quick to show us how to do it proper as well as piling more and more food on to our plates. Honestly the food is never ended when we go there.

It is really cool being able to build relationships that I have with this family especially with their middle daughter  Ajak, we are buddies :) It's fun being included in their family at times since they are so friendly, they continually give me trouble for not coming over more often but it is really cool to just see how God works in simple ways like this!

Snow balls

Yesterday I was at the front door for when kids arrived to let them in and sign them in. A couple of the ten year old boys stayed a little longer on in the side yard to play in the snow. It was a really nice sunny day yet still pretty cool, it started with just one guy out in the snow rolling around and then making snowballs. Perfect packing snow. 

Child number two quickly joined and was almost a bad influence in suggesting throwing the snowballs and the other kids arriving. Not long after the third boy joined and the rest of the kids went inside. I stood there for awhile by myself watching these boys who normal are trouble makers just packing snow balls. 

I was mesmerized in watching them as they communicated, continued to pack snowballs and made a pile of them. I could not help but wonder what they planned to do with them and only hoped they did not start pelting people with them. 

It took me awhile to figure why I was enjoying watching them so much but then I realized that these three boys are only ten. So much of their life is so messed up and they lack so much of the normal child like attitude. They don't have those experience of sitting in a sand box for hours, or have snow forts or other things like that like I did when I was here age. 

Although I would not call these boys mature yet in so many ways that have had to to be! They are not expected to be young boys and play in a way that is just fun. There is so much tension in their lives, so much worry and fear. Their lives so are fast pace they don't have hours and hours to build snow forts like I did when I was ten. When I think of my sister Inake and what she is like as a ten year old I can see such a different between her and the ten year old's that I see every day.

Seeing these three young guys packing snowballs made my day because they were just being kids......... like they should be!

Muskoka Retreat

Just for a heads up I am exhausted....trying to stay awake for a bit longer though so please bear with my spelling and or sentences making any sense.

It is currently 6:30 and even though I as well as every other person on the bus coming home from Muskoka feel asleep I think it will take me a few days to catch up on sleep.

The last four days have been one of the best experiences of my life. This past year working with Urban Promise has taught, stretched and grown me so much but in the past four days I was able to experience all these things as well as amazing intimate relationships with my kids.

There is something about taking people outside of their comfort zone that results in a lot of change, both in myself as person and leader but for the kids as well.

They are used to and comfortable with concrete and buildings reaching into the sky and when they our taken three hours away from that to a place that is dark, unknown and quiet some really amazing things are able to happen.

This weekend for me was challenging as leader leading fellow leaders as well as a group of 47 youth, 30 of them which I didn't really even know until this weekend. Running program, getting up in front of them all and pretty well preaching the gospel to them is defiantly outside of my comfort zone. Unexpected problems and frustrations arose which need to be dealt with on top and doing everything else I just listed. But God really used these times to teach me to find my strength in Him as well as following His agenda and not my own. 

Watching the and experiencing news things with my kids was defiantly the highlight!

Just being out in the snow and quiet winter north or sleeping in a cabin was a new and exciting experience. Comforting them when they are scared of the dark, tucking them into bed at night and waking them up in the morning. Just being with them for 37 hours straight was really neat. Simple things build relationships such as brushing your teeth together and eating meals together. 

Muskoka Woods provided some really exciting activities for us to do such as wall climbing, snow tubing, skateboarding, snowshoeing and rollerskating. New, scary and yet exciting things for us to do, one of my boys went wall climbing and got to the top very quickly only to freak out at the top and refused to let go of the wall to be lowed. Skate boarding and roller skated kept me busy dressing kids in elbow and knee protection and lots of laughter as they fell all over the place. Another part of camp was our survivor theme with games and activities for the tribes to compete in that finished off in a final tribal council around a huge bonfire, I can still hear the chanting of the tribes as we marched along the path to tribal council! 

There are so many moments from this weekend and I could go on forever about the pranks in the cabins or the silly things the kids said, the serious conversation we had, the things that made us laugh, the way my girls refused to sleep (which is why i'm tired). 

But to finish this off it was an amazing weekend filled with good things and a great big God who worked powerfully through all of His little instruments here on earth.

The trip was finished with a bus full of the sounds of sleeping kids and leaders!

March Break

Hey everyone!

It's march break....there has been so much thinking, brainstorming, cramming and planning involved in making this week happen. Saturday was 12 hrs spend making name tags for 120 kids, Sunday we worshiped with the amazing Chinese Don Mill's Baptist Church which was really cool. We then turned the entire gym into a jungle including 18 huge card board animals hanging around the gym!

Today was the first day for the kids march break and from what I heard from my fellow interns it went very well. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to go as well and see how it is going for myself!

Today was full of planning for me and my team as we prepare for our march break get away with the youth from Urban Promise. A couple more days and we will be off to Muskoka woods with 45 youth for four days of fun! Our camp will be focused on a Survivor theme while teaching the kids how to receive their power and humility from our almighty God!

Please pray for the kids this week as they hang out in the Jungle learning more and more about the King of the Jungle and for the youth as we leave Thursday for our retreat! Pray for safety while traveling, across the city and up north, pray for the leaders for energy and strength as they lead this week, pray for the lessons they teach but most of all pray for the hearts of the kids, for God to be working and them to come to know the Savior of the world!

To the only wise God be glory forevermore through Jesus Christ! Amen Romans 16:27

Drama

My days are so drama filled but what else can you expect when your working with a bunch of youth! Tonight  during out drop in time we had our typical program structure, dinner, bible study and games. We were able to follow this structure but during, between and after everything was filled with drama.

To start off with before all of this start we were hanging out as a team, (suppose to be preparing for the day) but instead of a few of us were trying to find a box of chocolates that a few others had hidden from us. We succeeded in finding it and proceed to hide it from them, which turned into them again hiding which only one options, find it again! 

We searched and searched, even got out a 15 foot ladder which almost tragic we thought we had been caught searching and my fellow partner in crime let our a death scream which almost ended in me falling off of the ladder! We still have yet to find that chocolate! The story will continue!

As the day proceed I hung out and helped out during the kids program from 4-6 which was crazy loud and pretty stressful due to drama between the 9+10 girls and the 9+10 boys which led to a fight a lot of time outs, missed dinners and conversations!

The night continued with the youth arriving at 6 and the girls hanging out with me in the kitchen as I cooked. One girl particular was acting odd and refused to leave my side (she normally doesn't want to be any where near me) and she got even stranger when I certain boy  dropped in to visit, actually all the girls started acting up. Oh to be 12 again! 

Was only a few minutes from all that happen until I realized one of my older girls in the corner crying, the other  girls had been teasing her about an incident from earlier that day when she had fell into the mud from the bus on their grade 8 visit to high school, embarrassing! That took a bit to work through with her.

Next we proceed to word up were the chatter was endless and the unspoken words yet clearly shown in body language was quite loud, lots of giggles! Moving on we played a wide game which turned into a game of dodge ball! To finish off the evening was walking kids home (a lot of them are very scared of walking at 8:30 in the dark even just 2 blocks by themselves), helping kids talk to the supervisor about not having money for the bus, or for the trip to Muskoka next week. Now I am home reflecting on the moments of this awesome day, ups and downs, drama, fights, conversations, walks home, looking at stars, laughter and silly giggles, every part of it reminds me of another reason why I love what I am doing!