End of Two Years

I have reached the end. How three month turned into two years so quickly I shall never know. How two years have gone so fast is an even greater mystery. I have three more days of spending time pouring into the kid’s and youth that I have spent the past two years loving and investing in. Eight more days until everything will be packed up and I will move out of what has been my crazy, insane, apartment that I call home. The elevator, alarms at all hours and sounds of the city are things I never anticipated to be sounds of home but that is what they have become.

Every day for the past few weeks I have been gently reminding by a few kid’s each day that I will be leaving. It is a difficult task. Seeing the end of something is almost always the start of something new. But whether you know this about me or not I absolutely hate change, I loath it. I cry about it and fight it and avoid it to the very end. It was on Friday when reality started to sink in, I kept catching myself just watching, watching life play out in front of me while standing on the side lines. Caring words and demonstration of love and value from those who have become closest to me over this journey pushed me over the edge into an flood of tears. It’s a big count down, every day another dear sweet children asks, “is it today, is today your last day, when is it?”. How I hate answering these questions.

It is a strange thing, preparing to leave something that I shall be returning to, only it will never be the same. These kid’s will have a new group leader another intern will come and struggle to earn their trust. Yes, I will enter their world again, only I am not sure what it will look like or which location I will be serving in. I know that it will be good for God has shown me that. It will be challenging, heart breaking, rewarding and it will be good. Yet I feel like I’m on the edge, the edge of the end and the edge of beginning not knowing when it will begin. I’m in limbo.

This summer will be a blessing, moving home to my family, getting to know the nephews and niece, spending time with the siblings, hiking out to camp under the stars with my brothers. I am excited, it holds good things, yet it is stepping stone. A stepping stone to provide for the future and to bring me back to where I know I belong, to a city that I love, to a ministry that I rejoice in the work that God has given us to do. To children, youth, families and communities that are in poverty of the truth of the word of God, of whole relationship with him, with themselves and with others. Funny how a heart can be so torn.