The true light

“The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to come children of God. Who were born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh nor the will of man, but of God.”  John 1:9-13

All I heard was silence.

What is normally a very loud group of four 12-13 year old boys were sitting in silence.

The consistent chatter of talking over each other was stilled as they sat and focused on the video being shown.

The video started with a man stumbling through crowded streets carrying a cross as people cried, scoffed as the soldiers escorted him outside of the city.

The video played on with no words besides the music playing, the lips of the characters moved showing conversation as Simon offered to carry the cross and later as the thief on the cross besides Christ asked Him to remember him when he came into His kingdom.

As I sat and watched my 4 young men take in this video as well as my two 17 year old streetleaders my heart prayed for an understand of the truth of what all of this meant for their lives. I prayed that it would not just be another time of hearing this story, that it wouldn't just be a story being told but rather it would be about lives being restored.

As the video ended Stevie their leader stood before them and simply said, “That is why Jesus was born at Christmas.”

He spoke about how the cross bridged the way between us sinners and God and finished in a prayer.

When he finished instead of everyone getting up eager and ready to play a game the boys all remained in their seats.

They were quiet.

Not quite knowing what to say, I acknowledged the sadness of this video but reminded them that Christ birth can be a celebration because He came to die but not to remain dead but rather to die in our place and to raise again to defeat death.

Within seconds their hands began to rise with questions.

One at a time they started asked questions, really good questions.

We pulled the Bible back out and read together the story of Christ’s death.

These boys spent the rest of their time at camp asking questions and reading to find the answers.

My pray for these young guy is that this Christmas they would understand the very great importance of Christ birth into this world but that they would understand the importance of it in their own lives.

Please join me in praying for this in the lives of these four boys as well as for my two streetleaders.

A gift

Christmas

It’s about a gift

Yes a gift

But not the kind you think

It’s about a gift

One that came

In the tiniest of packages

With the most delicate of design

A gift that was brand new

It smelt new, felt new

Blood sweat and tears

Delivered this gift

A heart full of love

Carried this gift

That first Christmas

A gift of infinite worth

One that had since the begin

Been thought out

Planned and prepared

A gift for You

A gift in the strangest of forms

Like a gift disguised by its box

This gift was concealed in a babe

Brought forth not in décor

Not in ribbons, or colors of red and green

But given out of eye sight of most

Quietly, without a show

While the world rushed around

A gift was born

A gift

God initiated forgiveness that day

In providing a gift

That would fill our every need

The living water

The bread of life

The gift that could forgive

The gift that would last eternally

A gift for you

So as the world rushes around you

Look for the gift

Look for God’s provision of life

Look for his precious delicate

Planned and prepared

Demonstration of love

Through blood sweat and tears

Disguised in many simple forms

His gift

To You

His gift of Life

Walking through a day at camp!

A day at camp begins with us meeting the kids right after school, getting on to the bus and all arriving at Camp Hope together. 

 Camp Hope is a place where these young girls have role models who love them, speak into their lives and are there for them as a friend. As you can see they adore her! 

 At Camp some of these young boys for the first time have an older male in their lives who is not a bad influence to them. Some one to show to demonstrate a different way to live. He is a godly man who disciplines and directions them and as a result they greatly seek his approval/love.

 At camp you can be yourself, whether your loud and out going or quiet and shy, you are valued and loved for being you!

 It is also a place where you just be. A lot of these kids have no where to be and no one to be home with them. So whether they have had a hard day they known it's a place where they are welcomed!

 It's a place for fun! To dress up, imagine, laugh and to be free!

 We also have snack, carrots, cheese and crackers!

 Of course we spend time learning, whether that's doing our homework, writing our own comic stripes or learning new things together!

The power of a father's embrace

 It captured my attention, I was sitting in church and couldn't take my eyes off the man a few seats down the row. He sat front row, listening fully engaged and completely oblivious to what was shaking up my heart. His arms were wrapped fiercely around his son, his large body full encompassed the little boy as he snuggled deep into the embrace. This young boy around the age of 8 rested his head on his father’s arm that was holding him securely.

It was so beautiful it broke my heart, because of the pure innocence of the father who in that moment did not even realize what he was giving his son and for the little boy completely unaware of the immense care being shown to him. It broke my heart for so many young boy who have never experienced such an embrace from the strong arms of a father, who have never felt the security to lay limp, surrendered of all the “little boy” strength or toughness to be caught and content in the shelter of arms stronger than their own.

I think of how love holds the power to breaks down barriers of in dependency, self-protecting and self-defense to being cared for, defended and protected. I think of 12 year old's who have no place that they can feel this kind of protection and love of a Father.

I pray that this man with his child may understand the depths of what He is faithfully being to his son and that he may understand the importance of it. And for the so many boys who lack the protecting, secure embraces of their fathers I pray that they would find this place where they can give up the struggle and snuggle into the shelter of their heaven Father’s arms! 

A picture painted through words

I wish I could paint an accurate pictures with my words to help you understand the complex, broken yet precious homes and lives that the children I work with come from.

As an intro of my day involved in their world began around 3:15 when I got off the TTC bus and walked through the neighborhood to the school yard just past the rows and rows of Toronto Community Housing, all the same bricks upon bricks. The only difference I see between them as I walk through the rows of brick buildings lining the road is the marks left behind on the bricks of the corner unit from the targeted shooting to that home just over two weeks ago. What blows my mind is across the street is the home where some of our children from camp sleep and live.

As I cross over the road I notice two guys, dressed in dark clothing, moving slowly down the sidewalk. Yes, that description sounds awfully stereotypical, but one of these young guys hardly reaching the age of 20 is wanted by police regarding the previous shooting mentioned. Young boys who lacked any form of good role models while being raised in an environment that says fight back, hit harder and if that doesn't work hit with a gun.

It’s a disgusting cycle of kids learning from kids and never being taught forgiveness, love, how to communicate and certainty not unity. As these guys wonder through the neighborhood they walk past little children walking home from school and this is what is normal for them.

As I enter the school grounds I am met by many of a children, eager for hugs and love. I pull one girl aside, pray fully asking God to be softening her heart. She slapped a kids hard on Friday, left the boy in tears and now I had to explain to her the consequences of her actions which meant suspending her from camp for the day. She’s a young girl, brought up in a world where you hit and slap when you are frustrated because the other person is asking for it and so it is justified.

I was quickly pulled into the next situation as two girls came running towards me informing me that there was a fight happening on the other side of the field, but quickly including that if anyone asks they were not the ones to tell me. The fear of doing what we consider right is one that is instilled in them at such a young age because of the potential consequences laid on you for being a tattle tale.

Things calm down, fight gets under control and we arrive to camp. I find the boy that had been slapped and we sit in the office for the next 45 minutes talking through what happened. His words caused my heart to ache as he sincerely spoke of the hatred he knew the other kids all had for him. About how He has been slapped, kicked and punched often by many of them, how he is used to it and believes that he in fact deserves it. 

The twisted lifestyle of what so many of these kids are being raised and taught in causes me to grieve. And yet when they are older and acting out of what was started many years before and demonstrated by their neglectful mothers, absent fathers and gang member role models we so often lack the compassion and love that they desperately need.

I don’t get it all and I certainly don’t have it all together. I don’t know how to love the girl that has to care for her siblings because he mom is never home, I don’t know how to untangle a heart that has been neglected for years upon years. I am just very thankful that I have a father who knows, he sees who cares and who is capable of transforming work in each of their hearts and lives. 

Please continue to pray for the work of UrbanPromise Toronto as we seek to reach children and raise them into leaders who restore their communities. 

If you would like to take  an active role in support me in this ministry by being a monthly financial support I encourage you to send me an email so we can connect @ janelle@urbanpromise.com or to visit the website @ www.urbanpromise.com

Misunderstood

Young misunderstood stumbles his way 

into the room and drops onto the coach 

distracted in his own thoughts and agenda.

He is quickly consumed in conversation with his friends 

and does not notice his leader giving instructions.

Now he is being lectured, looked down on and his emotions grow. 

Why are the leaders always on his case?

From one activity to the next he is always last, 

half the time doesn't even know where he’s supposed to be.

Now it’s homework time and his work is placed in front of him, 

a few minutes into reading instructions that make no sense 

he turns to his friend and begins to talk.

Again the leader is on his case, 

telling him to quiet down and get his work done. 

Not once does he think to ask, 

or does he try to explain his case.

Frustrating grows, noting seems to work. 

So we try something new, 

we set him up to succeed instead of setting him up to fail

Instead of looking for young misunderstood to mess up 

and not pay attention let’s watch for him putting in effort.

Let’s watch for those moments of frustrations for him, 

let’s watch to see how we can help him.

Let’s encourage him through a simple smile 

that says I believe in your and 

I am proud of how hard you are trying.

Young misunderstand smiles in return 

and from his fumbled distraction, 

refocuses himself in confidence because he is believed in.

Settling in

It’s feeling more and more like home. The first few weeks were more difficult between figuring out a new routine, a new section of the city, buses, grocery store all on top of plunging into after school program, learning new names and faces while leading people I am also just beginning to know. Yet in the newness of it all, there is a well acquainted feeling. Regardless of the new names and faces, building, community, bus numbers and programming details here and there it all is quite familiar and feels like home.

We are well into the 5^th week of after school program this year and daily more responsibly are being handed over to me. Since a came into after school program during the second week things had been planned and brainstormed ahead of time for the month of Oct which has been a great blessing of being able to watch street leaders lead games, being able to lead bible studies myself and watching everyone work together. Moving forward into the next few weeks I will be leading my  team of two interns and three street leaders to brainstorming more long term of what they want this year to be.

I am convinced as I have sent time planning and setting goals for the things I want to see for program for the youth over the next year that intentionality is a key word for me in it all. As I sat and thought about what we are doing I realized again just how easy it is for anyone to run an after school program in or for an at risk community and I am sure there are a large number of such programs already across this city. So why, why after school programs and to what end because I know for certain it is not just about being one in a long line of programs offered. What makes our program different?

I think it comes down to the intentionality we put into the focus of why we are doing what we do. We run program not to make good citizens or to teach kids how to be leaders and make a difference although we want both of these things to be true for our kids and youth, but it is not the ultimate focus. The focus is Christ, we want them to know Christ, not just know about him but truly know him personally. That changes how we run program, it takes the focus off of great programming, or the best homework help, or the greatest technology and puts all the focus on pouring into the youth the love of Jesus Christ. Modeling the impact within our own hearts from having a personal relationship with Him and tying those two things together thought teaching and walking through life this year with them.

Please pray that we would be fixed on Christ in all our planning, pray for good discussions and opportunities with the youth as we begin splitting into small groups to cultivate discussion and learning together.

Please pray for me as I lead my team, that I would listen well and coach them in a way that enables them to grow and learn as well as that points them to Christ.