The joy of kids, bbq's and sunshine

Tonight was joy. With the weather being so nice there was nothing else to do but to have a BBQ. So minus an actually BBQ we cooked up some awesome steaks, bought some cheese and made some Philly cheese steaks styled burgers. We added some speakers, a basketball net, a few foot balls and 52 pieces of chalk to make a solid 2 hours of laughter and fun with around 40 of our kids and youth combined. 

An advantage of holding camp outside is that we are more in the community which has both positive and negative effects. It can be crazier keeping track of kids and keeping them safe but it is great to see familiar faces passing that we don’t see regularly. Two of my boys from my very first summer walked past tonight with some of their friends, now 15 and much taller than I am they ran over to me for a hug with smiles on their faces still calling me Jello.

For me it was a time of really loving and spending time with individual kids while being surround by many, playing catch with a little 6 year counting every catch he made, we got up to 36. As camp finished up the kids slowly disappeared until we were only left with a mess and two little ladies waiting to be picked up. They smiled sweetly and suggested that they would be able to help me clean dishes if I found them a chocolate bar to eat afterwards. 

Once the basement was cleaned, chocolate enjoyed we headed back outside to enjoy the warm and last light of the day. Kicking a soccer ball around being okay with extending our day. Before long our four formally dressed senior highs arrived back from their day down town meeting CEO’s and hearing their stories. About two and a half hours later we figured it was probably about time to head home.

Tonight was filled with joy and was an evening with a huge sense of presence in the community we work in, but also a clear picture of the sense of community that our camp family is for each other for which I am very thankful.

Cry for control

 “I don’t like that!” she sat bad in her seat with her arms cross in rejection of the words being spoken. She continued to listen as the speaker spoke of our need to recognizing our weakness and our need for the Lord’s strength. As she finished the woman turned to each other around the table to discuss in small groups. Tayler again lashed out, “I am not weak”, she said it spit, “if I was weak I would be dead right now, I don’t like that.” At finishing her outburst she left the table briefly. My fellow mentor and I caught one another’s eye not expecting this reaction from a woman who typically avoids talking about anything spiritual. Upon her return to our table of moms, I began to ask her why she felt that way. She spoke of her past, of experiences, people, situations and lies convinced that she was not weak.

I could hear a cry for control laced in all her words, a desperation of needing to be strong for herself, a fear of submitting and giving that control over. It was such a clear opposition of the truth that I am quite sure that this is an area God has already started His work in.

The fellow mom’s at the table spoke up, sharing their own experiences and stories. As the conversation continued there was such beauty of openness and honesty shared as each woman besides myself struggled with physical diseases and illnesses and battle against health difficulties. Tayler continued speaking her frustrations continually apologizing for her not accepting of the things we believed, “maybe I am just screwed up this morning,” she said.

I assured her that we were happy for her honesty of struggling with it, of my own difficulties of accepting the fact that I need to be weak and humbled before God. We assured her that we had better discussion because of her openness to share.

Ironically our morning session moved on to budgeting through a CAP (Christians against poverty) money course we are doing. A message of weakness and inability in herself continued to be preached as tears were shed. My prayer for this Mom is for her to see weakness not as a bad thing but as a surrender to something far better. I pray that God would continue to use Mom’s Arise to be a place of acceptance and truth. I pray that God would continue to speak this truth into her life and that she would find peace resting in His strength in her life. 

Societies garbage

One of the hardest part of working with young girls is that I cannot change them. I cannot make them stop dressing a certain way, saying certain things or from action in certain ways. I am not their parent and have such little control over these circumstances besides influencing them through love.

A few girls particularly struggle and are influenced greatly by books they read that are filled with nothing but junk and stuff that messes with their heads with pictures and premature images.

I have always struggled knowing how to respond. I do not approve but I cannot do anything to make them stop reading them unless there is a desire for better things. I can ban them at camp but that does nothing for the other 22 hours of every day.

What I have discovered is that there is something that is drawing them to read these books and there is a great need to understand where that desire is coming from as well as the curiosity.  The other day I decided to ask a few questions about the reason she was reading the books. She knows they are not good and refuses to let me read them. So we talked about why she was reading them. We talked about how they made here feel and everything that goes alone with reading these books.

At one point she came across a word she did not understand but told me she couldn't ask me what it meant because it wasn't appropriate. It was such a perfect time of being to tell her that no, I did not approve of the book and I really do not want her to read them. But I was also able to tell her that I wanted her to feel open to talking to me about things. If there were things she is curious about or thing she does not understand I want her to know that she can come to me and ask me.

There is a great need for honesty in this generation. Our culture and society pushes so much garbage at us, it is right in front of our eyes half of the time. Kids, youth cannot get away from it and yet is there anyone helping them to understand the proper place for so many of these things. So they see sex as something beautiful created  by God or do they think of it as they see it on the TV or books or advertisement?

It is not comfortable and it diffidently is not easy but we cannot  afford to not be talking about it and helping kids and youth to understand the  things in a proper, respectful and God created thing.

We cannot waste our time wanting to be comfortable or easy if we are neglecting to respond to what has become a very great need within our culture. Please pray for the scary reality of what this means for many of our youth and for wisdom in speak up and into their lives. 

Tea Time

Homework is something that no one ever seems eager to do. After a long day of being at school our kids come to camp, play a quick game and then we tell them to buckle down to get their homework done. Now it ever goes quite as simple as that, it can be a lot of reminding them over and over to sit down, take their books out of their bags only to find they don’t have a pencil (who doesn't keep a pencil with their homework? Apparently every kid that comes to camp). I can’t blame them, I’m sure I would be the same, who wants to spend more time sitting and doing work? We try to make it fun, playing hangman, scrabble, taboo and other things as much as we can but our latest discovery has surprised me the most.

Just a week ago one of our boys started asking for a cup of tea when he got to camp. In observing him we were able to notice a calmness that he showed while drinking tea. We discussed it and yesterday we set up a tea station during homework time, over half the kids requested tea. It calmed them down, they were quieter and better focused. It didn’t work magic but it adds a different dynamic to homework time. It is fun to see them all making their little mugs of tea and sipping away at as they work.

Sometimes things can be really simple and we just are caught thinking too hard.

“There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea.”

~Henry James, The Portrait of a Lady

“Tea is the magic key to the vault where my brain is kept.”

~Frances Hardinge

Captured

My heart is bursting with love for my 10 girls that God has entrusted me with for this short time in life. Typically I rather ball sports and hang out with boys, it is a lot less dramatic and complicated but God has worked these little girls into my heart so deeply,  this past weekend in Muskoka was like a plunge deeper into this realization.

It was their first time being away from home for three nights, first time up north and first time to experience a lot of the things we did while we were there. Yet their favorite time was chilling in their cabin together, laughing, dancing, telling ghost stories and screaming their heads off. They drove me nuts with their constant questions of what was next and kept me up all night with one thing or another. One night I woke up a 4:30 to see one of the sitting on the edge of my bed, we had a conversation that went along the lines of her being cold and telling me that she had a blanket as she pulled mine off of me. I went to check the time and upon coming back found her curled up in my blanket sound asleep on my bed. When morning came she shockingly asked me why she was in my bed as she did not remember anything from the previous night.

We learned how to cross country ski, went snow shoeing exploring and roller skating, wall climbing and tubing. They complained a lot due to lack of sleep and tested my patience greatly, there were times when I never wanted to hear my name again as it seemed there was not a minute when someone was not calling it. But then there where those other moments, moment that captured every part of my heart. Of having a little girl feeling sick cuddling with me and I give her my sweater to keep her warm and she looks up into my eyes and says “I love you Jello”, when later she asks me to cuddle with her while the others get ready for bed and the next day she again curls up in my arms and shares difficult aspects of her life with me accompanied with questions about who God is and how He views her.

Moments like playing Sella Ella Olla in the bathroom till 1:30 a.m because it is the last night and they don’t want to sleep, one of the waking up at 7 a.m and running around the cabin waking everyone else by singing “Do you want to build a snowman” at the top of her lungs. These girls are amazing, are learning so much and growing up far too quickly. Their love for each other is genuine and humorous at times. I love each of the dearly and am so thankful that I get to be a part of their lives and to be challenged and taught by them daily. It is an honor to be their leader that they look up to and a very high responsibility. I thank God for each of them and pray that they would each receive Jesus into their live personally and continue to increase and grow in faith if they already have. 

But the greatest of these is love

“Can I talk to you after?” was the request. We stood to the side of the lunch hall which was filled with 60 loud, excited youth day to in Muskoka woods for March break camp. I agreed and we immediately went back to interacting and sitting with the kids. Later as the kids left the hall with the leaders we made our way down stairs to take a minute to talk away from the business. As we sat he looked at me in emptiness, he spoke to me of his frustrations of the weekend, of having the kids 24/7, of not enjoying it like he had hoped, of fear of not being able to look back on this weekend and having good memories but of only having memories of disappointment or stress and anxiousness and of it not really making a difference or an impact in the kids’ lives.

I sat their listening to him, remembering my own similar fears last year and tried to figure out what I could do to calm his fears and to encourage him in his work and efforts. It is a stressful time of running program and making sure everything runs smoothly, of having to watch the kids and lead them 24/7, from motivating them to tucking them and reminding them to shower and brush their teeth. There are not very many moments of deep conversation and you cannot plan for kid’s to open up during small group time or really hear and accept the gospel when it is shared. When it comes down to it there is very little, next to nothing we can do to impacting and make that change happen in our kid’s hearts besides being available, loving, always being the ready to speak truth in any given moment.

It is not about the plans, the program, the bible studies or small group times and games. All these things are good and are very important and we are held responsible to working faithfully to accomplish them but they are not the things that determine what we are working toward, rather it is all the little moments in-between that make all the difference. It’s when in patience you deal in love with the kids who talk till 2:30 a.m, it’s the cuddles you give before bed time, the conversation on the way to breakfast, it’s taking the time to make sure that the scary shadow is really just a tree and not a bear, the times when you help carry a tube up the hill, or walk a little slower and holding a hand instead of rushing ahead to the next thing. It’s when in love you can answer the same annoying question for the tenth time to the same kid, it’s in the self-control you show in having to shower last in the freezing cold water because the 6 kids before you used all the hot water, it’s in asking the hard questions not in fear of what they will think but in love because you desire for them to know the truth, it’s about taking the time to talk about things edging on inappropriate because they truly are curious and need someone safe to ask and receive the truth from. It’s about tying 15 kid’s skates before you tie your own, it is all about the love you demonstrate in the moments when it is not natural or easy.  

The little moments are the things that you will look back and remember. The impact the change, that is in God’s hands and we have to leave it there. We have to put God in His rightful spot and trust that because He is our Creator, Father, Savior, Lord, Redeemer that He is also moving where and how He wants. Our responsibility is to demonstrate the love which He has shown and empowered us with. We must be faithful to speak truth and then place all trust in Him that He will do the rest. When we seek for our own control this is impossible, but it is when we give up our own control and place it in the rightful hands of the One who fashioned our very beings that we can find joy, peace, and rest in the things He has called us to be faithful in. 

Preparing for March Break

"Are you serious", "I don't have enough time", "I'm so tired", "Help, I'm overwhelmed" are all very familiar expressions to my ears over the past week and a half and here we are down to two days until our March Break camp begins.

As a second year intern I am put into a new role of leading the first year interns in planning the entire week. This means in more simple language that I am alone with two of my peers are responsible for making sure they have thought through and have answers to every little detail involved in transforming a ware house sized gymnasium and planning and running a 6 hour daily program for 120 kids between the ages of 5-10 from three different communities in Toronto.

Up to this point my role has been to lead the planning process but what I have discovered is that my role is really to lead by example by modeling joy, excitement and passion even among the stress and pressure of needed to get everything done. I am very excited for this week and am anticipating big things. Our theme is Circus Petrium which is Latin for value. The gymnasium will be transformed into a circus and will be a fantastic atmosphere for the kids to have fun and to learn about the value they hold in the eyes of God.

Today I popped in to visit 6 stressed out but determined interns who where working away at creating posters, signs and decorations for next week. They were frustrated and overwhelmed but the sight of some Timmies donuts was a great encouragement. I spent the next couple hours with the painting and talking. My goal was to help them enjoy the process no matter how stressful it is. It was an encouraging time of hearing some of their stories and getting excited for the next week together.

Tonight I was also able to welcome a Missions team from Iowa who came all the way to help us run camp this week. I love having the opportunity to meet new faces and to share our vision and excitement with them, just as I hopefully am with you through this post.

As we continue to finish last minutes preparations please be praying for

• Peace and a calmness for our team. 
• Rachel, Jess and I as we lead the first year interns this week, especially for Rachel as she finds leading very difficult and is nervous. 
• The the interns running the programs
• Our Missions team, that it would be a time of learning, growth and blessing.
• For our streetleaders as many of them are first timers to March Break that they would be impacted by the message as well as they help to lead the kids.
• For the kid's who will be coming to camp for open hearts to receive the good news
• For safety for everyone.
• That above all else the Lord's name would be proclaimed and gloried in all we do.