He doesn't like me

"He doesn't respect me, he hates having to talk or listen to me,  I'm a crappy leader, he doesn't like me",  statements similar to these and self doubts kept running through my head as I inwardly struggled after having a tough disciplinary conversations with one of my boys. 

These are quite common in our relationship, the difference this time was I had the supervisor take him aside and talk with him and he had just returned and joined the rest of the group. 

He avoided eye contact knowing that it was I who had "turned" him in. 

I knew I had to speak with him before we both left for the day even if it was about nothing but just to get past this silence between us. I didn't know what I should do.

In moments like these I often doubt my own value as a leader. "Did I do the right thing, did I cause him to make a bad decision, maybe I didn't handle it right, does he hate me?"

As I fought to shut up these voices I looked over at him silently sitting on his seat. 

Then he looked up at me, made eye contact and said "Jello, how much money are you bringing tomorrow?"

His face held a solemn expression, as I saw repentance spill from his eyes.

A knowing look pasted between us when I smiled down at him.

I sat beside Him and he continued to ask questions and make an ordinary conversation.

As I watched his face light up as we continued to talk I realized just how far my relationship with this young man have come. 

The fact that I can be hard on him or in his words "pick on him" and yet after his anger and frustration with me "picking on him" he comes back to a place were he desires to be in relationship and conversation with me. Two minutes before this all happened he had been arguing and very frustrated with me for disciplining him but after those brief moments He came back to still craving my attention and approval.

I love this young man, he can be my greatest challenge any given day but He is my biggest blessing when I experience moments like these. 

Please pray for my young men!