The difficult wrestle of self
Self-interest, self- centered
Self- protect, self- controlled
Self-worship, self-lordship
Against all else
No one else matters, no one else cares
No one else controls
No one else has a say
Against authority
They have no say over me
Their opinions determine who I am
Yet have no control over me
Against the King of Kings
He can only be King
As long as He doesn’t conflict
With what I want
with what I say
Bound tight in these lines
Wrestling for freedom
Only ending more entangled
Burdened by the weight
Sinking deeper as if being crushed
Yet claiming to be standing taller
In control of what I preserve
Of what my mind says
No one can tell me what to do
I listen to no one but myself
Than why dear girl does my voice matter
why little one do you do as I say
why do you respect me
of all people
the only form of authority that holds any weight
She stopped as if caught in a puzzle
And stuttered in what seemed like amazement
I really don't know why I listen to you
Sweet girl don’t you see the ropes entangling you
The lies,
That you have behavior issues
That you are rude
That you are hard, or strong
And that you’ll never amount to much
She nodes in agreement
I am those things she says in controlled pride
I am rude
No sweet girl, you are not rude
Rude is somebody else
They seem to have your name mistaken
you are dear sweet
girl
She laughs out loud
No, I am rude she states
You.......act......rude...
I say slowly
You....are.....not...rude..
Fine, she said with a toss of her head
I, act, rude, she
responded mockingly
Do you know what acting is I ask
To pretend
Right, you pretend to be rude
Why would I do that
Because it’s safer,
Safer to be known as rude
To have everyone see you as what you want to be seen as
Rude, tough, strong
I am not tough, she says softly
I know sweet girl, I
know
