Hurt, broken and beyond beautiful!

She hit it floor as the leaders separated the girls, and she sank low on the floor sobbing angry and hurt hot tears. A leader knelt down beside her trying to comfort her, but instead baby girl cried out, “You don’t care, you don’t care at all you didn’t do anything”.  I rushed over and as a knelt down to the floor could hear heavy angry breathing between her sobs.  “Kiki” I whispered, “come with me, we can talk about it. She lashed out through her tears, “No”! Quickly one of her peers come over and coxed her to go with her into a different room to cool down.

Walking into the room I could hear her peer telling her not to worry about the other girls, that she didn’t need them and was cool without them. I sat and listened as this 14 years old took responsibility over this 11 year old. After a while I interrupted, “Kiki, can I talk to you alone”? She nodded without eye contact. As the peer left, I bent close and asked if I could give her a hug. She feel and sank into my body and hug me tight, as her sobs turned to uncontrolled crying. “I’m sorry baby girl,” I whispered as I held her tight.

As we began to talk I quickly realized that so much of what had happened rooted back in to this little girls identity. I again interrupted her explaining the situation and told her how beautiful, cool, smart, adventurous, creative and loved her was. As I reminded her of how much Jesus loves her and all the things He thinks about her the tears slowly started running down a what had become soft and broken face free from anger. I reminder her about how Jesus never retaliated or acted out in revenge because He didn’t have to prove himself, and how because of His life and death we don’t have to prove our worth and ourselves to others either.  As she listened the tears dripped down her face and she leaned forward into my arms “I love you Jello”.

As I tried to hold back my own tears I asked if she was able to receive an apology from the other girl, she said she was. This surprised me, so I asked her if she was going to be able to also over her forgiveness, again she said yes. Surprised even more, I looked her in the eye and asked her how, how could she forgive this girl for what she did?  I was discouraged, discouraged that the last day of camp before Christmas was ending with a fight between my girls, discouraged that there was so much unrest at camp, I was tired and feeling frustrated in ministry. But she stopped and looked be straight in the eye and said, “I don’t want to Jello, but I can because Jesus forgave me”.  I quickly became a weeping mess myself as we cried together  because of the hurt and the brokenness, and because of the beautiful and reality of what Jesus and for the fruition of it coming to live in this little girl. 

You are special

What to do, these situations always make me wreak my brain having to be the one to decide how to deal with the situation at hand. A young boy in his moment of anger chose in that moment to push another kid backwards off of a four foot stage. Thank goodness the other boy wasn’t seriously injured, worst case scenario; he could have broken his neck. This wasn’t the first time I had run into this young man’s anger. Only I knew his situation at home, how his aunt handles discipline. I didn’t just want to discipline this kid by making it obvious that he didn’t something wrong and we weren’t happy with it. There was more to this whole thing then that. But what would my team think if I don’t suspend him? They all saw it; they’ll think that I am a weak leader and that I can’t enforce the rules. I should just suspend him for the last two days of camp, I mean what he did was bad! Somehow this decision just didn’t sit well with me.

I decided he will come to camp and he will have to sit out of all the activities with me.

He was very grateful not to be suspended and willingly sat in the corner where I placed him away from all the other kids. I explained that we were going to do something I little bit different and handed him the book “I am special” by Max Lucado. Read this book, write any thoughts or questions you have on this white board and I will be back soon.

For anyone not familiar with the book it is about a little boy who lives in a village of wooden people who go around placing stars and dots stickers on each other based on how they look and perform. The little boy always had dots because he wasn’t good at anything. One day he meets a girl who has no stickers because they don’t stick to her, he decided he need to know why they didn’t stick on her. She brought him to Eli the maker of the wooden people who explained to him that he is special because he was made by Eli and the more he believed this the less he would believe the other people and the stickers would stop sticking. As he leaves the house of Eli, one of his stickers falls off.

When I returned to see how this young guy was getting along there was one single question written on the white board, “Why did Punchinello fail at everything he tried?”

As we discussed the book and his question it became clear that he could relate his own live to this pretty clearly, so we did an activity. We wrote out all the ways he felt people where placing dots on him and then all the ways he felt people where placing stars on him. He focused for an hour on this exercise writing in great detail his thoughts and feelings. When we finished we went over them together and talked about the parallel of the story, of how Eli represented God and Punchinello represents us. 

I may never see this boy again. He was only staying with his auntie for the summer, but I pray the things we discussed would be hidden in his heart.

Kingdom

“We want the kingdom”

Is the echo of their words and actions

The place where not more tears exist

Of happiness, satisfaction and life

The streets of gold and life of easy

The place where it’s all going on

This kingdom we want

But what makes a kingdom a kingdom

Is it the location that makes it what it is

Way up in the skies

A place we dream of

Containing every whim of our imagination

And the things that we deem as “good”

Or is a kingdom not more than a destination

More then what our minds can perceive

Or even begin to conjure up?

You see I think it’s more than anything we think of as good

Something more than a place that merely host

And caters to us

Maybe it’s a place where the focus isn’t simply to please us

I think a kingdom is in simple fact

A dome of a king

A place that is good because of the good king

A location that satisfies because

The one who knows us best rules there

A place that brings joy

Merely because of the presence of the king

Of a home where we know we belong

To the one we long and crave for

And believe this

Not for a moment will the focus be on us

But rather all on the king of the kingdom

But what concerns me is that so many want the first kind of kingdom

But there is no kingdom if there is no king

And you can’t have no kingdom

If you reject the king

One of those days

Today was one of those days, a day that filled my heart to overflowing.  A kind of day that had my lit up with a smile just from watching my boys play basketball, to watching them fall asleep on the subway ride home. It was full of moments where I was so proud, proud of my young leaders stepping out of the comfort zones, watching them reach of to a child who felt left out and leading others to do the same.  It was full of meaning full moments of conversations, a young man asking how someone could get baptized and then expressing his desire to be baptized because of his desire to follow Jesus. It’s moments like these that I cannot keep the tears from filling my eyes with the immense joy I feel and know. 

It was also the kind of day that had my heart so burdened and heavy, a day where one of my young leaders came up to me at the end of the day and asked me if she could go home, ask I looking at her face the sun glasses did not hide the tears streaming down her face. Without delay I told her to take her time and to join us for staff night when she was ready. Moments later I found out that her 14 year old friend had been shot the night before after hanging out with her and some others girls and had died this morning in the hospital. Blank. I ran after her and wrapped her in my arms. She sobbed into my shoulder and clung to me.

Quick conversation with my co-worker decided that our staff night would begin with a prayer meeting.

As we struggled through the next few hours, we gathered together with our streetleaders and interns in a building we have long desired to use. A building unused, left empty in the community, yet for so long we had desired to use and had been unable. Today  for the first time it was filled with life again, games, laughter and food going on inside, basketball outside. Again my heart was filled, filled with the love of a community support, loving and embracing each other and coming together.

The night was coming to an end as the staff night wrapped up. Hurting girls grieving the deep loss asked to go to the beach. Four of them piled into my car and we drove. Open water, space to breath. We ran into the water and let loose, we played. We splashed and laughter filled the skies. The laughter was healing. We sang and danced, jumping the waves. Our cloths soaked, we ran around, being careless and free. We laughed. They passed me a stick, “bride to be bride to be throw the bouquet”, they chanted. Over dramatically I counted down and through the stick, the pushed and throw each other into the water until one rose celebrating her success. Once we were all soaked we piled back into the car. As I drove them home I was filled with great joy, immense sorrow and so much thankfulness.

Today was one of those days, one of those days that will be cherished deep within my heart.

                           

Cold calls to Warm Interactions.

All I had was a number, 10 digits that represented something I did not yet know.  I hate the phone, for anyone who has lived me we I would rather never answer a phone call. As a kid and teen and even adult I would leave it ringing for someone else to get and picking up isn’t even the worst part, making cold call phone calls is even worse.

I dialed these 10 numbers and waiting, in my mind ran the subconscious scribe I had run through my mind for the past 15 minutes. “Hello”, “Hi, my name is Janelle I’m a camp leader”, and I waited. What else should I say; I didn’t know who I was calling, only that they had an 11 year old they wanted to come to camp. Before I knew it was out rightly asked her where she lived and told her I’d come over to drop off a form for her. Minutes later I was standing at a door waiting for not sure who to open the door.

Next morning I dial those same 10 numbers, “Hi, its Janelle I met you yesterday”. For the life of me I couldn’t remember her name. “I was wondering if I could come over around 10 with a friend, we’d like to get to know you more”, (because that doesn’t sound creepy or anything). “Sure, that’s fine”, she sounded a little uncertain but I took it as a confident yes.

An hour later I was again standing at the same door with my co-worker waiting for her to answer, not super sure how I was going to introduce them since I still could only remember that her name started with an F. I didn’t need to worry; she eagerly opened the door, introducing herself and invited us up stairs. We spent the next hour visiting getting to know her and her story.

. The next day she came out and joined out Mom’s group in the local Community Center and we made homemade pasta together. She is a beautiful woman, a strong outgoing personality and she is very excited to have made friends in the community. As we discussed grace in relation to being a neighbor she shared her thoughts and ideas and I thanked God for the boldness He gave me to make that cold call because two days later it meant she was immersed in a loving group of woman who desire to love and support her as they share the love of Jesus Christ with her. 

A prideful heart softened

I faced the stairs and the daunting task ahead. Pride had again reared its ugly head as it fought hard against authority, its eyes only focused on self, and its rights above others. The consequence had been given 20 minutes to sit in the office. As I took the first step I wondering where I would find this young man. Where He would be hiding, avoiding what had been required of him. I reach the top and glance into the office. There, still, quite with a low bent head sat the one just a few minutes had been fighting vigorously.

I bent down and looking up into his eyes, “Thank you, thank you for being here, I am proud of you, I know it was hard”. I looked deep, wanting to hear the wrestle going on inside of him and quietly asked him if he would like to talk more. He slowly uttered a first word. What is normal a boy of many words and little thought was suddenly choosing his words very carefully.  He spoke honestly, of frustration of anger, of the raw, really feelings mixed of what he knew was right and wrong.

As he spoke slowly and more controlled than I had ever seen in the past I was able to confirm and agree of the struggle he was explaining to me, pride, an ugly beast relentless to have its own way. He expressed his yearning for more and he spoke with a rich understand of the conflict it causes with the leaders. He spoke in quiet, sad tones. “Are you done?”  I asked him.

You see this young man has been a part of the youth program for 4 years and he only has one more week left as He is graduating and off to high school next year.  In barely a whisper he responded that he didn't know. I slowed prodded him with question to tell me the ways he had grown since he had come, what had happened over the previous four years and weather those years had been good and fruitful ones. I encouraged him that something that had been such a great thing for so many years did not need to end on this note. We discussed Romans 5:4 and Galatians 5, of perseverance and character, of the fruits of the spirit and the way we are taught, refined and built. He listened quietly. As we finished he thanked me and I was able to prayer for him before he ran off to join the other kids to play. 

Invitation to join me in the mission of reaching, raising and restoring!

Let me share with you about a nonprofit organization in Toronto called UrbanPromise Toronto whose mission it is to Reach children with the love of Jesus to Raise them into leaders who Restore their communities!

I joined UrbanPromise Toronto for a 2 year internship 3 years ago and this past September I joined them as a full time staff member to reach the kids and youth in Warden Woods Scarborough with the love of Jesus Christ and to raise the youth there to be leaders who do love Jesus and make a difference in their communities that are broken in family, in relationship, in love, that are wounded due to gangs and violence.

Let me share a story with you about Dashawn, he is 9 years old and lives not with his mother or his father but with his mother’s ex-boyfriend because he is the only one who cares for me. His mother in fact is missing and wanted by authorities. Dashawn also lives with his three younger half-sisters, only one of them in fact is the blood relation to the ex-boyfriend caring for these four children.  

I first met Dashawn and his “family” this past fall when Dashawn started coming out to camp. He had little self-discipline and large amounts of anger. He struggled in camp to follow the rules of respecting self, others, leader, property and God and often time would end up being suspended due to his behavior After watched him for a while we realized that Dashawn was actually a very orderly kid, and disorder or not knowing what to expect really threw him off in what came out as anger. 

The leaders at camp continued to work with him creating for him his own personal chart showing each transition in a day at camp, he could then earn a sticker for each transition he did well and if he earned all of his stickers he was able to come the next day to camp and so. In two weeks Dashawn went from being suspended every day to earning back every day of the week! He had been empowered in making small decisions that where encouraged and whether he had a good day or not he was loved and always given another chance! 

Today Dashawn is a sweet fun loving boy, now don’t get me wrong he is still the same little boy but something has shifted. This past week as I was in the kitchen I could over hear the boys in the next room having a bible study and he was explained to the other kids what preaching was, this kid who 8 months ago didn’t really know anything about Jesus. We have also gotten to know his younger sisters and desire and hope for them to be able to come to camp in future years! We have also been able to pray with and for and support the ex-boyfriend who gives of himself to care for these children.

I am so excited about the things that are happening in so many children and youth that I have come to know during my time with UrbanPromise Toronto! For the past month I have been interviewing youth who desire to give back to their communities by being a part of summer camp this year and have a chance to be leaders to the younger kids in their communities and to tell them about God!

As a missionary to this community I am financially supported 100% through donations of committed monthly supports and one time donors! Currently I am need of monthly donors to partner with me and the work of UrbanPromise Toronto in a financial way.  My financial goal is $2500 a month and I am currently sitting at 77% of this. If you are interested in joining me in this mission in partnering with me financially I would love to speak more with you.

You can sign up as a monthly donor or make a donation at www.urbanpromise.com “donate” and “support a missionary”.

Thank you for your consideration and support!

Contact Info:

janelle@urbanpromise.com

Tough woman in a durag

She frantically ran to retrieve her coffee, a smoke in one hand, and a Styrofoam cup in the other. 
"Did I miss craft time?"
I smile happy to see this  special woman.
"Yes" I responded, "it was from 10 till 1".
Catching her breath the words split out, "Oh shit, I really like craft time, I'm sorry I missed it,I've just been so busy."

We stood just outside of the community center together, she steadily sipped away at her coffee between her smokes. Dressed in tight blue jeans and a black tank top her hair pulled back and hidden behind a durag. 

"I went back to my ex-boss and asked for some work, I'm a hustler now." she said proudly. "That's why I am dressed like this, it's my hustling cloths."
Carefully I choose my words and asked what work she was doing.
"Cleaning cars, you know I never knew how big windshields where until I was cleaning them."

She looked down as she rubbed her tough leather like hands, "It's hard work, I'm not as young as a once was you know,  it's hard on my hands their were all puffy and shit this morning, but the big cars are worth more money."
She rambled on about her grown son need 3 root canals and not having enough money which is why she picked up this job.
"He is a bit of a workaholic, my ex-boss, that's why he liked me, I worked hard, but that was six years ago, shit I'm a lot older now."

She takes on about live on the block, of the daily fears of those who watch the block and of the threats and the hash reality of the past. She finished up with her normal declaration:
"All I know is God is good, He's been watching out for me all this time and He is good that is all I know, you know."
This woman is a strong woman and she has a great faith that God loves her and is looking out for her. She sipped down the last drop of coffee, throw the butt of the cigarette and rushed off down the sidewalk, 
"Love you girls," she shouted over her shoulder and she was gone again. 

Lord Jesus protect her today in the strength and comfort of your everlasting arms. 

My list of reasons to give thanks Apr 29

Beautiful weather

It being warm enough for flip flops

Talking with a mom as she shared her journey with me

Playing at the park with 2 year old boy

Adorable boy holding onto my hand

Adorable boy stomping his feet to get me to chase him

Praying over 2 year old boy as he swung, that he would be a man after God’s own heart.

Sitting outside and having a bible study with a few moms

Running into three sisters walking back to school from lunch

Tearful 5 year old girl upset about a cupcake

Helping older sister to listen to younger sister

Having a group hug at the end after walking them to school

Watching 5 of my girls play soccer tonight

Sitting on the sideline with little 5 year olds to 10 and 11 year old boys to high school students in the back all sitting out on the grass cheering the Warden soccer team on

Tearful 13 year old as she worked through her hurt feels by the coach’s words

Cheering up my girls after a loss with half melted cookies

Walking my girls home

Hanging out at the community center with random kids

Running into more random kids on the way home

Chatting with a new mom on her porch for 15 mins

Having be able to spend the majority of the day out in the sun

A day to make pies

Homes are to be shared, to laugh in, to share in and to create in. Today was a wonderful day; I was able to have 5 of my young 14 year old friends over to my home. We were able to share lives, conversation, learn how to make apple pie, create a huge mess of crumble all over the floor and laugh an awful lot.

As I walked them home quite exhausted we stopped to play at the park. As I watched them race for the swing, screaming at the top of their lungs through the rays of light streaming through the trees I just breathed in deep. I love seeing those moments of complete freedom and live bursting out of them. They are 14 years old and far more adult like than I desire. In these brief moments of child likeness I find great joy as the fully abandon any image they strive to keep, all pressure from peers and just release in abundant joy and freedom.

As I was busy washing a counter full of dishes and vacuuming up about a half a bowl of crumble from the floor I reflected on the afternoon and was grateful for not only the time I could have them in my home but relationship I have with each of them. For the truth they are eager to receive, for the curious questions they have, for the countless times I remind them to lower their voices, for the amount of times we are able to laugh together. For the moments of trying to get them to leave when they discovered the Q-tips in the bathroom and are all over excited to clean their ears. I am thankful for the hugs goodbye at the end of the day, and for the fact that I get to journey with them not just today but tomorrow and the day after that. 

First encounter with Easter

Most of the children and youth that come out to our after school programs have some understanding, some history and some form of experience with Christianity. Catholic school, family influence or church attendance or having grown up in UPT after school programs are all factors in this.

Often kids know about Jonah and the big whale, David and the giant, Noah and the big boat and other biblical historical figures. Often times what I find our time of studying the bible together does is it teaching them about having a relationship with  Jesus Christ rather than having the title, label or identity of being a Christian because they were born into a Christian home, taught to be a Christian or have attended a church or catholic school. It is a lot of conversations around it being personal, live changing and real, relationship rather than religion sort of stuff.

Last Thursday we shared the Easter story with our kids and youth through reading the story and having hands on activities to have an opportunity of experiencing the Easter story. They got to taste vinegar, hammer a nail, carry and cross and other tangible things like that. At the end of the day Sonya ask if we could talk because she had some questions. Sonya has been coming to camp for just over a month now and she is believes in the Muslim faith. She had some questions about Jesus and we talked for over a ½ hour about Jesus, sin, result of sin, death, a merciful God, how we can receive life in heaven and so on. As we stood at the bus stop on the way home she said to me, “I knew what Easter was about until today, and I still don’t really understand it”.

Five days later we sat down together and read through the entire Easter story. Her questions astonished me and we didn't have enough time as we talked through all the significance and meaning in just a few short chapters. Please prayer for Sonya as we continue to reading through and discuss the truth of the Bible and Jesus Christ.

A day of open doors and answered prayers!

Today was a beautiful day of experiencing the amazing ways God can work, opening doors and bridging a community together through ways we don’t understand.

This morning our team gathered together to pray, talk and share about our different ministries. We spent time lifting up our community as well as the local Warden Woods Community Center. This community center is in the heart of the community and is a location we would love to be able to run our programs out of and be more connected with to work alongside.

There is a bit of a court battle currently going on to do with this community center and we have continued to pray for opportunities to partner with them. This morning we were particularly praying for the youth worker who is being forced to leave (due to contracts) even though she had a heart to stay and continue working with the youth people. We prayed that she would not be discouraged and that God would provide for her as well as for her salvation for my co-worker was going to present the gospel to her.

Next in the day I headed over to Warden Woods Public school to run a cubing club over lunch hour for grades 4, 5 and 6. Recently I found out that the vice principle of the school is a Christian and attends the church we run program out of. As I walked through the hallways of the school I was filled with joy as kids ran up to me, boys I suspended from camp for Tuesday and Thursday (due to them fighting) came running to tell me that they were for sure coming on Friday. I was amazed at the open doors and networking that was happening as we met new kids.

After camp tonight as we met back at the community center to debrief the team where we heard from the youth worker that at 2 p.m. that afternoon was called into the office and was asked to stay. She agreed! What a complete turn around! 

My co-worker was able to share with her that we had prayed for her early that day. She was amazed and asked why and then proceeded to go around telling everyone that we had prayed for her. Kind of reminded me of how the lame man went into the temple courts praising God! She wants to meet with my community center and discuss how we can work together more and do big things in this community!

Such a quick obvious answer to prayer that had others giving thanks to God! Please continue to pray for Warden Woods Community Center. For more opportunities to work together, please pray for this woman’s salvation as we desire to share the gospel with her! Pray for big things to come out of the bridges forming within this community! 

Join me in praying for Warden Woods Community

God I ask for your surpassing peace

To cover this community

For a peace they do not understand

To be upon this morning

Father hear the cries of fear

The pleads of the community

For safety and peace

Heal their hearts Lord from the pain and hurt

For the mere boys

Who resort to guns and violence

May the living truth spoken to them in past

Be heavy on their hearts this morning

Would it deafen their ears to the lies

That compels them to fight rather than forgive

May your children live in the confidence

That nothing can separate them from your love

Neither life nor death.

By: Nick Westoll Staff Reporter, Published on Sat Feb 28 2015

Two men were taken to a trauma centre Saturday afternoon with gunshot wounds.

Toronto Paramedics were called to the area of Warden Ave. and Cataraqui Cres. around 1:45 p.m. According to a spokesperson, crews took both men to a local trauma centre in serious, but non-life-threatening condition.

Toronto police said one of the victims — both in their mid-twenties — suffered a gunshot wound to the buttocks, while the other was shot in the back of the leg.

Police didn’t have information about potential suspects, but earlier tweeted for the public to “use caution” in the area, as the suspect or suspects in the street shooting hadn’t been taken into custody.

Mar 10, 2015 | Vote0   0

Man shot numerous times on Burn Hill Road, rushed to hospital in serious condition

Scarborough Mirror

By Andrew Palamarchuk 

A man is in serious condition after he was shot multiple times in southwest Scarborough Tuesday.

Emergency crews were called to Burn Hill Road near Warden Avenue and Danforth Road at 4:42 p.m. on March 10.

Toronto Paramedic Services said paramedics found a man with at least four gunshot wounds.

The victim was taken to a trauma centre in serious condition.

Police are asking anyone with information to call 41 Division at 416-808-4100.

The Wondering Woman of Warden

As I think of Moses and the Israelite as they wondered through the dessert for 40 years it amazes me just how often God had to remind them that the dessert was not their home, it was not where they were to dwell. He did not want them to settle, to save manna, to depend on even a stream for water. He had so much more for them beyond the place they wandered throught for 40 years.

The whole journey of the Israelite through the dessert is an amazing journey of God's provision and faithfulness as he cared for His people but He always had more for them, they were on a journey and there was a destination!

Often as I serve along side my team of 6 woman in the community of Warden it is not uncommon for us to feel like wanderers. The programs we run vary in terms of location, some days we are at a church, others in a park, community center, in the homes of the families, or inviting them into our homes. We meet at Tim's, libraries, Mc Donald's. Basically we meet were ever we can find a place. 

Some day's begin by simply walking into the community and knocking on doors, praying for open doors and opportunities. Last week I met up with one of my co-workers who had picked up some fresh fruit intending to bring it to a particular family she had it mind. By the end of the day it ended up in a different home that we had been welcomed into and spend an hour visiting with both the mom and her child. We listened as she shared her struggled and frustrations as well as the joys of her children and were able to provide encouragement and love.

I am so blessed in experiencing the provision of God for open doors, opportunities and places to meet to run programs. I am thankful for his lessons along the way of depending entirely on Him, the constant reminder of not growing accustom and comfortable here, because this is not our home. We are not there yet,there is a destination and we are simply on our way. I am thankful that we can be an example of a body of Christ without walls, doors and ceilings, simply demonstrating the love of Christ no matter where we are. I am thankful that we can invite others into this journey on our way to our heavenly destination! 

Laughter

Laughter is good medicine and laughter is often the tool that I find most helpful in working with easily frustrated youth. Jamal is 12 and often begins his day with us very moody and upset. Anything and everything we have planned for the day is in opposition of what he wants and that He isn’t even sure about. With every passing instruction is mood often sinks to a put where he hides his face away and sits motionless.

Homework time is something that causes frustration for a lot of the youth, let’s face it, no one wants to leave school and come to camp for the purpose of doing more homework. The other day one of my interns cleverly tricked them into a writing a story by first getting them to write a word on a page, then to write 6 words that come to mind when they think of the first word. Then to finish, write a story including all of these words.

Jamal avoided the work as much as possible till I sat down with him and he continued to make up excuses. Finally one stuck, his right hand was still slightly swollen from hurting in on the weekend and he figured this was a good enough excuse since he couldn't write. I dramatically told him that I would give of myself and do the writing portion of it for him, but he had to tell me what to write. He thought this was great and we began. “Orange” he said, “How do you spell it?” I asked. Bursting out laughing at the fact that I didn't know how to spell orange he helped me out. “Round, orange, sweet, tree, delicious and green” he said. I asked again “how do you spell that?” His laughed spilled over and he got the words out slowly between his laughter, “r-o-u-n-d, o-r-a-n-g-e”. This continued on as he spoke his story out to me. By the end he was lying on the floor laughing when he realized and I written everything that had come out of his mouth including his laughs creating a very humorous story.

Laughter so often can change the course of a day! 

The best moments are the ones unplanned

Wednesday's tend me be a bit of an unstructured day for me, sometimes it's a day to catch up on paper work and all the tedious things that get pushed to the end of the list, or being involved in the Mom's Uphold program while other times it's means walking through the community with no plan just waiting for opportunities for relationship building.

This past Wednesday was one of those days. I went to the Warden public school to run into some of my kids, to maybe meet some new faces and to just be present and see what would come from it. After wondering through the hallways and catching up with different kids, figuring out why some of had been missing from program due to being grounded and such I wondered outside to find two of my super loyal girls complaining about having to walk home. I told them I was going that way and would love to walk with them and so we started on our way trekking through the snow.

It wasn't long before they both began chattering away telling me about the latest cutest boys, their first kiss's and all the drama and so and so dating so and so and then that other person and so on. The whole way home they talked and talked. I told know if reading this you understand the significance of how happy this made me. You see I don't always have these moments and the kids don't always want to talk or share whats going on in their lives. You can't plan something like this, but the fact that I had no where to be except walking them home just because created a time of openness and relationship building that I treasure greatly.

A normal interaction as I hang around the public school on at random times such as this my kids will run up to me whether they are 5, 8 or 14 saying "Jello, what are you doing here", to which I love to respond, "I'm here to see You" whatever that means in that moment, whether it means we talk for a few moments of I spend the next 1/2 hr walking them home, it's exactly what it should be.

A dream

It was day number two of being in this home, this time a young girl stood on the coach and confidently program, "one day I'm coming to camp"! She continued on "when kids leave and you get empty spots, that's when i'm coming to camp", her little sister chimed in "me too".

I slowly made my way to the door as I had to be leaving when the youngest rushed down the hallway after me, as I looked up the stair case her big eyes opened wide as her hands nervously played with the edges of her dress. She swayed back and forth and ask, "what do you do at camp anyways?". 

Camp to these girls is a dream, a wish of something grand. Camp is like a magical word meaning something better then this. It is their goal, the thing they reach for, dream for and hope to achieve some day. This does two things to my heart, it grieves it and it warms it. It grieves it because they shouldn't just have to dream of this, they should be living within it and second it warms it because even in the midst of the chaos of their life they have a goal, a focus and a direction. My prayer is that they will achieve it and come to camp and that in achieving it they will reach for higher goals and good goals, goals that will help to model and build them into wonderful woman who know what it means to be valued not in a flitting way but in an everlasting, understanding of the Father's great love for them.

Hungry for love

It was cluttered with boots and coats in the tiny entrance as we entered the apartment and were welcomed up stairs to the kitchen table. We sat on two of the three chairs to discuss with the 9 year old boy about the struggles he was having at camp obeying the rules. Asking him if he knew about the 5 rules at camp he confidently began listing them, “respect god, respect leaders, respect property, respect yourself” and then he stopped trying to jog his memory for the last one. The one they all struggle with, respecting others.

As we spoke with him talking through things that could help him, how we could work with him in controlling his anger on the other side of the kitchen was a man carefully preparing pancakes for dinner. Every few minutes a little girl would enter the room and he would apologize over and over as he quickly told her to leave because we were talking.

As our discussion with this young boy came to an end I slipped away from the table leaving my coworker asking him questions about school. I walked into the next room where three little girls sat on the floor. I asked them their ages and names, seven, five and four they said. They were each eager for attention and I sat down on the gritty floor and joined them in a game of Janga, the only toy in the room. They instantly became upset with each other as each of them wanted my full attention. I asked a lot of questions going from one to the next to the next doing my best to help them all feel engaged and valuable.  It was far too soon when I gently told them that it was time for me to go, the youngest quickly moved in for a hug as if we had known each other forever, so hungry for love.

This family has been on my heart for a while now. They have no mother in their lives and the man who cares for them as a father is actually only a biological father to one of them. I have only begun to learn of their story but it is one that has left these kids very hungry for affection and any form of attention which sadly leads them to a lot of misbehavior in pursuit of gaining attention because bad attention is sometimes better than no attention. 

Please pray for this family and pray for doors and opportunities to continue to know them and walk alongside them and that as we do that doors would be open to share the love of Christ which knows no end.

Prayers interceding on behalf of others

If you’re a parent I am sure you will quickly be able to relate to the thoughts that come to mind when you bow your head in prayer over your child. Thoughts of their strength and abilities that you desire God to use in their life, whether it’s the boldness in the way they speak or the strength of their simple faith. Thoughts of their greatest struggle that you plea for the Spirit to be at work in bringing patience, humility or joy into their lives. As a parent interceding and praying over your child whether a new born or an adult is something of great importance but also I think requires great strength and dedication.

In recognizing my own personally tendency to busy myself in the things that I do, I fall into great danger of forgetting the power and call we have to pray and intercede on the behalf of others. As a missionary to the Warden Woods Community, I can busy myself in running program but so easily forget to pray for individuals. Last week I took some time, set aside to pray through each youth that comes to the after school program. That’s 15 youth. An hour later after I had prayed over their strengths and their weakness and asking God to be at work individual things and ways my heart was filled with much more love for each of them then I had previously experienced. I also noticed that later that day as they arrived the way I interacted and responded to them was also filled with greater purpose and intention.

Something I often forget is that very few people are praying for these kids.  Growing up my parents siblings, grandparents, church community and friends prayed for me. Prayed for me in specific personal ways, my parents prayed that I would walk closely with God, for strength to overcome struggles and for my future spouse.

The kids and youth I work with do not have parents or families who pray for them, they don’t have a church community lifting them up; they have no one interceding on behalf of their salvation. 

If you would like to more specifically know how to be praying for the kids and youth in UrbanPromise Toronto programs please email me at Janelle@urbanpromise.com and I will be able to provide you with more specific needs.

For this week please be praying for our streetleaders as we begin a Thursday night bible study for them. Pray that they come out but also for open hearts and futile soil for the truth of the word to land on. 

A shift as we move forward

I wanted to take some time and share some of my personal convictions over the past few months about sharing the gospel and how we approach even the task of doing so. In my frame of reference sharing the gospel often takes the form of a bible study that we call wordup. Understand first that dynamics of the programs we run are not anything like a Sunday school, catechism class or youth group. The needs and the approach is different, we are not a church but rather a Christian organization seeking to share the love of Jesus Christ through the lens of after school program and building relationships.

Often times the approach we gravitate towards is to teach on life topics that are very relevant to the kids and youth we work with. To talk about the real struggles they face daily and to bring the bible into it teaching them how Jesus cares about all these things as well, or to teach the principles of what Jesus taught about loving your neighbor, or not to steal or hate, to forgive and to ask Jesus for help.

The problem I have faced though is that without Jesus first transforming the lives and hearts of those we seek to reach with the gospel these principles will not take full root in their lives without the Spirit first dwelling in the hearts. As I wrestled through what this meant I knew we had to go back to the scripture first and see what it says without first resolving on a topics to teach on and fitting the bible to what we have already decided on. Then came the struggle of how to do this but also how to lead others to a place where they are as well.

The more I thought about it the more I realized the great inability we have as humans to teach anything, let alone the bible without the Spirit first teaching us. The great need of being taught through the guidance of the spirit  was very evident!

Coming back from the Christmas break as we began planning and dreaming up ideas for the new school year of after school program my team spoke together about this wrestle of how to approach the bible. I was greatly encouraged through our conversations of the excitement and eagerness we all had to change our approach while at the same time not being fully sure of what that meant. We lifted it up in prayer. The next day we decided on committing to reading the book of Joshua and asking God what out of the live of Joshua we can teach the kids as well as relate it to the gospel of Christ's life and death.

The shift if crucial! The results as I sat this morning reading through the lessons planned for next week where vastly different! The focus has shifted from our agenda to God's message of His mission written and revealed to us through out scripture!

I am very excited and encouraged as we prepare to go into this new season. Please pray for our team as we complete are plans. Please pray for a boldness as we seek to love the kids and families well and in so doing reveal to them the heart of God. That their hearts would be convicted not by our words but by the words of the scripture.

Thank you for your own going prayers for me, my team and the community of Warden Woods as we serve and love this broken community.