A picture painted through words

I wish I could paint an accurate pictures with my words to help you understand the complex, broken yet precious homes and lives that the children I work with come from.

As an intro of my day involved in their world began around 3:15 when I got off the TTC bus and walked through the neighborhood to the school yard just past the rows and rows of Toronto Community Housing, all the same bricks upon bricks. The only difference I see between them as I walk through the rows of brick buildings lining the road is the marks left behind on the bricks of the corner unit from the targeted shooting to that home just over two weeks ago. What blows my mind is across the street is the home where some of our children from camp sleep and live.

As I cross over the road I notice two guys, dressed in dark clothing, moving slowly down the sidewalk. Yes, that description sounds awfully stereotypical, but one of these young guys hardly reaching the age of 20 is wanted by police regarding the previous shooting mentioned. Young boys who lacked any form of good role models while being raised in an environment that says fight back, hit harder and if that doesn't work hit with a gun.

It’s a disgusting cycle of kids learning from kids and never being taught forgiveness, love, how to communicate and certainty not unity. As these guys wonder through the neighborhood they walk past little children walking home from school and this is what is normal for them.

As I enter the school grounds I am met by many of a children, eager for hugs and love. I pull one girl aside, pray fully asking God to be softening her heart. She slapped a kids hard on Friday, left the boy in tears and now I had to explain to her the consequences of her actions which meant suspending her from camp for the day. She’s a young girl, brought up in a world where you hit and slap when you are frustrated because the other person is asking for it and so it is justified.

I was quickly pulled into the next situation as two girls came running towards me informing me that there was a fight happening on the other side of the field, but quickly including that if anyone asks they were not the ones to tell me. The fear of doing what we consider right is one that is instilled in them at such a young age because of the potential consequences laid on you for being a tattle tale.

Things calm down, fight gets under control and we arrive to camp. I find the boy that had been slapped and we sit in the office for the next 45 minutes talking through what happened. His words caused my heart to ache as he sincerely spoke of the hatred he knew the other kids all had for him. About how He has been slapped, kicked and punched often by many of them, how he is used to it and believes that he in fact deserves it. 

The twisted lifestyle of what so many of these kids are being raised and taught in causes me to grieve. And yet when they are older and acting out of what was started many years before and demonstrated by their neglectful mothers, absent fathers and gang member role models we so often lack the compassion and love that they desperately need.

I don’t get it all and I certainly don’t have it all together. I don’t know how to love the girl that has to care for her siblings because he mom is never home, I don’t know how to untangle a heart that has been neglected for years upon years. I am just very thankful that I have a father who knows, he sees who cares and who is capable of transforming work in each of their hearts and lives. 

Please continue to pray for the work of UrbanPromise Toronto as we seek to reach children and raise them into leaders who restore their communities. 

If you would like to take  an active role in support me in this ministry by being a monthly financial support I encourage you to send me an email so we can connect @ janelle@urbanpromise.com or to visit the website @ www.urbanpromise.com

Misunderstood

Young misunderstood stumbles his way 

into the room and drops onto the coach 

distracted in his own thoughts and agenda.

He is quickly consumed in conversation with his friends 

and does not notice his leader giving instructions.

Now he is being lectured, looked down on and his emotions grow. 

Why are the leaders always on his case?

From one activity to the next he is always last, 

half the time doesn't even know where he’s supposed to be.

Now it’s homework time and his work is placed in front of him, 

a few minutes into reading instructions that make no sense 

he turns to his friend and begins to talk.

Again the leader is on his case, 

telling him to quiet down and get his work done. 

Not once does he think to ask, 

or does he try to explain his case.

Frustrating grows, noting seems to work. 

So we try something new, 

we set him up to succeed instead of setting him up to fail

Instead of looking for young misunderstood to mess up 

and not pay attention let’s watch for him putting in effort.

Let’s watch for those moments of frustrations for him, 

let’s watch to see how we can help him.

Let’s encourage him through a simple smile 

that says I believe in your and 

I am proud of how hard you are trying.

Young misunderstand smiles in return 

and from his fumbled distraction, 

refocuses himself in confidence because he is believed in.

Settling in

It’s feeling more and more like home. The first few weeks were more difficult between figuring out a new routine, a new section of the city, buses, grocery store all on top of plunging into after school program, learning new names and faces while leading people I am also just beginning to know. Yet in the newness of it all, there is a well acquainted feeling. Regardless of the new names and faces, building, community, bus numbers and programming details here and there it all is quite familiar and feels like home.

We are well into the 5^th week of after school program this year and daily more responsibly are being handed over to me. Since a came into after school program during the second week things had been planned and brainstormed ahead of time for the month of Oct which has been a great blessing of being able to watch street leaders lead games, being able to lead bible studies myself and watching everyone work together. Moving forward into the next few weeks I will be leading my  team of two interns and three street leaders to brainstorming more long term of what they want this year to be.

I am convinced as I have sent time planning and setting goals for the things I want to see for program for the youth over the next year that intentionality is a key word for me in it all. As I sat and thought about what we are doing I realized again just how easy it is for anyone to run an after school program in or for an at risk community and I am sure there are a large number of such programs already across this city. So why, why after school programs and to what end because I know for certain it is not just about being one in a long line of programs offered. What makes our program different?

I think it comes down to the intentionality we put into the focus of why we are doing what we do. We run program not to make good citizens or to teach kids how to be leaders and make a difference although we want both of these things to be true for our kids and youth, but it is not the ultimate focus. The focus is Christ, we want them to know Christ, not just know about him but truly know him personally. That changes how we run program, it takes the focus off of great programming, or the best homework help, or the greatest technology and puts all the focus on pouring into the youth the love of Jesus Christ. Modeling the impact within our own hearts from having a personal relationship with Him and tying those two things together thought teaching and walking through life this year with them.

Please pray that we would be fixed on Christ in all our planning, pray for good discussions and opportunities with the youth as we begin splitting into small groups to cultivate discussion and learning together.

Please pray for me as I lead my team, that I would listen well and coach them in a way that enables them to grow and learn as well as that points them to Christ.

I came that they might have life

 Thank you for reading this and for journeying with me! Tonight I struggle to know how to share with you what is going on in my heart and mind. It is just past 9 pm and I am sitting in my apartment reflecting on the past day. It contained a lot for me.

I was harshly reminded in so many different ways of the dangers, the evil and the desperate need for a Savior in this city and within this community I am working in. My morning began with a pray meeting with fellow woman in ministry where we shared daily struggles and things going on within our separate communities. My roommate who is working as a youth worker to the homeless youth downtown also joined this morning and shared with us horrific stories of the people with faces, lives and family members just like us. Only moments later we were joined by a late arrival who carried the disturbing news that early Saturday morning there had been a sexual assault of rape in the community where I serve. Only doors away from where my youth laid sleeping in their beds a man knocked on a door around 4 A.M and proceeded to rape the poor woman who opened the door.

This harsh, harsh reality of the terrible brokenness of this world. Hours later from another co-worked I hear of another incident only from the day before a drive by shooting just down the road committed by mere kids, youth.

The day continued and we picked up the kids from school and brought them to camp. It was a chaotic day, the kids had a lot of energy and struggled to listen well. A young boy particularly had a difficult day, he always seems miles away and his attention span even in a one to one conversation is not much to speak of. I struggle to know how to work with him, his care to do well is non-existent. I know from my co-workers that he comes from a very broken, unstable home and I simply plea that God will show me how to love this boy in a way that he needs it but also in a way that will show him the love of God, one that will never fail or abandon him.

As the kids leave at the end of program I spend a few minutes talking with my co-worker who runs the kids program who shares with me that she had to suspend four 9-10 year old girls after a bullying incident where they had planned and nearly executed the “beating” of another girl in camp. Sweet 9 and 10 year old girls who are shown and demonstrated by the community around them that this is acceptable.

Sometimes I forget, I forget the terrible brokenness. Camp can look so normal some days, so easy and fun. Kids arriving after school high in energy and hungry just like any other kids after a day of sitting in school. But I can forget the homes that they can come from. I hate these evil reminders of the events they live with, the terrible effects of sin. When I look at the realities that today showed I shake my head at the craziness and the seemingly out of control evil that runs amiss. It brings me to a place of crying out to God for His saving, life giving power to come and have its way in the hearts and lives of so many people!

John 10:10 “The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy but I CAME that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

First day at Camp Hope

"Hi Jello are you taking Tracy’s place?"

"Yes dear, I am."

First off I’d like to share with you the tremendous blessing it is to be able to follow after someone like Tracy. It is a beautiful thing to look at the kids and be able to see the personality and love of this dear woman who has captured their hearts. She has taught them how to love and how to be open to change even when it’s painful or sad. This question is a reminder to me of all the love that has been poured into them and as much as I am filling the role Tracy had before me I am not filling her place in these kids hearts, but because of the love that has been poured into them their hearts have grown to be open and willing in receiving new people into their hearts and that is one of the many ways God used Tracy in this community!

Twelve years old and dressed the part, her voice four volumes to high. Yes, looking for the attention of the eyes of anyone who might notice. Her words teetering on the edge of __________ as she draws people into listening to the gossip of so and so.

Under her breath mocking her leader as she steps forward to pick her work sheet, selecting the easiest and returning to her seat. She’s trying to follow the rules. I joke around with her, make her in her actions take back her previous spoken words of homeworking being no fun. She awkwardly sounds out words actually trying now.

Confusion written all over her face as her eyes are fixed scanning the words on the page. She’s trying to match what is being read to what she sees. The words of her bible are similar but don’t match up with the order she hears them being read. As the passage is discussed, she is eager to participate, open to hearing and as her eyes meet mine her face is radiantly lit with a smile. 

She’s sitting on the edge of her seat, her eyes eliminated. She’s waiting for her card to be called, but she gets trapped in ones again. In the excitement of the game she is fixed on hearing her next instructions. Not trying to gain attention or keep up an appearance but lost in the thrilled of being a kid and trying to win a game.

This is her fourth day at camp with UrbanPromise Toronto, Camp Hope ever. As I reflect over the day we didn't do anything that was super cool, are snack was little, program was no extravagant but something about being there made this young lady truly happy. I am excited to know her, to hear about her life, to journey with her this next year. I ask you to pray for her, thanking God for her receptiveness and asking Him to work through His Holy Spirit in her life.