It's not about your age

As you know my primary role is working with youth, kids of the ages from 11-14. This can be an interesting age as so much is going on in their busy consistently changing lives. But over my time here I have been able to branch out and been able to build relationships with the families that these youth come from. During the last four months we have for the first time been able to be more intentional with seeking out the mothers for the purpose of building relationship with them. Myself along with a few other young ladies I work with have been able to partner alone side of a local church and bring the mothers we are connected with though our kids to their weekly Mom’s Arise program.

This program has been such a blessing to myself as well as everyone I see attending it. It has provided the time and space to be able to mentor in a walking alongside them through life kind of way. It is a very daunting role to play, I feel unable most of the time to offer any kind of advice or comfort to so many of their tough situations.

Recently I watched the movie “The pursuit of happiness” which is about a man and his child just barely getting by in their life. He has a lot of potential but cannot seem to get a chance to prove himself or to get anywhere. He fights hard and realizes that sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better. He then steps out with a lot of faith and signs on for an unpaid internship which has a 1 in 20 chance of him being employed after a couple months. During this time he has to sink to lining up at 5 p.m. every day to stay in a shelter as he fought for his chance in life for happiness.

This movie reminded in so many ways of the situations a lot of the moms and people in the communities I work in are in. Situations that leave them feeling like they have no options and will only make their situation worse if they try anything different. There are no easy answers to so many of the stories, situations and circumstances I hear and are shared in confidence. I do not have the wisdom to offer or solutions that will “fix” their “problem”.

One day late Nov I was overwhelmed and burdened by the many things going wrong in one woman’s life which was affecting her entire family. I was burdened in a way that made me tired and frustrated. I met together with my supervisor and community director for advice and what was said to me frustrated me greatly but has been something that I have not been able to forget and is a constant good reminder for me. He said “When you are seeking wisdom you go to someone who is older then you for wisdom, when these woman are seeking wisdom they do not think about your age but they come to you because you have wisdom they do not”. He proceeded to remind me that I am unable to offer any kind of advice that will do any good but I do know the One who is able to provide everything that they need. I am not in the position I am in because I have the answers or because I am able to do anything about it. I am in those position to walk along side and to journey together with them as a sister.

It has been such a joy to get to know these woman but also such a learning experience as I am shown how little there is that I am able to offer because everything I have in is because of what I have in Christ. It has also been such an encouragement in the last few weeks to see such a change in just one of our mom’s. She is a mother who we thought would never come out to something like this and she would have preferred never to come out but as she puts it “I didn't want to come at first but eventually I gave in and came around”. She doesn't miss a day now and has completely changed from a hard woman who stiffened in hugs and would not speak to laughing so hard she cries and being moved to tears for others, in speaking and sharing willingly. Sure there may be a long way to go but we have a relationship and see is willing in ways she wasn't before. What potential this brings for the New Year as we continue meeting together regularly.

Please pray regularly for our moms and for our weekly gatherings with them on Wednesday mornings. Pray for opportunities and openness to be able to speak with them about the gospel and for acceptance in their hearts to make in their own. If you will mark your calendars Wednesday mornings or Tuesday nights be in pray for Mom’s Arise. 

A mess of my thoughts on a Christmas Eve.

It’s the day before Christmas, my first one in the city filled with buzzing people going here and there and every with arms and bags full of packages. This Christmas is a little bit different, the weather has been worth remember as it has left a lot of people without hydro and still I over hear plenty enough conversations of mothers, aunts, brothers, family members without hydro. And yet everyone is up and about to gather together for the celebrations of this time of year.

It is my first time being in the city so close to Christmas, actually it is currently 12:08 a.m. and so technically it is Christmas. It is very different here in the city compared to the quiet country. Things are a buzz here, early this morning I myself was rushing around to find some port loins to make the famous German schnitzel for our Christmas Eve dinner with the German interns. After many unrelated stops we were on the subway well on our way to arriving and I finally just slowed down enough to look around.

Right next to us was a family of what culture I am still not quick sure many Romanian or some eastern European is my uneducated guess. They sat together speaking in what to me was a foreign language, but what I was able tell was that they were happy as the two little boys nibbling on a cracking and sipping hot chocolate from a shared thermos. Next to them was an Asia couple chatting away. Beyond them was a young lady by herself tuned into whatever musical device was in her pocket. Across the aisle was what seemed to be two friends who had met up to chat on this Christmas Eve and were discussing hair color and random events of life? As I gazed farther down the car there was what seemed to be an unending amounts of people from all country and culture and many different languages. If I closed my eyes and just listened I could make out very little but putting aside all language, culture and whatever differences what I could sense was just a presence of togetherness as we were all on this train on this day, each heading somewhere with some purpose and most of us with smiles on their faces.

It made me think of how big this world is, of all the countries and cultures, peoples and religions. Made me think of how each person in that train had some understanding of this time of the year being a time of year to celebrate something and how being with family and friends seems to be important. Made me think of all the many ways and reasons people were and are celebrating. It made me think of how ever person in that train was exactly like me, just another person in this world, seemingly small, unimportant, just another person traveling to be with loved ones. Just another person working their way through this world very much doing their own thing but without really knowing and understanding living their lives with so many random strangers as we all travel together.

But yet if you think long term of where we are all going many do not know. Many of no idea where the train is heading and when or where they are going to arrive. Many are lost and don’t understand the subway map of this life and yet why not, we are all celebrating Christmas are we not and if we are celebrating Christmas should we also not understand why we are celebrating Christmas. Ah but there is a probably, so many do not even know why they are celebrating Christmas. How did Christmas even come to be? A reason to be with family and friends to give and to receive sounds good enough and so many do not even bother to think past that to why this holiday exists. It’s not like it is hidden, I was walking through Sears tonight on my way to get a coffee at Tim’s since church had been canceled due to hydro being out when I noticed a children’s toy nativity set. It sadly surprised me that these are still being sold, I did not expect it to still be “advertised” but it’s not as hidden as some of us tend to think it is. The day before today I was in another store and “Away and the manger” was being play loud and clear over the speakers for all to hear. “The little lord Jesus asleep in the hay”, people hear stuff like this all the time. Some time I wonder what people really do think of it all.

I love listening to other languages, to hear and yet to not understand. To at times be able to follow along by understanding a word here and there is like a game to me. It makes me feel like I am a part of something bigger then myself when there is something that is a mystery right before my own eyes or ears. I don’t know why this all made me think so much or affected me in this way but it made me feel very happy. Sitting on that training watching people represented from all over the world sitting in one train in one city, celebrating the same thing whether they are aware of it or not and to see them smiling and the irony is they don’t even know why such a thing as Christmas causes them to smile, imagine if they actually did and the real joy it would bring to their faces.  

My perspective

Two weeks had finally come together and as I stood taking it all in all I felt was joy. The basement glowed of Christmas lights and candles lighting the tables surrounded by our kids and their families enjoying a Christmas banquet. Christmas music played in the back ground as people talking and laughing with each other.

Moments later I was standing to the side of the stage with a group of kids watching my face intensely as we listened to the music and the que for them to go on stage for their part of the skit. The words said “Oh little town of Bethlehem looks like another silent night…… what will you miss while you are sleeping”. As the music boomed their the sanctuary I could see the audience drenched in pride of seeing their children 

on stage as well as the being able to experience the excitement of backstage 

as the kids finished their roles and came running back to receive the affirmation that 

they indeed did an excellent joy.

Not long later I was back down stairs, a few girls asking me for clarification having been shocked to hear from the previous message given upstairs that sinners are not allowed in heaven. I was able to explain the bases of why we need Jesus and what He did in order to make us sinless and thus able to stand before God as kids ran by throwing their arms around my waist wishing me a Merry Christmas, “see you after Christmas Jello”. Then I was back in the glowing room of lights and candles packaging the leftover food for families to take home. There expression bursting with thanks at the size of the trays. A young girl’s mouth gasped, “I get to take all of this home?”

Before I knew it everyone had left and as we switched into cleaning mode I was amazed by how blessed I could be by an evening of serving and celebrating something so grand as the birth of the Savior of the world, to be able to share this message and have relationship and laughing throughout it all is one of the greatest gifts we receive as a constant gift of Christmas. 

Fear

Tonight on walk homes two little boys spent the last few minutes before arriving at their home asking me repeatable to make sure I remember to inform their family member who good they had been, how well they listened, or happy they had been at camp. As we entered their hallway they did a double check to make sure their hat, scarfs and mitts where all on correctly to avoid being yelled at for not dressing properly.

As I stood at the door honestly reporting how well the boys had been, how well they listen and the ways we had seen them improve I knew they were both staring up at me hoping I would not forget any of the details. Once I had finished with the good report of the day it was responded with a far to brief nod of the head before negative words and bad past behave was spoken over them. Their hopeful smiles disappeared for once again there had been no acknowledgement, no praise or smile or high five. Just a slight nod before they were once again talked down and told off.

Fear, is a feeling that too many of our kids experience. This may not seem so odd for you to believe or imagine as you are aware that they all come from rough neighborhoods. Of course coming from such places would cause fear, but it is not so much the neighborhoods that I see them fearing. It is not the guys down the block or the house over there. It is not the crowding hanging in front of their building or the shading looking fellow sitting in his car.

They fear something that has a far bigger influence in their lives. They fear going home, they fear the very people the live with. The fear their family whether it is an older brother, cousin, grandma, mother or random person who dwells with them. They fear the harshness, the negativity spoken over their lives, the hurtful words and actions that are said or shown without a single thought.

As I walked away from their door, the young leader walking with me shook his head in his own disappointment with the situation as he mumbled how unfair it is. Why can’t they just be proud of themselves for 2 minutes before you shut them down again? As we discussed the unfairness of the situation I turned to Him and said, “I guess that’s why we are here doing what we are”. We can’t change any of it but we can speak positive, proud, loving words into these kids and we must, because we may be the only ones who are! 

Just to hang out

He is 13, growing up far too fast and is becoming preoccupied with other things besides camp. He is really into basketball and it is not uncommon for him to ditch us “leaders” to go to practice. Now this is not all bad, it is a good discipline and training he is getting, but the down side of it is though that we miss him at camp. Since the beginning of Sept he has not come Friday nights due to practice but this past Friday He stopped by for the few hours before camp and before his basketball practice just to hang out.

We messed around in the gym for a bit, chatted and had some fun teasing him. We at one point duck taped him to a post in the office trying to find a way to make him stay for the night all in fun of course. We laughed a lot of it was good. When it was time for him to head to practice he came to find me and asked me if I would walk him to the bus stop. Now this may seem very insignificant but let me tell you why this meant too much to me. This young man has a fear, a fear of walking alone in the dark. He lives in a very rough neighborhood and it is probably a good fear to have. Last year every Friday night when it was time to go home he would change from being a tough kid who didn't need anything from anyone to being a little boy asking me to walk him home and so I did every Friday night, it became a routine and one that I treasured.

This year things have changed and he had not until this night asked me to walk him anywhere. It meant a lot as I walked him to the bus stop 20 meters from the church. It wasn't far, he could have done it but he preferred to have me walk him. When I first met this kid we did not get alone, in fact he really didn't like me but the beautiful thing is a year later he comes by just to see me and to hang out. He has this place where he knows he can come any time and will be valued and loved and no matter how old he is I will still walk him to the bus stop.

Shoe less

It started like any ordinary kid's trip, we met up with the kids at the church and caught the bus to get to our location this week being down town to go to the St Lawrence Market. We had 5 girls and I was really excited to take them some where new and spend some time laughing with them. If I only knew.
After quiet a long but fun trip we went exiting the subway to walk to the market, it wasn't far now, almost there. Then at the top of the escalator my foot got caught as I should have been getting off. Because i did not step off of the last step my shoe slide under the tiny little gap. I tried to pull it out but since I was on a moving escalator I had nothing to get leverage off of and before I knew it my foot slide out of the shoe and it vanished through the gap, crap!

We all fell into a great heap laughing at the insanity of it all and before I could blink one of the young girls started grabbing newspaper from the shelve to make me a paper shoe. Due to a nice TTC worker who provide elastic bands we were able to fashion a shoe and off we set again. Only problem was it was raining, not quite the right condition to be walking around with a paper shoe. I was humiliated for any of you who know me I hate standing out and being out of control, now I was both walking down the street with one shoe and newspaper. After we wondered through St Lawrence Market we replaced the wet newspaper with a plastic bag which looked "way" better.

My plan all alone was to buy a new pair of shoes quickly but it never felt worth it enough to drag all the kids to a shoe store besides they enjoyed laughing at me and so for the next four hours I  walked around with a plastic bag and then my sock, down the streets, through the Eaton Center and all the way back home on the TTC. My foot was freezing but I was also learning some very valuable lessons, let go of the pride its really not worth it just learn how to laugh at it. Second how much I take my shoes for granted and what it feels like to be without a basic need ( or does it even count as a need?) while everyone around you has it without even considering the fact. It was a fun day but all my girls say the best part was me losing my shoe and walking without it for 5 hours in the rain. I'm glad it made their day because it was my favorite pair of shoes so it makes it all worth it in the end. Defiantly the strangest thing that has ever happened to me and I will definitely be careful on escalators from now on and none of my girls will ever forget to tell me to be careful when I get onto one.

My boys

      Within my passion for Urban Promise there is found a lot of smaller passions and a love for individuals or situations. This week my heart has gone out to a group of our older boys. Last year our team had very different dynamics and due to this I spent a lot of my time reaching out and finding ways to connect with the boys. This included basketball, football, wood working, or anything else that interested them. It was a difficult task last week connecting with them but by the end of the year we were tight and they are my boys now.

This year things have changed, we have a lot of new younger kids in camp and our structure has had to change because of this. Things have changed with the boys, I have had a lot less time to be able to spend with them and because of all the changes in camp some of them have stopped coming as regularly. They are struggling to adapt to the new leader and some out of frustration have stopped coming to camp as regularly. I hate that because of the changes in camp they don’t have them same interest in camp. I hate that I don’t have the same amount of time to spend with them. I hate that other things are taking over their priorities. I miss them and my heart aches at the fact that there is always that possibility of losing them.

There are so many things fighting against their lives and their time. The other day one of the boys I hadn't seen in over a week stopped by at camp just to say hi. I barricaded the door and didn't let him leave until we had a good talk. I miss this kid, I miss my boys. I have a huge spot in my heart for them and I don’t ever want to lose them entirely.   Please be praying for this group of boys that they would still desire the love and relationship they can find at camp. That we wouldn't lose the opportunity to continue building that relationship and to spread the love of Jesus Christ to them.

It's what they call home

Dark echoing hallways that used to be beige but now are just covered in dirt marks and smudges. The smell is not a pleasant one, it’s a musty or almost stall air lined with the smell of weed and other drugs. The apartments themselves are dark, cluttered and simple and yet there are the tiniest of small reminders of the creativity of those who live in these homes. Small gardens along their fencing, a colorful welcome rug by the door or a table set with a colorful umbrella, simple little things that cheer up the surroundings. The atmosphere in this community is a tough one and as we walk our group of kids home at the end of the day you can never be quite sure what it will be like. Some days it seems like a quiet little community with kids running around playing tag while other days there is a really heavy atmosphere felt upon walking into its perimeter. Over even just the last few weeks the walks homes have varied in such extremes from one week laughing and taking, sitting listening to leaves falling and having a crab apple fight to cautiously being aware of our surrounds and the others around us. From laughing and playing the whole way home to arriving at their door and in that difficult situation of having to leave them in some times tough unfair situations.

The other day we left the church in the pouring rain to get the kids home, it was one of the best walk homes I have been on due to how much I have seen my kids grow and how this walk home showed such evidence of the fact. It started with little girls whining about their hair getting wet and then seeing my sweet little gentlemen giving up their hats, holding their bags or umbrellas over their heads to keep them dry. The little girl’s smiles were deep, they were being cared for, treasured and being treated like they were the precious little girls they were made to be. The little boys were thriving from the smiles on the girl’s faces and the affirming words that they were being such good gentlemen to the ladies and that I was proud of them. As we arrived in the community and were walked away from the first little girl door I called out that I loved her as I walked away. A moment later she was hugging my leg as she said “I love you too” before she ran back to her door. Our trip continued as one by one we brought the kids home. As we neared the last door where my little gentleman who gave up his hat lived he looked up at me and asked if I would please tell his grandmother what a good gentleman he had been. I assured him I would proceeded to along with the other leader boast very highly of how amazing he had been. The sad part of this is that he was given no recognition by his grandmother but was only scolded and yelled at for not having worn a jacket.

As we walked through the community back to our camp the beauty and the hardship of this community clashed in my head and hear.It was such a beautiful time with our kids and yet the hardship of bring them back into the community and homes they are from is sometimes the hardest thing to do. There is such a brokenness that dwells over so many of their homes that constantly remind me of the desperate need we are all in for a Savior who has control over ever kind of evil!

Pray for the communities our kids come from, pray for the protection of the people and families who live there and most of all pray that the presence of the Holy Spirit would be what reigns within and over that place.  

Stair well discussions

My favorite part of every day is when my group of nine 11-12 year old girls close their homework books and head to the stair well, the only spot left to find some quietness to open the bible and learn more about the gospel together. Often they take forever to settle into their “spots” along the stairs, pull out their little note books, pick the right color of pen they want to use and quiet down to a point we were can get started. It is common for me in these times to grow impatient as I want to hurry things along and actually get start but recently I have had to check myself and stop and enjoy these moments of my little girls wanting everything to be perfect before we get started, so what if it’s a few minutes later then I planned. As the finally get all settled their eyes are look down at me sitting at the base of the stairs, eagerly waiting to see what it is we are going to talk about today. As their eyes peer readily at me I am struck with a sense of awe at the amazing position God has enabled me to be in. How is it that I get to be the one to present to these young girls the truth of the gospel, then in the next moment this sense of fear comes over me at the lack of knowledge and ability I have to be able to accomplish this task. How can I ever clearly convey the gospel to them? 

But the beauty in this is that I can never clearly perfectly convey it to them there is nothing in myself that has the ability to even get the point across it is all because of the grace God shows to be able to share just a bit of what He has done in my own life and point them to the living word. I am reminded of 1 Peter 4:11 “If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen”. It is only by the ability and words given by God that I am able to sit before them and to share with them the gospel that changed my life. It is extraordinary the way that God is willing to use me, weak and sinful and yet by the grace of God He chooses and enables me to be a part of His story and spreading His love to others.

As we leave the stair well at the end of our discussion I check the time and 9 times out of 10 discover that once again we have gone way over our 20 minutes of bible study time. So many days after the bible study is over we stay in the stair well, missing out on free time and games just sitting and talking about the bible. They never run out of questions, good solid and often hard questions but what a joy it is for me to be able to spend so much time talking of the thing I love the most with these girls who I love so much

Please pray for my group of young girls as we continue to dive into the bible to discuss and learn about what He has done for us if only we accept. Please pray that they would not only learn the facts about the gospel but that it would go far beyond and much deeper than just head knowledge. Also pray that God would continue to enable me to be able to speak the truth not in my own strength or wisdom but in His. 

My God how we need you!

I heard her yell, yell at her leader, yell in anger but all I cared about was the fact that I had heard her voice. I was sitting working on homework with a group of girls knowing that my co leader was in the middle of disciplining one of the older girls. I heard her yell in his face and all I felt was relieved. Relieved that she had at least said something, her saying something even if it was yelling was better than her doing her so familiar head turn, face looking over her shoulder shutting out the world. Words filled with anger, hurt and pain yelled where better than her holding them all inside alone.

First day he threatened to leave camp, second day he threatened to hit another kid, third day he stepped over boundaries and pushed the limits, fourth day he didn't show up. Fifth day he spoke to me, spoke of his boxing career, obviously exaggerating. Sixth day he spoke, he let down his guard and just spoke simple truth.

As I think of each of my precious young adults all I can think of is how badly I want them to know and experience the saving love and grace of my Savior and Lord. Please join me in praying for their hearts to be open and for His power to take control!

Fall adventures

As a team we came to  a collective decision that this year we wanted to make our weekend trips with the kids about experiencing new things, appreciating the simple things and enjoy the people and things around us without spending a lot of money. Each other of our team members is an active adventurer and hard core nature enthusiast. And so our first trip this weekend was one to a park for a picnic and to slack line.
In the end only two boys were able to come of the 5 we invited and so we decided to make it interesting and try to find a back entrance into the park. This brought us to jumping fences, falling down hills, walking along the Humber river, trying to find a way to cross and finding out way to the park. Side note the whole thing was done while carrying lunch and a bike!
We finally arrived at our destination and clasped in a heap for lunch. One of my young man prayed, he prayed for safety in our crazy travels, for us to have a good time and for us to have double the amount of fun on the way home.
The rest of the day was spent tossing a football around, climbing trees, slack lining, catching a frog (and bring it home), observing deer, teaching/learning how to bike and lots of laughter.
Never before had either of these boys hiked through a forest, slack lined or climbed a tree. One of the boys for the first time learned "how" to ride a bike and never had they ever had a pet frog named jumpy or been so close to deer.
It was a day of new experiences and enjoying the things God has created so beautifully. It was for them a Saturday they didn't spend in front of their TV playing video games. It was a day of adventure. One that I hoped taught they how much there is to enjoy in this world if you just look around.

A new season!

Once again my apartment as filled up with young adults from around the world as we dive into a new season and a new year of after school program in our much loved communities through UrbanPromise.
Going into my second year holds more responsibility in training, leading, as well as be pushed past the normal grind of running after school program.
Yesterday was a revamp day as we evaluated last years program, schedule and carefully made adjustments for this year.
Over all our youth program in Rexdale is a much younger crowd compared to last year. We have about 10 youth who will be moving up from the kids program into our youth program which is very exciting for them and for us!  There is so much potential in the group we will have this year. They are eager, full of questions and are up for anything. This gives us huge opportunity which I feel a huge responsibility to make sure that it is not ignored.
As I brainstormed what I wanted this year to be about I kept coming back to experience. Experience God, experience new things, and to learn.
There is so much to be learned and experiences by our kids that if not for what we plan they will never get a chance to experience.
As I thought on that I also started realizing all the many resources I have in people I know and friends. Resources not so much in the materialistic way but in the resource of brains, ideas and skills. So one of my big goals this year is to use these resources, to use the skills of others I know to bless these kids and I am very excited to see God is going to bring up and pull out of this desire and what He is going to do through it all.
He has also opened more opportunities for me to be involved in the bigger picture of things happening in Toronto as I helped start up a brand new daily bread food bank last Sunday in east Etobicoke and will be continue to help with new branch of out reach into our community.

Please pray for Camp Victory, Camp Freedom and Camp Hope as we buckle down, evaluate, pray and plan over our program plans from now until Christmas season. Pray for wisdom and creativity to see outside of the box.
Pray also for the food bank that through it we would be able to build relationships with families within our community and share with them the living bread of life!

Not alone

I had only met her twice before but it only took a day for this eleven year old girl to find her spot curl up beside me on the coach resting her head on my shoulder asking me questions and listening attentively. I had the chance during my second week of “vacation” to go along to a cottage with some friends and a few kids from their summer/afterschool program located not too far from where I work in T.O. It sounded restful, fun and so I went along never imagining the many ways I would be encouraged and strengthen through it.

This young lady is like so many others her age; young, scared of what life might do, confused about a lot of things and desperately seeking someone to hold her and talk with her. She wanted to know who she was going to marry and if she would ever have to face divorce. She made such profound comments about being an enemy with people is more comfortable than being friends because she feels more in control. So many effects and fears developed from what she sees and experiences in life, so common to so many others in this world living in protection mode scared to show who they really are and afraid of being hurt, not knowing the One who is more than willing to love, care and save them.

Yet as our time at the cottage continued there were so many moments of God being so evident. Of lying on the trampoline star gazing and being able to speak of the creator of every star being the same God who formed our lives, of watching a sunset or staring in a fire, of sharing our own testimonies and lives, of joining hands before bed and praying together, of opening own lives to each other and sharing the same love that was so graciously given to us by the creator of this universe who love, cares and seeks after each one of us.

Psalm 139

Spiritual Warfare

So often in many accounts in history when people work hard for God and for His kingdom there are also accounts of the devil seriously attacking, trying to destroy the things God is doing through our efforts.

Tonight we had our community night to celebrate the community of Rexdale. It was a wonderful evening full of joy and fun. A time were they kids can be proud of themselves and their accomplishments and were the community is given a space were they can be proud of the things they bring to their community. Just like every year our purpose in having this celebration is not only to bring the community together for a good positive reason but to take the opportunity to speak truth into the lives of many in the community through the kids, their acts or our sharing. Also just like many years in the past the devil works very hard on this exact night every year. He attacks in many ways; through division, fights, anger and other things, to distract and erupt the peace we bring by uniting the community for this evening.

Just as in past years this was again true of tonight. Only two blocks away from our lawn covered in tables and chairs flooded with kids playing on the bouncing castle and adults talking and eating was the reality of yet another shooting to strike this community. Another harsh reminder of the violence, gangs and hatred that grips so many in this community.

This should be no surprise to us at all, of course the devil wants to stop anything we are trying to do to bring glory to God. When we step out to do big things for God he tries so desperately hard to stop what we are doing. The good news is that even amidst the chaos, hurt and hatred God is far bigger and He still rules over Rexdale. Please continue to pray for this community as this is yet another mark, a familiar and yet painful mark against this community as we are reminded of the reality of the spiritual warfare that goings on around us.

No words can explain this kind of experience!

I was sitting and watching the young run through their rehearsal of their skit.The skit was about a few different individuals falling into sin by stealing, drinking and fighting and each of them had a different reaction to the gospel just like in the story of the sowers and the seed. There being caught in sin was represented by chains around their shoulders and they were removed when repentance and forgiveness happened. Close to the end of the skit I noticed one of my 8 year old boys sitting, watching and crying. I went over to see what was wrong and one of the other boys told me he was upset about the skit. I assumed it had to do with the fact that his older brother was in the skit and pulled him aside to talk with him. He continued to cry and told me through his sobs that the skit made him feel scared. Through the tears we figured out that it was because of the chains and he was worried he had chains holding him. I was able to share the gospel with him and show to him that like in the skit when the boys prayed and confessed their sins to Jesus he forgives them and removes their chains. I told him that just like the boys he didn't have to keep the chains binding him very much because Jesus loves him very much and doesn't want him to be bound by the chains either but that he can make them free. His tears didn't end so I wrapped him in a hug and prayer over him that Jesus would give him peace and help him to understand. After a while of sitting together while he dried his tears he went and join his friends again.

I was overwhelmed, tears flooded my own eyes, this little boy eight years old crying and grieving over being in bondage. I pleaded with God to work in his heart as I fled the room to cry and pray. You have to understand I have a huge spot in my heart for this little guy. I picked him up after school every day this whole past year and care so much for him. It was overwhelming the amount of love and desire I had for him to truly understand his sin and why he has chains binding him and to know that God loves him and desires for him to be free.

Ten minutes later I noticed him off to the side crying again and his leader was struggling to get him to join the other kids not understanding the bigger struggle within him. I took him aside and sat down with him again and asked him what was wrong and he told me it was the same thing the chains still worried him. So I asked him why, forcing him to speak what he was feeling. He then confessed he was scared because he does bad things and he has chains around him. I prodded more and through his deep sobs he told me he fights and some times he steals from the grocery store and that he has chains because of this. I asked him if he wanted to get rid of the chains and he said yes. I asked him if he knew who could take them away and he replied Jesus. We then spoke of what Jesus did on the cross in order to take away our sins and chains. We prayed together, he asked that God to forgive him for fighting and stealing and asked Jesus to take the chains away because he doesn't like them and they are heavy. We then spoke of grace and how when we confess our sins Jesus takes our sin and our chains and throws them far away. They are gone, completely gone.We spoke of what he has to do now to try and stop fighting and stealing, to speak to God a lot about it and that he could also talk to myself or any of the other leaders any time about any of it. It was incredible to see the conviction and pain on this little boys face as he considered his sins and the chains holding him. As he wiped away his tears I was amazed to realize just how much God taught me about his grace through this experience. After I led him back to join his group yet again this time with a smile on his face I again had to escape as tears flooded my own eyes at the wonder of this moment, of what God was doing and what he allowed me to be a part of.

PLEASE, continue to pray for this little man as he has many struggles and temptations ahead of him. Pray that he will never lose this conviction, that he will continue to go to God, speak to us leaders and that he will learn what it means and how to live a life that represents Jesus Christ.

He doesn't like me

"He doesn't respect me, he hates having to talk or listen to me,  I'm a crappy leader, he doesn't like me",  statements similar to these and self doubts kept running through my head as I inwardly struggled after having a tough disciplinary conversations with one of my boys. 

These are quite common in our relationship, the difference this time was I had the supervisor take him aside and talk with him and he had just returned and joined the rest of the group. 

He avoided eye contact knowing that it was I who had "turned" him in. 

I knew I had to speak with him before we both left for the day even if it was about nothing but just to get past this silence between us. I didn't know what I should do.

In moments like these I often doubt my own value as a leader. "Did I do the right thing, did I cause him to make a bad decision, maybe I didn't handle it right, does he hate me?"

As I fought to shut up these voices I looked over at him silently sitting on his seat. 

Then he looked up at me, made eye contact and said "Jello, how much money are you bringing tomorrow?"

His face held a solemn expression, as I saw repentance spill from his eyes.

A knowing look pasted between us when I smiled down at him.

I sat beside Him and he continued to ask questions and make an ordinary conversation.

As I watched his face light up as we continued to talk I realized just how far my relationship with this young man have come. 

The fact that I can be hard on him or in his words "pick on him" and yet after his anger and frustration with me "picking on him" he comes back to a place were he desires to be in relationship and conversation with me. Two minutes before this all happened he had been arguing and very frustrated with me for disciplining him but after those brief moments He came back to still craving my attention and approval.

I love this young man, he can be my greatest challenge any given day but He is my biggest blessing when I experience moments like these. 

Please pray for my young men!

Your Love oh Lord

Walking home tonight after camp I was again reminded of the painfully at risk live style so many of the kids and youth I work with live in. Today was another ordinary and what I would call a good day at camp but there still so much to remind me of the type of live so many of the youth in Toronto and all over the world live with.
Yesterday one of my kids mom came to church on her own, after the service I spent some time talking to her. I asked if she was having a nice relaxing weekend with her boys being gone to their fathers. She responded honestly as she told me she was happy they were gone so that she didn't have to worry about them seeing her cry. She told me that she hadn't slept in a few nights due to worry and fear of a circumstance in her live and that sleeping pills were making her feel worse. She was a worried mother who was scared and alone We were able to pray together before she went to talk to the local pastor.

This weekend two young men were shot and killed one in Jane and Finch area and another in Brampton. I don’t know either of these men but I know people from the community who know there names, the young man in Brampton was the cousin of one of my kids. I have never experienced receiving the news that my cousin has been shot and killed and the fact that my kids live in a world were they are no longer shocked my shootings and only saddened and angry by them makes me angry.

Today at camp the realization didn’t stop, as I work and observe my youth I am often concerned by certain repeated behaviours. Behaviours that make me worried about the possibility of emotional or physical abuse at home, eating disorders, and bullying whether it be siblings or other kids at camp. These things remind me of the harsh reality that is true for far to many young kids.
As I reflected on all the mess and brokenness on my walk home I noticed the sky and the clouds and for a brief second I missed the country and the corn field and the simpleness of picking veggies and seeing God in amazing ways through that. But then these lyrics came to mind

Your Love oh Lord reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness stretches to the skies
And your righteousness is like the mighty mountains
Your justice flows like the oceans tide
So I will lift my voice and worship You my King
I will find my strength in the shadow of Your wings

Its hard and painful working with these kids, when I have to talk about hard things with them and I don’t know what to say. When I am overwhelmed with hurt, pain and angry at the hurt, pain and loss in their lives. When I worry about them or have to let them make their own decisions even if I know they will choice to make a bad one. When I am overwhelmed with the brokenness that I see I think of these words and remember that the Lord’s love exceeds mine, that His faithfulness to the kids I love stretches to the sky, that His righteousness is higher then mountains and that His justice flows constant like the oceans tide and so I am able to lift my voice and worship Him, I can find strength in His wings!

Experiencing the blessings!

Just finished the third week of summer camp which means that we are official half way done with summer camp! I cannot believe how fast the last three weeks have gone. Being half way through is such a great stop to be in, everyone has figured out how camp runs, times has allowed for relationships to be made and to be brought to the next level of trust and dependency. 

This past week has really been a week of growth. Of kids opening up, asking questions and sharing their thoughts and struggles. Our time of bible study has shown me just how much my young girls desire to learn and to grow, they cling to any of my life examples that I share with them and this only helps to bring more trust into our small group. 

I have also by now see the worst and the best of my kids and because I have experienced them at their worst it makes their best just that much better. 

One of the big things I have noticed this past week is that because of the growth in relationships the last few weeks tough conversations have been able to happen. When kids act out and when problems have arise there have been so many times this week when I was able to pull a few of the youth out and just talk with them, addressing their mistakes but also helping them look to and think to the future to see how they could do things better next time. Experiencing them recognizing their own mistakes and desiring to be different is the biggest blessings I have from working with these youth. Today during our trip to the Toronto Zoo I particularly noticed one of my young ladies activity working at something she had been struggling with earlier this week. After half of the day had gone by she walked up to me to inform me that she was trying to do better. I assured her that I had noticed and was  very proud of her. 

Earlier this week I was praying with my program director who I also worked with last summer I was encouraged by his words saying how I had been a good leader but this year I was just one of them! Those words meant to me in that moment more then anyone reading this would understand. Today I had to watch a few of my friends/room mates say goodbye to their beloved kids from this past year.  I watch them give hugs, trying to help their kids understand why they have to leave and seeing the tears roll down their face as their hearts break. I understand, I think of how I would be if I had to say goodbye to all these kids and youth that I have loved and invested in and my heart breaks just thinking of it. Tears enter my own eyes just knowing and understanding the difficulty of having to say goodbye and to leave. 

As today ended and I sat on the beloved TTC I was filled with thankfulness for were I am, what I am doing and by the fact that I get to be here and get to remain here. That God isn't done with me here yet and that I can still love and grow with these amazing young people!

Exploring Caves

I had the awesome privilege of once again going on a trip with the youth I work with to the Warsaw Caves in Peterborough. I love the Warsaw Caves, I love being in nature, climbing into holes in the ground, shining a light, and crawling through holes hoping I'm taking the right route to find my way to the other end. I love the thrill of it personally, of the dark, wet, cold hard walls around me, the water dripping from the rocky ceiling and seeing rays of sun shining through the cracks in the rocks. But the one thing that tops this experience is taking kids and helping them explore and experience something I deeper enjoy!

 I had a small group of four young girls who were very eager and yet slightly fearful of the dark unknown. Entering the first cave involved pushing, arguing who would go first and a great deal of yelling. Once we established an order, rules about who was aloud to talk and when we could continue forward. The first cave we ventured through probably took us a good ten minutes to make our way through the rises and falls, corners and tunnels to at last seeing the light ahead! Once we were in clear day light I couldn't keep them there, they were so eager and excited to explore all the caves. One that we entered took a great deal of trust on their part on me and my judgement. About five feet into this cave there was a 7 foot drop which I gladly dropped into to explore what the landing was like. I then had the girls one at a time enter the cave and sit on the ledge about foot and a bit above my head. I then coaxed them to reach across the gab with one hand while holding onto the ledge the sat on with the other trusting me to grab a hold of their waist to lower them to the ground. It took some longer then others to trust enough to do as I instructed but eventually we all made it down! Another cave we enjoyed was one that opened up to a very large almost room like area were one of my girls decided we should sit and pray and so we did, thanking God for His creation and that we could be beneath the ground under neath the rocks but still in His sight and completely in His care.

It is one of my favorite trips to take these kids on, for a number of different reasons but I think the main reason is because it takes them so far outside of their comfort zone to experience something so different then what they have before. It brings them to a place were they must depend on some one else to be able to find their way through these caves as well as trusting the fact that the rocks will not fall and that we will find a way out. It stretches their understanding of the world and God and just creates so many opportunities to be able to speak of God and His creation.

As we prepared to enter into this week of camp please pray for growth to happen spiritually in these kids lives as we start to tackle the topic of “Harvesting what you reap” “You will harvest what you plant. Of you follow your selfish desires, you will harvest destruction, but if you follow the Spirit, your will harvest eternal life.” Galatians 6:7-8

First Week Back

I have been with urban promise for a complete year now and I am still being faced daily with things that are completely new to me. After a year I'd kind if hope to get the hang of everything and just have some smooth sailing here on in but no such luck cuz God still has a lot to teach me and so He keeps putting me and giving me new things and situations to tackle which are out of my comfort zone. Taking me past my previous experience and sometimes knowledge to have to figure things out as I go. It really I amazing and so good for me in order to keep me humble and brought low in myself and to find my confidence alone in the fact that Christ is working in, through and for me.

Going into this summer I was excited to be able to experience the same thing I did last summer, yet knowing the mistakes I made last year and being able to learn from them. As well as having an advantage of having a relationship with a lot of the kids I am working with.
Not all the youth are the same, some of them are youth that I have been with all year while others I haven't seen since last summer and here is also a hand full of new youth coming out.
A lot of the girls I have been working with this past year have all graduated from grade 8 and are moving on to new things and so new for me this summer is the fact that I am no longer leading girls who are 13-14 but instead girls who are 10-12.

Now this may not seem like much of difference in age and in my life growing up it wasn't that big of a deal having such a small age gab but with the cultural differences this little difference in age means a lot. It is completely new to me! I am used to leading girls who have tons of attitude, talk back, diss, and are quickly becoming involved in sexual conversations, words and actions. Last week I started my small group with an entirely new group for me of young girls who are defiantly younger, quieter, shy, sweet, full of questions and are actually quite girly which is also new to me. The change in dynamics could not be more different.
Something else that is new and exciting is what I am in charge of preparing for community night at the end of the summer. Previous years preparation for community night consisted of planning skits and dances and other typical talents. This year my Intern Director is planning for this evening and he has a very special gift of being able to see the bigger things outside of the box. Just over a week ago he spoke to me about his idea of having a group of kids from camp creating, writing, editing and putting together a couple page newspaper for
our local community. He later emailed me his ideas and notes and pretty well said go. I was super excited and yes kind of scared, it was his vision, idea and passion and it was my job to implement these accurately. The more I thought of the idea the more excited and passionate I was about it. Wednesday was my first day in determining a group of youth to commit to working with me on this project. It was a lot of fun brainstorming, discussing and planning to be able to make our very own newspaper! I have never done anything like this and defiantly have never had to lead others in it but it's all about trial and error and learning as you go. I am excited to see what will come out of this as we learn more about newspapers, reporters
and writing. I am also really excited for this opportunity for these youth to be able to learn and actually complete something so cool together.

"I am a friend of challenges", I first heard this quite last September from one of my fellow interns. The more I think about it the more I realize what a good quote it is. To be a friend of challenges means taking them on even when you don't have it all figured out ahead of time. To not be scared or hesitant about them but just excepting them. Challenges stretch us and make us depend on God when we cannot depend on ourselves and our own strength and abilities. Something God is teaching me the last couple weeks is that I am not a pro, I don't have this all figured out and I need to depend on Him as He continues to place challenges and new difficult things in front of me!

Bursts of Joy

I had so much joy brought into my day today by one single young boy.

This guy makes me laugh so much, I wish I had a video or photo or something to get

you to understand what happened with him today.

But words shall have to be enough since that is all I have that I am able to share with you.

I was running a game of taboo with a group of kids, the rules consisted of having to stay

seated and raising your hand in order to make a guess as to what the correct answer was.

This particular kid is always bursting with energy and sitting to begin

with is a very difficult task for him.

As the game went he was never late shouting out answers and jumping

out of his chair as he did it. I repeatably told him that he needed to remain seated

and to raise his hand. He was trying so hard to get my attention,

to make a guess and to be seen or heard by me. This continued to the point where

he was literally jumping on one leg directly in front of me, blocking all the

other kids repeating over and over again "Jello, jello I know, pick me!"

It's so hard to be firm or to even try to discipline or explain things to him at times like this,

it just doesn't work, he is far to cute, far to funny and it's next to impossible to do

anything except laugh and hug him!

Summer Training Retreat

A leader is someone who looks at the world and says it doesn’t have to be this way and does something about it!

This quote has been floating around Urban Promise for a while now and with good reason, this quote explains our street leaders! They are young, they start off with little experience but have a heart and a passion for something to change and they take the initiative to make that something happen. For the past four days I was able to be a part of the best ever training retreat to get all our street leaders, interns, staff and volunteers trained and ready for summer camp beginning next Monday. It was second time attending this yearly retreat and I was completely blown away by all the amazing things involved.  Not only does Urban Promise have the best staff members who are willing to do and try anything for the sake of fun, learning and spiritual growth but there was this atmosphere surrounding all these people of love and acceptance without any form of judgment.  Seventy five people and we truly were a family!

The street leaders amazing me, new and old! There were so many who have been involved for years and years and others who are just being now connected with Urban Promise for the very first time. They have passion to make a difference, they have a desire for their communities and most importantly they are willing to grow, they desire to grow! Their lives our tough but they value and appreciate every relationship they have.  Across the board so many amazing me with such an outstanding attitude to joy and rejoice in everything, in the cultures in our communities family is huge, its everything, you always stick with your family and these young adults consider Urban Promise their family and they stick with it!

Our theme for the entire summer and so obviously for this weekend as well was InsideOut  which deals with the issues of our hearts being so broken, wicked and in need of a change and how that change can only happen and needs to happen from the InsideOut through Christ! It is a beautiful theme of redemption and full dependence on God with no reliance in ourselves or our own strengths. This was brought home through the three sermons our Executive Director had prepared around this theme to better equip us to be able to teach others.

What better way for us to being our summer as a team going out to speak this truth to many kids and youth across our three communities in Toronto (Scarborough, Jane + Finch, Rexdale) then to be fully immersed into God’s word, worshiping, praying, competing, team building, laughing and enjoying each other! The love expressed and shown within our team of 75 scattered throughout the city of Toronto is a held together by a strong cord of love that is only there because of the work our Savior has done in each of us!

Glorified in our brokenness

To make wine, a grape needs to be crushed, for olive oil an olive needs to be smashed, for a plant to grow; a seed needs to be broken.

God doesn't want perfect people who have it all together. He doesn't want a good Christian just obeying all the right rules, dressing the right way, using the right language or attending church twice every Sunday. He doesn't desire obedience for the sake of obedience or those who want to prove how good and perfect they can be. There is no glory given to God in this. It is fake, a masquerade of the truth which is not pleasing or holy to God.

He desires brokenness. We need to be crushed, smashed and broken without any dependence in or on ourselves and all dependence on God. We need to be unable ourselves in order to have the right desperate need for Christ. We need to be more concerned with the state of our hearts and intentions over the state of our appearance, self-confidence or popularity.

God is willing and ready to rid you of ever thing keeping you from being completely crushed, smashed and broken before His throne. He will remove anything blocking you from coming into His love, He will tear down, take away, destroy or change anything and any circumstance to bring you into His saving grace only if you will humbly be crushed, smashed and broken before His face in utter dependence for the entirety of your life!

The Potters at work

I flopped on our rickety old bed on the balcony. It was another late night and the breeze on the balcony was greatly welcomed. I was refreshed from my busy day that had gotten me down by the peace and quiet that the city offers late at night. I may be in the city but the moon still shines and assures me of that fact that I have a creator watching over me. The silence but interrupted by my new neighbors who so far are not the nicest people to live beside. He stood on the neighbor balcony slurring his words as he swore and yelled at his apparent “friend”. I was reminded of the many things in this world that are not as they should be, broken families, evil, pain, suffering, selfishness and the many other things that make this world the messed up place that it is. There is peace and good in this world but it is so often overshadowed by all the things that are not good and right.

The words from Jeremiah 18:5-6 came to my mind and reassured me “Than the word of the Lord came to me, O House of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter has done? declares the Lord. Behold, like the clay in the potter’s hand so are you in my hand”

I was reminded that even a midst the chaos and brokenness of this world there is something that reigns above all of these things. He is the Potter and He sees and is so aware of everything going on in this community, city and world. This entire world is in the palm of the Potters hand and He does with it exactly what He wants. I am in His hand and He can do with me whatever he sees fit. There is such joy in knowing this.

As we finish preparing this week and dive into training next weekend for summer camp and can reflect and remember these words that God does what He pleases. With every staff, volunteer and intern running summer camp and with every child and youth who will be attending, He is the Potter of each of these precious clay pots and He is building and molding each of the according to His will, in His timing, through His means and for His glory! He is working; He might flatten and kneed the clay multiple times before He completes His work on each clay jar. But I can rest assured, that even when I am trying to sleep as I am disturbed by the creepy neighbors that there is something far greater happening and the Potter is still working on His master piece in each of us!

Finally Home

You know the feeling of being home, knowing that you are were you belong? 

I sat up till 2 a.m last night catching up with my strange, crazy yet wonderful family members made up of girls from all over the world. 

Two weeks apart made for plenty to catch up on.

A few of us slept on our balcony last night, it isn't meant to be slept on but we have this weird metal bed looking thing, so we dragged a mattress out and slept under the stars and city lights, and the pigeons 

didn't wake us till nearly six.

The traffic lasted all night but I saw a brief glance of a glowing red moon and a gorgeous bit of a sun rise.

I start the coffee to perk and pull out my bible as the other girls slowly start waking up and joining me in our cozy living room decorated with green, brown and burgundy walls. 

Our home is unique, it has a crazy contrast of colors as well as people. 

We added a new chalk board wall to our kitchen yesterday and will be added four new members to our family here at Jane and Finch this afternoon from at least three different countries.

It is strange, it is busy, we have plenty of laughs, creativity and difference but that is what makes 

it such a blessing!

I am so happy to be back, it really does feel like home in this place!

Pray for peace and unity in our home and our team as we start up again this summer so that we may be effective at reach kids, youth and families with the love of Jesus Christ!

Just don't get to attached!

I found out on Sunday that one of my twelve year old girls was hospitalized and had passed out and the doctors did not know why. I was a mess; I was on my way to my parents after an exhausting weekend and felt completely done, finished with and ready to sleep for days till everything passed. In the process of someone trying to cheer me up their advice to me was to just not get so attached.

I work with families and kids in a community in Rexdale. They don’t have much; their lives are filled with fathers who leave gangs, drugs, guns and shootings. Run down government housing homes and lack of respect, care, love, safety and hope. I go in there to earn their trust, build relationships, to show them I care and value them. So show them their value and most of all to show them the hope that we can all have in Jesus Christ if only we accept His love in our lives.

But it’s not all easy. It’s hard being away from my family and my friends. It’s hard that the people closest to me don’t understand what I do or how much it means to me or how much it can affect me at times. It is hard being absent from so many events and things I’d love to be at. It’s not easy always missing someone or something. It means there are times when I will be very lonely and like I am doing everything on my own because there is no one around to support me.

 It is also not always easy building relationships in the community that I work it, it takes a lot of hard work and times to establish a relationship with someone who isn’t used to anyone caring about who they are. It takes a lot to earn some ones trust and respect when all they know is people letting them down. It means really investing, caring and valuing someone who may have little regard for you. It means being disappointed when they don’t respond the way I’d like to them and hurts when they lash out in anger because of the injustice of their own lives. And it means tears and pain when I know one of my little girls is in the hospital and I can’t be there with her and I don’t know how she is doing. It also means I will have a burden and a heavy heart knowing that she doesn’t yet know the Lord.  

But it’s a mission field. I am only an hour away from my “home” and not even that far from my “home church”, but in another sense I couldn’t be farther away. The lifestyle in Rexdale could not be more different then my parents’ home in Utopia. It feels like another world so far away from my family and friends. It’s my other life, my sisters in South Africa and that is far away distance wise, I am not that far away physically but I may as well be.  The worlds don’t mesh to well together; I can’t be fully in my old life and fully in my ministry. It’s not a part time thing and it’s not a 9-5 job. I don’t have the weekends “off” to enjoy the freedom of weekends. Relationships and ministry is a full time occupation. If I am not there and if I am not attached then I may as well just not be there. I often hear comments from people at my church or my neighbor like “it’s been so long” or “where have you been”, or “you don’t come to church to often anymore”.  I hear these things and often grow burdened and discouraged, I can’t be everywhere. I wish I could I really do but I can’t. I can’t be fully involved in building relationships and loving a community if I am never there, or if I leave every chance I get. That isn’t how you love or care for someone.

I need to be attached, I need to be involved, and I need to invest. That doesn’t mean that I will forget everything else and will completely disappear off the face of the earth. It just means that I can’t be around as much as I’d like and that is okay. Because I am doing what I love and what I am supposed to be doing.  But I need people behind me in this, I know what I am doing is kind of weird and isn’t the “normal” thing to do, but I desperately want my friends and family to understand what I am doing and why I am doing it because I need their support. I need to be encouraged through words and hugs and affirmation, I need to be built up and prayed for. I need to be support by my family, friends and church community even if I am absent as a missionary in a third world country, what if I was!

Mom's retreat

Urban Promise Toronto has been around for fifteen years and for twelve of those years they have had a mom's program call Uphold which was designed to be a program that both brought the moms from the community together to support one another as well as to help these moms to know God and to discover that they are more then just moms. 

This past weekend I was able to join 18 of these mom's some of which have attended for the entire twelve years up to Muskoka Woods for three days. The theme of the weekend was Identity with three subtopics, How we view ourselves, how we view God and how God views us.

This provided space for the woman to be honest with themselves with each other and with God which also resulted in encouragement and love being given.

The weekend also included many laughs as these mom's all turned in to big kids without all their responsibilities, they even played pranks and painted each others nails until three in the morning!

The weather held out for us all weekend and we were able to experience a huge rope swing that pulled us by rope up about 50 feet and then released one rope letting us swing high in the air. 

We also all learned how to knit scarfs and had a lot of time to chill together and relax and of course game time. Every year they play a game call Do you love your neighbor. This game brings out the worst of everyone as it is competitive and normally ends in a few broken chairs because of how competitive they get!

It was such a blessing to spend time and get to know all these woman. My prayer is that what they heard and experienced this weekend may not leave their minds or hearts and that the truth spoken of Christ might actually take root in their lives in a personal individual way.

May the relationships formed this weekend continue and be a blessing to everyone.

Isaiah

I have been reading through the book of Isaiah the last couple of weeks. 

I have been told my whole life that Jesus loves me, we all know the song "Jesus loves me this I know for the bible tells us so." But do we actually know, have we read in  the bible were He specifically tells us so?

I used to avoid the book of Isaiah, it was to long to really get in to. 

But as I have been reading through it I have be struck with just how much I am like Israel, God's chosen people continually turn their backs on God and reject Him. Yet God continually comes through for them and speaks blessed promises and words of grace and mercy calling them His own.

As I started to read it in this light I have been astonished by the great love with which He loves me. 

I am His chosen and these promises and words of love are also spoken to me.

Let me share some of the key verse that I've read the last few days that God brought to my attention and continues to bring to my mind through out the day as I walk with Him.

Fear not, for I am with you. be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;I have called you by name, you are mind." Isaiah 43:1b

"Because you are precious in my eyes and honored, and I love you." Isaiah 43:4

"I will say to the north, give up, and to the south, do not withhold; bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth. Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made." Isaiah 43:6-7

"Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19

"Thus says the Lord who made you, who formed you from he womb and will help you." Isaiah 44:2a

"I have blotted out your transgressions like  cloud and your sins like mist; return to me, for I have redeemed you." Isaiah 44:22

"I called you by name, I name you, though you do not know me. I am the Lord, and there is no other besides me there is not God; I equip you though you do not know me, that people may know from the rising of the sun and from the west that there is none besides me; I am the Lord, and there is no other I form light and  create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord who does all these things." Isaiah 45:4a-7

"Because of the Lord, who is faithful, the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you." Isaiah 49:7b

Community of Christ

1 Thessalonians 5:12-25 does a very good job of laying it out for us when it says, "We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work, be at peace among yourselves and we urge you brothers admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient  with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. rejoice always. Pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything, hold fast to what is good. abstain from every form of evil. Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls is faithful, he will surely do it. Brothers, pray for us."

There is so much in this passage, so many direct clearly stated does and don'ts. Do this, do not do this, there isn't much room left for us to get confused but some how we still manage to misunderstand so much of what is written for us.

This passage begins with a request asking us to respect each other, to respect those who work with you for the same purpose and for those who are over your in leadership. Whether they are over your or not their is a call for respect, but we are not only called to respect one anther but it goes further and calls us to esteem each other very highly in love. The word respect is used to commonly today, every one in this world wants respect and many demand it through aggression and force because they want it so badly. We are taught that it is a good thing to have respect but that it doesn't matter how you get it just as long as you have it. If that means lowering your standards or smashing someone else we'll do it. But being of Christ doesn't ask for this type of respect, it is asking for a respect given not based on who the person is or what they can do but based on what Christ as done for them, and yet it doesn't stop there either. As Christians we are called to an even higher level, we are told to esteem others very highly in love. It can be easy to give mutual respect to others, but that is not what Christs asks of us. He asks us to give respect even if its not returned and to esteem others. It goes much further and deeper then what we would do or even want to do. Think quickly of your own Christian Community, I'm am sure it will not take you long to think of just one person that you don't want to respect and definitely don't want to esteem very highly but yet this is the very first thing Paul says for us to do in his final instructions to the Thessalonians. I think its the first thing he tells us for us reasons, because without this kind of respect for each other the following instructions are impossible.

The texts moves from respect to explain the kind of relationship we should have with one another. From verse 14 through 16 we are told to do some very great things on before and for one another all of which are not possible if first you do not have a relationship with the other person so that you know them and their situations in life. It says first to admonish, to call one another out in love but this is not something you do unless you know person well enough to know their faults and what and where they need to be called out on. This is followed with the urge to encourage the fainthearted. Admonishing cannot be done without encouragement and here Paul calls us to be in such a relationship with one another that these things are what resemble our lives as a community of Christ. We are to help each other, to be patient with and for each other. We are to repay no one evil but should always be seeking to do good to everyone. This is no light thing, how often do we grow jealous of others wishing what happened to them didn't or that we had gotten the promotion instead. Envy, jealousy have no choice but to be destroyed by this command. We are to desire the very best for another, to rejoice always in every circumstance and to help each other find reasons to rejoice. Our relationships should be governed by such respect, esteem and care for each other that everything, admonishing, encouraging, helping, being patient and good to one another is an out flowing of our love for our King.

Pray without ceasing. We are to pray for one another, we are to be without ceasing, to continually be holding each other in pray. We are to be interceding on behalf of one another, praying against the power of the devil in our lives and praying that God would continue to over take our lives. We are to know each other well enough to know how to pray for each other, to be in close contact and communication able to ask each other to pray for us when times do get difficult. This passed weekend I was so blessed to be able to pray for particularly three of my brothers and sisters in Christ who's lives hit a rough patch. They were able because of our relationship to come and ask for prayer and later when I was not with them I was burdened for them and continued to hold them in prayer only to be blessed further by them being burdened and praying for me in times when they didn't even know what was going on in my mind and life. I was able to experience this type of community were it didn't matter where we were or who was around it only matter that we took everything going on to our heavenly Father. We are to be fighting for each other through prayer in the times of  trouble and temptation and we are to be giving thanks for and with each other in the times that are good.

From prayer the text moves to do not quench the Spirit. Paul reminds us to pray for each other and then reminds us that we are not to quench the Spirit because these two co-reside together. If we quench the Spirit we will not pray, we will not be moved to pray. We are to listen to the Spirit we are also not to despise prophecies but instead we are to test everything. It is easy to kick the Spirit out of our lives, to ignore His promptings or to reason away His moving in our lives by things in this world. But if we do that we will be unable to do what we are called to and will miss out on so much blessing. I've quenched the Spirit, I've reasoned away His voice and I have experienced being unable to do the things I am called to as a Christian because of this. We are called to listen, but are also called to test everything. It is also easy on the other side of things to almost blame everything on the Spirit or to forget that we have an army of the devil trying to break us down and so we are called to test, to hold everything before God and to abstain from evil. Quenching the Spirit puts a huge halt on our lives as Christians and so does partaking in evil. Nothing hinders us more, tears us down more, deceives us more then the devil grabbing hold of a tiny insignificant part of your life and making it his. Except we are called to have our whole lives surrendered to God, every single part of our lives and so then there is no insignificant part that we have secretly have under the control of the devil and still expect our lives to be filled in every part with God. We deceive ourselves with this lie and with every piece the devil grabs a hold of we are taken further and further from where we are suppose to be. Don't quench the Spirit let it convict, let it move in your life, don't be help captive by sin, abstain from every form of evil.

It is laid out plainly for us what we are called to do and what we are to keep away from. The good news is though that we are not left just with a long list of does and don'ts, Paul finished this amazing passage with "Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it! Brothers pray for us. Greet all the brothers with a holy kiss. I put you under oath before the Lord to have this letter read to all the brothers. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you" We are not left alone to do this we have the hope of our Savior who give us His peace who sanctifies us that we may be blameless in our whole being at the coming of our Lord! And then it says, He who calls you is faithful and will surely do it. Our God is faithful and He will complete this work in us. It is only through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ that we are able to try to live our lives in a way that is in community with Christ with our brothers and sisters. But I urge you as Paul urged the Thessalonians to do these things, to respect and esteem others to grow in relationship as you walk this short life together and to pray without ceasing for and with each other until the return of our Lord "And I am sure of this that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ!" Phil 1:6