Learning

It’s in that moment that complete and utter frustration hits.  When you know you have the right to feel wounded and hurt but you don’t. You shove it off as if it was a brush on the shoulder and you continue on to prove that you can make it through. But everything after things big or small just keep adding to that frustration and you catch yourself holding your breath and saying nothing even when a million things are running through your head.

It is the last day of regular camp for the year 2012 and things felt like they could have not gone any worse. All the buildup for this last day, the special plans, extra attention given and special gifts and cards to show affection were bought and ready to be given. Things turned bad so fast, attitudes, disrespect and anger. Trying to make the most out of every moment only to be met with silence, rude comments and zero participation. Gifts were given and received with a mumble of a thank you without any real gratitude or appreciation. One particular girl, handed the gift right back to me with the words, I don’t want it.

There are no words for things like this. You can’t explain or describe it in a way that others would understand. But something one of my supervisors said does help me to understand and be okay when something like this happens. He said, “Working with these kids sure does teach you a lot of Christ.” He could not be more right. Think about it, God fights for you every day, he battles to spend time with you, he seeks to show you in every situation that he wants to be close to you. He cares for you, provides for you and seeks to show you his love through it all. He gave you a gift, special gift and he desires for you to take pleasure in it and to appreciate it, to accept it. How many times do you shove the gift God gave you back into his face?

I am so guilty of this, when I make the decision to mull around in my sin instead of living is he wills. When I do not appreciate what Christ did for me, or when I do not speak of it to others. I am so guilty of be ungrateful for what I do not receive but what has been given to me anyways. One of the biggest things God has been showing me through these kids is love, a kind of love that gives when it isn't deserved. This has helped me while working with the kids but on a bigger and deeper level it has shown me more clearly the wonder of the gift that Christ has extended to me. 

Friday, 14, 2012

December fourteenth two thousand and twelve, the day a very broken person walked into a kindergarten room and shot killing twenty seven, eighteen of which were children from the website I read.

Questions flood my mind, why do these things happen, how can someone walk into a kindergarten room and do such things? What kind of motive or intentions were behind this event?

I first head of this shooting around 1 p.m. this afternoon but it wasn't until my kids started walking through the basement doors that my heart started to bleed. Thoughts of that happening in this neighborhood or even having the news delivered that a certain number of my kids had been shot was something I could not handle. My heart bleeds for the many people, whether they are teachers, students, family or friends or everyone in Newtown.

The hurt and devastation that something like this causes is tremendous.  Tragic events such as this has the power to bring a town or community together faster than anything ever can. To provide support for one and another as everyone is affected. This reminds me of a message I once heard on Ecclesiastes 7:2 It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart.

Why would a house of mourning ever be better than a house of rejoicing? Can you ever think of a time you would rather be sad and grieving over being happy and rejoicing. It doesn’t seem to make any sense. Yet in Ecclesiastes the writer is talking about the vanities of live. The fleetingness and how nothing lasts in this life. The writer calls us to something more than what is in the world. To seek something that is of lasting value which of course is a lasting relationship with our Lord and Savior which is the only thing that will give us a lasting reason and purpose in this life.  The writer says that a house of mourning is better than a house of rejoicing, for the reasons that in a place of mourning there is a brokenness were we see our need for a Savior, opposed to a house of rejoicing were we are distracted by our own pleasure and happiness created in something we do on our own, without the need of a Savior to be a part of our lives.

This being said let me bring your attention back to the shooting that occurred in Connecticut this morning.  It is devastating and wrong; something like this should never have or ever should happen. Yet we live in a sinful broken world were wrong things happen. Yet when I see a community come together to cry and support and go through this tragic event together it shows me a glimpse of hope and of understanding this passage. There is so much room for prayer and support from others in times such as these for the people in Newtown and all over the USA. Pray for these people and families especially who have been effected in huge ways. Pray that God would make Himself known and that He would be real in the hearts and lives of His people. That He would comfort and love the hurt and the broken and that through this time of mourning many would come to know and experience His saving power.

Lines

The other day I started rehearsing a Christmas skit with 10 kids. I had asked a six year old boy to be Joseph in the skit, he was eager and excited. Being the youngest in the skit he only had one line. "Nothing is impossible with out God, He does things in strange and amazing ways."
First day of practice we sat in a circle and read through the lines in order. His part didn't  come until close to the end and he sat very patiently beside me waiting for his part with his eyes glued to his line.
As we were getting closer he pulled on my sleeve and whispered, can you tell me what it says, I can't read.
I had not realized this and whispered his line into his ear as the other continued. When it was his turn he said in a loud clear voice exactly what I had said to him with only a few mistakes.
A few of the other kids started giggling but I am proud to hear the oldest in the group, a twelve year old boy tell the others to be quiet at least this little boy had tried really hard.
The laughter did not stop his determination and the next time we ran through the lines he kept asking me to read him his line.
I was  rather busy directing the shepherds so we co-leader sat down with him and they repeated them to each other. It was one of those precious moments when you see something and your heard melts.
As it was coming closer to his part He again said in a loud clear voice his entire line perfectly just missing the last word.
I was so proud of Him!
This was the end of the rehearsal yet he came up to me quietly and asked me if you could help him read his line again tomorrow. I am so excited to go to camp today and help this determined little boy memorize his line. More then that I hope this little boy  not only learns his line but that He would learn something deeper and more lasting. The words of our Lord and Savior who says "I am the way the truth and the light of the world, whoever follows me shall never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

Purpose

I'm sitting here after a 12 hour day of craziness! Something that I have realized more and more is that I need purpose, purpose in my life and purpose in every single day. The worst days I have had are always days were I am wondering about aimless without goals, determination or motivation.
Knowing and figuring this out has been a real growing thing. It challenges me to make myself grow through books, experiences and just stepping into tough or unknown situations.

Purpose can be anything weather its cutting up paper to make snow flakes with a little boy or chasing  kid around with a ball. It can be getting excited over little accomplishments, picking up a kid after school or even help a child with math. It is a purpose and holds a bigger meaning because of what we are doing.
Today I had many little purposeful minutes at camp, times of redirection or challenging them to be make better choices.
This morning was also my morning to go to school, it was my best day at school. I felt like all the kids are excited to see me which helps but they are also eager to have me help them or to just have an input on their projects.

This afternoon I was also co-leading a Christmas skit with one of my peers. We had ten kids ages 6-12 and they did incredible for the first day of seeing their lines. It was a very good day of basketball, skit, redirecting, leading, challenging and growing. It was a day full of purpose!

It's not me it's You!

Every day my mind is full of thoughts of camp, weather I am at camp hanging out with the kids and running programs or whether I am at home thinking or ideas or making plans.

My intentions, attitudes and motives are not always what they should be.

Some days I am just so discouraged by things that I don't do things the way I should.  

I start thinking and acting like depend on me, my pride gets in the way and I act like I am in control.

Things like this can completely ruin my day or even my week.

When I do not take the time to include God in my plans or in my day!

There is this song by Switch foot that say "there's always something getting in the way, there's always something getting through, it's not me it's you."

God always gets in the way, in a very good way! And He always gets through, it's always Him and never me!

This week was  difficult one, some of the girls had a really tough week. They were rude and quick disrespectful at times. You could tell they were feeling comfortable at camp.

It didn't bother me to much as this has happened before but it particularly bothered my fellow leader as she felt like they were treating her well while the treated me not see well.

She ended up sitting down with these girls and talking to them about their behavior which brought about a good change!

I did not realize though until the end of the week just how hard this week had been, I was restless and unsettled for the most of it which was frustrating.

I had a few reminders on Saturday that encouraged me and helped me to get back onto the right page for this week.

First, I am to rest in God, Zeph 3:17

Second, it's not about me and it's all Him, I can do nothing without Him,

and Third, I need to take my focus off the work and place it on the God of the work instead.

A Saturday adventure

Ministry at Urban Promise is all about building relationships, to build trust and friendships to be able to build into and be a part of the kids lives.

I personally find planning a program and running it can at times be much easier then really getting to know some one and being a part of there life.

At other times it feels really easy, normal and almost like I am not doing anything.

Some days it feels like I just hang out with some kids, shoot some hoops, cook some food and have  of fun, then I call it ministry and its all good.

Today started as one of these days. The plan was to go to some of my boys basketball tournament. Pretty sick way to spend a Saturday and be able to label it as ministry eh! I thought so.

As it turned out it was quick the distance from home so Jess and I set off taking buses all the way to Thorn hill  you may think it is not that far and I didn't think so either but when you are relying on the TTC and then even worse the York region bus it takes a very long time!

On top of that we got confused as to were we were going, we asked around but no one was helpful and everyone was rude and that is how we found out selves standing in a bus shelter for 45 mins in the freezing cold missing our boys game.

I was mad! I knew how much the boys wanted us to come and I really wanted to be there. I had all good intentions to step into their lives and be a part of something that was important to them, so why the heck was I stuck in a bus shelter. After 45 min of sitting there and excepting the fact that we pretty much screwed up and we may as well go home we tried to think of why our day went so crappy  The best conclusion we could come up with at the time was that maybe it was to be able to better understand how the homeless feel.

A bus finally showed up we boarded and were ready to just go home. We continued chatting about the horrible day and the driver as well as a passenger over heard us and helped us figure out where to go. They told us were to get off and which bus to catch. At this point we just wanted to go home but they were so helpful we got off and waited only to realize that we were going in circles. Giving up again we decided not even to try to make it to the end of the game anymore and go home. Just as we turned on our heels from the bus stop the bus pulled up empty with an amazing bus driver who pretty well drove us straight to the school. He seemed like our angel and we ran up the block to the school and caught the last 2 minutes of the boys game.

One of the boys saw us and came over with a huge smile and said Thanks for coming guys! Suddenly all the frustrations of the morning and the freezing temperatures didn't matter, that smile that appeared on his face was worth it all. As it turned out they had another game in 1 1/2 hrs so we hung around, talk a bunch and was able to watch their second game. A number of kids in my class at school also played on this team and were excited to see Miss Janelle watching them.

My boys may have lost the game since they had the fewest players, the smallest players, the worst jerseys and not the greatest coach compared to the other teams. There were a lot of difference between the teams and my boys defiantly played for the team that didn't have any money for sports such as this but it was cool to b a part of it and it meant the world to them that they had some one cheering them on!

Ministry can be tiring, it can be hard, it can be a lot of struggles all piled up but some times ministry is about showing the kids that you rather come be with them then be else where and some times its as easy as showing up and watching them throw a ball around.



Apple Crisp

Time to share a quick little story.

So on Tuesday it was my turn to find snack for the kids during the after school program. 

We had a bunch of apples that were starting to go soft and brown so of course I thought apple crisp!

I whipped together a couple trays, got them cooking and crossed 

my figures hoping the kids would like it.

I added a small scoop of ice cream to each dish to make it look for appealing before I handed

 them out.There were quick a few complaints as is normal for our kids, 

who can be quite ungrateful at times but with some very clear warnings from 

their leaders they all managed to thank me for it.

There were also a handful of kids begging for the recipe which felt really great.

The next day I over heard one of the ten year old boys bragging to another kid who had missed

 camp the previous day about the amazing snack that he missed out. 

When they noticed me they begged to have apple crisp which put a huge smile on my face.

Then today again as I scanned the kitchen to see what we had 

I found another box of slightly brown soft apples.

I started chopping again and the kids were thrilled to hear that we again would enjoy warm apple 

crisp with a little scoop of ice cream.

Its been a huge hit with the kids, although a few of them will still scoop the apples out into the 

garbage can when no one is watching but I take great pleasure in making something that the 

majority of my kids are so excited to receive!

Who knew it could be so easy :)

Happenings

It has been awhile since I have posted an update, but I am sitting here trying to think 

of what to write and nothing is coming to mind.

I am tired but that is turning into a regular and normal thing. 

Camp today went very well, I splurged and made apple crisp for the kids for snack today since we had a box of apples there were all getting soft spot.

The kids were not all overly thrilled as some of them tend to be super 

picky but it went over good enough.

The weather is starting to get chilly but we have yet to have snow stay on the ground.

I am growing more jealous of Barrie by the day as they already have a few inches of snow it just doesn't seem like the last week of November yet without any sign of snow.

Something to pray about would be that a young man would receive his SIN card and get his papers figured out so that we can officially hire him as a street leader.

We are in great need of another male leader since we are out numbered 4 female to 1 male leader. 

This particular young man hung out today and did an amazing job with the boys.

It was a huge help to have an extra guy around to bring competition and excitement. 

So please pray that everything gets figured out so that he can start very soon!

My mind is fading and so this is were this post is going to end!

Enjoy the rest of Nov 2012, its going fast!

Here's my heart!

Prone to wonder Lord I feel it

prone to leave the God I love, 

Here's my heart oh take and seal it,

seal it for thy courts above.

How many times do we feel like we are wondering from the God we love?

Normally it is more of an after thought where we can look back and see how we did wonder from the God we love. It is a quiet Sunday evening and I don't have much to say about the previous statement, was just something i was thinking about, but I do want to share a few other things with you.

This week has been one full week, a lot of amazing times at camp and a lot of difficult time as well.

To many late nights and and very little time left me completely exhausted on Saturday.

Yes, it was Saturday but no i did not get to sleep in.
Met 4 young boys at 9:15 for a Saturday trip to Ikea. I was exhausted, they had a lot of energy.

It was fun but I was relieved when it was time to go home.

Next i had to travel across town to finish planning and running a kids program at a  out reach evening at a Chinese church.

I sat trying to focused as i planned, it honestly felt like it was 2 in the morning and I had no idea how I was going to make it through the evening. 

Thankfully God intervened through a few amazing individuals at this church. They asked a ton of questions about me, my life and what Urban Promise did. They were overwhelming thankful for my help even though I felt like I was doing nothing. 

I was able to join them for a authentic Chinese meal and then headed down stairs with the kids. 

Compared to the general vibe of our kids at my camp these kids were so easy. 

When I told them to sit they sat, when I said sing they sang.

I led the bible story and then assisted through activities and snack time.

It was such a blessed evening to be able to help out and be appreciated so much even though it felt like I was doing very little. 

At the end of the evening they thanked me a million times for my help and offered to drive me all the way which is a huge deal since it's all the way across town but which was a huge blessing to me.

I got home and was blown away by how much I was blessed by being able to help out at this program.

I went into it exhausted and worn out and come out of it blessed and energized in God.

I am blown away by how God works at times. As I sat and listened to my favorite song {Come thou Fount} this afternoon I am reminded as to how weak and pathetic we are, how we wonder and stray from this Father who so graciously love and cares for us and yet how faithful He remains as he continues to cares and do the very best for us even if we wonder away from His love, He always calls us back to Himself!

Father take my heart and seal it for they courts above!

Making Gak.

As I tried to get more creative and make camp more fun this week I found a sick 

recipe to make Gak aka silly puddy.

It is  super simple recipe using only glue, borax, food coloring {or kool aid} and water.

I first started this activity with a few of my girls from the youth program but they chickened out as soon as I told them to get their hands dirt, this didn't matter as the youngest kids and camp where more 

then eager to take part.

These two were having a blast making a mess and playing with goop.

Best expression ever!

This activity was a ton of fun and I would defiantly suggest the idea to do with any age.

So that was a tiny peak into my day at camp.

Little Friends

This week has been the best week so far with my time with Urban Promise. Today I realized how many little treasured friends I have at camp and just how precious they are to me.

This was shown to me through many little ways. When I was at school this morning helping outside during recess and was attacked from behind with hugs from over a dozen little friends calling out my name Jello.

When a 7 year old boy asked me if I would come and pick him up after school and walk him over to camp, and when I arrived at school to meet him and other kids latched onto my hands and beg me to walk with as well.

Sitting with a little girl who had been hurt by her sister’s unkind words as I sat and making gimp with one of the quieter girls or when I colored a picture with our little 5 year old man.

Moments when I am cooking in the kitchen with 6 over opinionated pre-teenager girls or afterwards when I am trying to get them to help with the cleanup.

When I sit with a young boy who tells me what it feels like to be bullied, or when I can getting competitive during a game of ball with the boys.

When kids are excited to show us their report cards even if they are not doing the greatest, or when I see a child’s face light up just because they see me.

Moments like these remind me just how blessed I am to be able to be a part of so many great young lives and what an opportunity I have to be able to speak into these lives. They remind me that what I have is a million little blessed all piled up on each other.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  James 1:17

Monday night reflections

It is Monday evening and I am winding down for the day. As I look back and reflect on the past week certain moments stand out to me. Such as the amazing Mama Pipes opening her home to us all, the 

2 hr hike we were able to take on a gorgeous Friday afternoon, attending a newly started youth group and the random trips to the art store. This past week was a lot of fun and was refreshing to take a break from the normal routine BUT……I have missed camp more than I ever thought I would.

I really missed the kids and every aspect of camp and I really missed the feeling of being useful and doing something worthwhile! As much as I enjoyed this past week I am so very glad that it is finally over, that I can move on to this week and get back to camp! I am excited to see my kids again tomorrow and have spent the majority of today thinking of new activities to do with them or planning bible studies. This week really helped me to be able to take the time to think about how I can do, what I do, even better then how I have been doing it in the past. Sometimes we get too stuck in a pattern of business that we don’t see how we can improve things. Just taking a break can show us the areas that we can improve in and for that I am very thankful!

Be still my soul

Be still my soul seems to be a big theme for me this week, to be able to be quiet and slow down enough to really focus on God outside of all the business.

This week due to the staff of Urban Promise going to Camden, New Jersey this week to get together with all the Urban Promise’s around the world we have no camp. Because of this we have to take a break and Urban Promises strongly believes in retreating and spending time with God to be enabled to serve better.

As many of you know this I not my style as I like to stay busy at all times but I am thankful for the way that God is working through Urban Promise to make me slow down and spend time with Him.

I was also able to be blessed this weekend to get together with a friend and have some down time which after the fact I realized I needed.  As well as just spending time chilling with a few of the guys yesterday it seems like a repeating theme of God telling me to slow down and spend time talking of Him and about Him and growing in Him.

So please pray for a good a couple days of relaxing and spending time in fellowship and with God and for the amazing Pipe family for opening their home to all of us!

And just before I leave I want to say a very huge thank you to the blessed church of Ivy. You are one amazing congregation as you allow God to use you to bless me and everyone else at Urban Promise. I cannot express how much I have been blessed by your faithfulness. Looking forward to soon being able to be with you and share in person of the greatness of our God!

God`s grace in my life

First off I really struggled coming up with a title for this post. It`s a little bit of everything and i figured that God`s grace is involved in all of that so thus the name.

Secondly I want to apologize for the horrible spelling that has been very present in my blog posts lately. My only explanation for this is due to the fact that I am normally trying to write after 10:30 p.m. and I am usually pretty wiped at that point of the day.

Also my keys on my laptop are starting to stick so every time I hit the “S” key I actually need to check to make sure it shows up. But moving on, this week has been a very busy week.

I am not sure why it has felt busier than most I guess mostly due to random things that have made it more complicated or exciting. Hurricane Sandy came through causing a lot of wind, rain and nasty weather. Camp was able to continue as it normally does which was a blessing. As the weeks progress relationships continue to be formed and we as a team are learning daily of how to improve camp and activities.

Camp can get pretty crazy some times to the point where it feels out of control. Some days we get more kids then we predicted and they have more energy than we imaged and it can be difficult to keep them all busy.
This week we have really tried to work towards making camp more structured in the sense that certain activities start at certain times so that those crazy moments of confusion are kept limited.

Reflecting back on this week there is nothing that really stands out in my mind to do with the kids. It was one of those weeks that you just push through the hardness of their hearts, pass the distrust and wait for the break through to happen.

It’s in these times that what I do can become tedious or pointless and pushing forward remembering why I am here and doing what I am doing I for a bigger purpose then what I can see.

Just upon thinking a moment does pop to mind that I had with a very young child. He is only 5 years old and on Thursday afternoon I was in charge of walking him along with a few others back to their homes. He did not want to leave camp and wanted very badly to have something to eat. I was able to convince him to walk home with me and when he got there I would give him a yogurt tube that was in my coat pocket. He clasped my hand and we headed out, he was pretty silent the whole way home except for when I asked him a question.
This little boy had come out going door to door collecting candy with his leaders the night before and was exhausted after a long day. He stumbled as we held my hand and made the way home. When we got about 10 feet away from his door he started whimpering, I encouraged him and gave him his reward. This little guy is adorable but he also has a really tough life. He lives with his grandmother and brother and sometimes his mom but does not receive the love and care a little boy of this age should have. He does not get the help he needs in school and without Urban Promise would be very lost and along.

Sometimes it hard and it hurts that we cannot do more for kids who are stuck in such sad situations, but realizing the things we can do to better their future is what we strive for. Please keep this little boy in your prayers!

Side note of thanks giving, God provided in a huge way for me this week as I was finally able to sell my car!!

Little moments

I just feel like writing right now and I'm not sure why or what about but we shall see where this goes.

Its a Saturday afternoon and the first time in a least a month where I am relaxed and

 its quiet in my little apartment.

When you live with 5 other girls it can be quiet the challenge to find these moment.

I don't even know where to being in sharing what is happening in my life.

Life is very busy in a very good way. 

I love working with my kid even admit the challenging and rough days.

On Fridays camp works a little different the young kid have camp from 4 till 6 and then the older kids come from 6 till 8:30.

So on my day normal consist of a lot of fun times while cooking dinner for the kids and then cleaning the dishes with a few of the older kids while having epic towel wars which normally end with lots of welts.

Then we cook again and enjoy dinner with the older kids before worship  bible study and super 

hilarious entertaining group games.

Last night was super cool for me as one of my boys from the summer came back for the first time.

We did dishes together and where able to just have a lot of fun while working.

The game time consisted of "Win it in a minute" crazy games using household items while raising the clock.

There is always a lot of challenges when working in this kind of environment and

 living in such tight quarters makes it difficult as well but it also makes a lot of 

opportunity for growth which has been incredibly amazing to see and watch how God is changing and challenging me as well as the others around me.

I love being a part of these kid's lives even if it is a very small part of their life.

I love seeing what God is doing in and through Urban Promise and other ministries around the area.

Those are my thoughts for now as I reflect on the week.

There has been really tough moments this week but the little amazing moments out shine the difficult ones and that I am thankful for!

Battling against and pushing through

Persistently pushing against a large force that is bigger then us is what it feels like we are doing at times.

So many thing battling against these kids, their families and against the work we are trying to do in this community.

This week I had the chance to go into the local school to volunteer for a couple hours.

The school system is horrible, and this is not to say all school system are but this particular school has a very difficult situation as many of the teachers see is as a place that they need to put in their time before they can move to a better school with better kid. 

They don't care about how well the kid do or weather they understand the lesson or not. The kids at this school are so far behind, kids in grade 6 hardly know multiplication and students in grade 2 can barely read.

On Wednesday I was placed in a grade 2 class room with 20 little kids and one flustered teacher.

She yelled at the kids, told them it was their fault they where not learning, told little boys they will be womanizer and continually confused them.

If this isn't enough the have parents who don't understand or assist in their education. They are often time treated as a burden and told that they are stupid or not worth it when they cause trouble.

Some have parents who are not even aware enough to be able to put an "X" beside their child' name to sign them out when we bring them home.

On top of this they have peer pressure, gang influence, and many of the kids do not believe that they will ever be anything good because they have only ever been told something different. 

I see this when kids act out at camp, when fight break out, or when a child has to apologize to the pastor of the church we work out of for carving into a door very offence words. 

Last night while I was listening to Just like You by Lecrae I could see the faces of so many of my boys as I sang along to the line I grew up empty since my daddy wasn't with me, shoot I wasn't picky, I'd take any male figure You. 

This reminded me of so many of our boys but of one of them especially. He was a part of camp this summer but has not yet come during the school year.

Yesterday while I was walking down the hallway at school on my way out some one came up behind me and hugged me. I turned around to see this young man who was quietly thrilled to see me. All I could see was a broken hurt boy who desperately need love and a Godly man to lead him.

 My heart hurts now even as I think of him.

There are so many things battling against us and holding these kids in captivity but God is moving.

I see this in little ways when a group of 13 yr old girls sit down in silence to write letters of encouragement to others, when a little boy falls and the rest of the group stops to help him up.

When a new child shows up at camp with a form, when a child battle between making a good or bad decision and the good wins. 

There many be a great many forces battling against us but we have a great big God who greater then all of these things and He will not let a single one of His children fall.

Story Time

I love math, grade school math! It so much fun going through the multiplication 

tables and doing it backwards makes it division.

So I want to share an experience that I had this week.

On Thursday I was at camp and it was homework time when I noticed one 

of my boys sitting at one of the desk. 

This particular child is very behind in his academics and was sitting looking at 

his math homework rather hopelessly. 

Approaching him I asked how it was going and I was returned with blank 

frustrated stare, so I took a seat beside him.

I tried to convince him how exciting math really is but again he 

responded with a blank stare.

Nick is a quiet guy normally but when he is upset or frustrated he very easily closes down.

My supervisor who was observing handed me a bag of skittles to reward him with for 

every correct answer but even this did not get him out of his silence or blank stares. 

Getting creative I pulled out 12 skittles and explained the question to him once

 again, 12 divided by 3 equals what?

I handed over  12 skittles to him and asked him to make 3 groups so that both of us as well 

as the one other kid in the room could all have a fair amount. 

I was in my glory at this point, its fun doing math but its even more fun to do it with candy!

It took awhile for him to catch on to the whole idea of using candy but by the 

time we finished his math page 20 minutes later we were both laughing and actually 

enjoying the math home work after all!

I was so encouraged to be able to help this little guy enjoy his math and to be able 

to figure out the correct answers.

Please pray for Nick as he is 12 years old and has no understanding of math and literally needs to divide candies into piles to be able to tell me that 12 divided by 3 is 4. 

A lot of the kids I work with are far under the level of education that they should 

be at and I just love being able to be a part in helping them over come 

these struggles that set them so far back in life.

I have been blessed in many ways this week just being a part of life in 

my apartment and at camp as God continues to use me in way I am very

ill equipped to be used in, but remembering that in my weakness He is strong and 

this has been so very evident.

Growth

Growth is what I have been experiencing in a few different ways. The second half of last week was full of challenges and times of not having what I needed in myself but instead needing to look to God to provide me with what I needed.

Challenges at camp with the girls; challenges within 

myself while dealing with my roommates, challenges with different personalities 

and lack of sleep as well as being very busy. 

By Friday I was quite worn out, frustrated, tired and also convicted of things in my own life and actions that where not so good. 

At this point I was very thankful for my supervisor as well as 

another supervisor who could step in and be wisdom for me and edify me through 

talking about it. I am blessed by the people around me at UP who are supportive but 

also help me to grow.

This weekend wasn't any less busy as I had 2 weddings to attend on Saturday and I

needed to get a good night’s sleep before the big run on Sunday.

Turns out I hardly slept at all as I decided the moment I went to bed that I was 

starving and made noodles at 11:30 and then waking up every couple hours

 freaking out that I missed the alarm clock.

 My biggest fear about the run this past Sunday was that I would miss the start of it :S 

Turns out thanks to Micha for driving us girls there we all made it in time 

and did extremely well. 

The run was long and tough, the weather wasn't the greatest but wasn't too 

bad either. I really enjoyed the first half of the run even though my stomach 

still told me it was hungry :P The second half was a lot rougher and there 

were moments when the only thing that kept me going where the people around me and the prayer going up to God to run with me.

 I did make it through the whole race and only stopped to walk at 3 water stations.

 My time for the run was 2:07:07!! 

I was super impressed by myself as my goal had been 2:30:00. 

It was a great feeling accomplishing something so kewl but the very best 

part of the whole thing was cheering out the rest of my team. 

Three members did the brutal full marathon and finished very well. 

The emotion and excitement of seeing each and every one cross that finish line out of love to UP and everyone who benefits from it was a feeling I can’t explain! 

It was a Sunday morning and yes we missed attending church, but we were able to

 be the church as the family of UP running the streets of Toronto, praying for our team, praying for the kids and praying that God would move in this city! 

A huge thank you to each and every one that I know and don’t know who either supported through prayers, donations or words. It was a great experience and a tremendous blessing to me and many more!

A friend of challenges

As one of my fellow interns said last week "I'm a friend of challenges".

This is how I felt today while meeting the vice principle of the local school as she explained the major issues that these kids are dealing with.

It is exciting to talk about how our camp can side with the local school to try and solve these issues as well as assist in the homework and education.

I had a serge of energy and excitement as I thought of how I get to be a part in all of this. It is big and its intimidating but it is exciting!

Being a part of something bigger then yourself is the best feeling I have ever experienced.

It is something that a lot of people and even a lot of christian never get to experience due to fear of stepping out of their comfort zone. It sounds scary and its not very safe right? While in reality when you're leaning and depending on Jesus it is the most freeing experience you can ever have.

 This was my lunch conversation with my supervisor which was a very encouraging and blessed conversation. I am very thankful for my supervisor for the Godly man he is!

Blessings also extended into the afternoon of camp. 

Even now thinking back to the events I can't help but smile. I was pleasantly surprised to see one of my boys from the summer who is now to old for program but came by anyways. I had been waiting to see him ever since i got back so it totally made my day to see him again. He is also applying to become a street leader which is very exciting!

Camp also consisted of doing wordup with my girls which was a nice chill time to get to know each other using skittles and diving into the word of God. I am starting a series on the fruits of the spirit with them which I am very excited to see how God is going to use that over the next few months.

To top it off i got to cook with my boys!

We spent a good hour in the kitchen cutting veggies and making curry chicken over rice as well as doing the pile of dishes and sweeping afterwords willingly and with smiles on their faces.

I love my boys and spending this time with them was incredible.

I had a really great day with the all and I am just so thankful that i can be here and be a part of something that is way bigger then me or my team but that is completely in the hands of God our Father!!!

My list of blessings!!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers!

I have had such an amazing opportunity this weekend to have a very relaxing and

refreshing weekend at home with my family.

I was also able to bring home with me my five roommates, three of which had never

celebrated a thanksgiving before.

The joy of being able to share my family, childhood memories and

thanksgiving experiences with them.

We learned how to make pumpkin pies together, took plenty of walks to enjoy this gorgeous

time of the year as well as doing many spontaneous things for the fun of it.

These things included; pulling over on the side of a random field and running barefoot across the field during sunset, taking pictures in the middle of the road, taking a 6 km run

on thanksgiving morning with toques in 2C weather, and then jumping in to the pool

at 51F at 8:30 in the morning.

It has been splendid!

 

Since its thanksgiving I also want to share my 20 latest blessing that I have entered into

my book of blessings.

 

1. The hospitality of my family.

2.Group prayer for one another

3.Cool fall mornings

4.Harvest time

5.Reconciliation

6.Being home

7.Laughter

8.Crazy spontaneous moments

9.Grace

10. Wood fires

11.Sunshine

12. Prayer

13.Support of my family {especially my parents/eldest bro and sis}

14. Pumpkin pie

15.Grandparents

16.Toques

17. Morning runs and swims on thanksgiving morning

18.My vest

19. A hearty breakfast and coffee

20. Consistent Christmas's provided by my grandmother

 

As I typed these out my mind kept thinking of the many more blessings that I have been given.

God is so good to me in provided so much love and support.

I have experienced this so clearly in the past a couple months

which has been a huge encouragement.

Many little moments that we so easily miss could have such a huge impact of blessing if only we slowed down enough to see or acknowledge them!

Please take a moment or two this thanksgiving to write your own list of blessings

that God has given just for YOU!

 

 



A time of reflection

Retreat according to Wikipedia means a time taken to reflect or meditate.

For the last couple of days I was blessed to be able to go on a retreat with the staff of Urban Promise to reflect and meditate. 

Originally I was confused why right after the first week of camp we would take a few days off. 

It seemed like a waste of time and silly to the schedule of camp but now looking back I

realized what a huge blessing that it was.

After a really great week of camp, working with the kids, assisting in math homework and getting to know the new kids it was really amazing to go away for a few days and reflect on this first week but to also meditate and be filled up and spiritually prepared for the schedule to become much busier!

The last couple days at this retreat took place in Muskoka which is gorgeous this time of the year which was amazing to be in such beautiful creation as we spent time with the Creator.

It was also a time of getting to know everyone who is working with Urban Promise!

There was a lot of life stories shared and conversations had as well as some fun ridiculous games like super hero styled soccer game with a beach ball!

We also had times of prayer, devotions and seminars on the topics of 

The motives of a missionary and The mindset of a missionary. Both where given by Brett our executive director and where both incredible!

It was a very blessed a couple days and no so silly after all as it has equipped us all

in the power of the Lord to go forward into the future!

My first week at camp went very well and I was encouraged to see how excited the kids where to see me again. I love tutoring math and I was able to do plenty of that within the first week!

I am really excited and actually cannot way until Tuesday when we start up for good!

I also want to wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving!

Take this time and season to remember all the many blessings God has provided for you!

Remember that they are indeed blessings as there are many who do not have near as much.

Life a live of thankfulness!

Finding Beauty

This morning I had the first of many intern classes where all interns come together and learn based on different topics. 

This morning we talked about what it means for kids to be at risk. 

It was eye opening and very well taught. 

After classes ended I was feeling, I'm not sure how I felt but I needed to speak about the things I had learned and could relate them to my kids. 

I wanted to make people understand what is going on right in their own neighborhoods. The hurt, pain and hopelessness that I witness in kids lives every day. I wanted to shake this world up with that true and not just want to talk about it, I want to make something change. 

I felt tired.

I tried to sleep, didn't help.

I tried eating, didn't make a difference.

Decided to go for a run to run it off, it normally works but it failed today.

Finally I sat by a brook and watched how the water fell over the rocks. 

I watched the squirrels chase each other up and down the trees that stood high and strong into the blue sky.

It was then that I realized that I had been seeking beauty.

There is evil in this world, their is pain and sorrow and hurt.

Life often time not good.

The at risk kids I work with start the race of life 100 meters behind those who have a good supportive family, abuse free, drug free neighborhoods, good school where teachers care, and good role models in their lives.

My heart hurts for the broken.

But not everything is broken, there is still beauty!

Jesus is the beauty in the mists of the brokenness.

He is still here, active and alive!

In my weakness He is strong

This blog post and called in my weakness He is strong and 

there are a few areas that I want to touch on in reference to this statement.

One is allowing yourself to be weak even when it’s embarrassing or belittling because it 

is in those times that we are stretched he most to grow. 

Something that I learned a lot during the summer and now I watch the new interns learn and that every person at Urban Promise has learned in their coming to Urban Promise is how much they suck.

 I suck, is the two word statement that everyone learns in coming here. 

That I am not able to do it, that I’m not good enough and I don’t have what it takes. But we also learn that we are able to do it and we have everything it takes because we have Jesus and through Him we are able to do anything. 

He takes us weak, stubborn and unable and uses it to His glory.

It can be a really hard lesson to learn as it feels like you are being stripped of every quality and great strength that you have but it also feels very freeing know that it doesn’t depend on you and its doesn't even have anything to do with you because it is all about God!

Challenges and trials is a common way that God teaches us this at UP. This week has been trying and full of trials and challenges for most of my roommates. I personally am standing in awe wondering why it’s not as difficult for me at the moment while at the same time knowing I will be challenged in the future as well.

There are a lot of unknowns while working in ministry and a huge need for flexibility which can be very difficult if you like to have a “plan”. Honestly I think I’ve already learned to forget about my plan because I know He has a better plan but I also know I have a lot to learn about this. He continues to through kinks and curves in what we do, not only to remind us that He is in control but also i think for us to learn a lot of lessons on the way.

Something else that we heard about this week has to do with where our focus is. It is on the work of the Lord or is our focus on the Lord of the work. Both sound good right but our focus needs to be on the Lord of the work first and the work of the Lord spills out of that. Something to remember on those days when you feel like what you do is meaningless or when you just don't see how you can keep going. 

Stop and focus on your LORD!

Okay, enough of my random thoughts we started camp and it has been great getting back in contact with the kids daily. I had a really great time today working with one girl on her math homework. This is the same girl that intimidated and scared me at the beginning of the summer and now we are 

great friends……on most day’s lol.

I am also being blown away daily by God provision of material need and financial help. He has surpassed all dreams that I had for my fundraising really showing me who is in control. Our God is soo great….if you doubt it just ask Him to show Himself!

I love being back here for all aspects of it and have really gotten so close with my roommates already. Please pray for us though as we now have to make slight changes to our living arrangements that have caused some confusion and frustrations and unhappiness. It is for the best though and I am excited for all the great things that will come out of it! 

Thank you for reading this and for your prayers!

Grand day!

So I have observed that all my post are always 

super long which should not be a surprise for any one of you who knows me. But I have decided to try and make this one shorter, so here goes!

Today was such a great day, it started with a run in the 

early morning as the sun was rising {great way to start 

any day}! Then headed to camp to finish up the rest of the planning for program next week.

Random things that really made my day amazing consists of my parents dropping by to see me on their way home from 

the airport which was super good to see them again. 

I also got to help assemble a drum set 

and yes i got to jam on it for a bit. I have decided to 

learn how to play the drums properly and I am so 

excited...... a new addition to my bucket list!!! 

Then to make this day even better we 

decided to have a girls night and eat waffles for dinner 

which is just an amazing idea to begin with but add strawberries and a bunch of toppings and man....now your talking! 

Then surprise the guys showed up at our door 

and not to steal out food but to bring us some 

bread that they picked up at a bakery. Yahh....getting 

free food is amazing :) and yes in the end they did stay and eat our food. 

I finished this grand day but playing games and watching a chick flick with my girls. A great ending to a great day, and that wasn't so short after all...oops next time I guess.

Refresh my Soul

How often do you feel run down, over whelmed or distant from God and yet knowing that it’s

 not because He has moved away from you in any way but

 because you have wondered from Him. It’s so easy to be caught up in the 

business of life, even with good things. It’s easy to busy yourself with servicing others

 but forgetting why you are serving them, it’s easy to be busy going here and there and being

 involved in everything but forgetting why they are important, it’s easy to have many 

conversations with many people but forget to look at each one as special, blessed and the treasure that they are.

Why I am writing this is mostly because I have seen this business creep into my life and I see how it is the devil’s way of destroying the good that I am trying to do.

It has been a very busy week, settling in with my four new roommates, showing them 

around and helping them figure everything out, planning for camp, as well as 

normal stuff like cooking and cleaning at the flat and trying not to get lost while

 traveling on the TTC. I can see how everything I have been doing has not been 

seen in the light of joy like it should. It is awesome stuff that I have had the chance 

to do this week but yet if I do not see it in the right light or with a proper perspective it is yet another opportunity missed.  

Last night I had the opportunity to join a group associated with the MoveIn 

organization for an evening of prayer. We prayed for persecuted Christian around the world, for our city of Toronto and in small groups for ourselves. It was an evening full of perspective for me! It

 was also a blessing for me and all my roommates to find a place we can go weekly to 

have this Christian communion and fellowship. God is so good in providing us with a church surrounding us.

So my week continues to prep and preparing for program to start with Urban Promise. 

There is a lot that is dependent on me that was not during the 

summer which is good for challenging and stretching me, been doing a lot 

of brain storming! I am so very excited though through all of the high and lows for 

all that God is going to be doing through myself and the other interns here. And the amazing thing is.... He doesn’t even need us to do any of what He has planned and yet He chooses to use us! 

He even chooses to use our foolishness and mistakes!

 Makes me shake my head in astonishment and wonder at how gracious and loving our 

Friend, Father, Saviour, Husband, and Lord is! Thanks be to Him!

Saying Yes!

Yes has been the motto for this year thus far. I am currently living with two other girls, one from BC and one from Scotland. We are also anticipating and waiting for the arrival of our other two roommates from Germany. I am so happy to be back in Toronto and back into my cozy “flat” as the Scottish calls it. We are having a lovely time getting to know each other and all seem to have the same general interests and craziness which is grand!

Since I already said that our motto thus far is saying yes, let me explain a little bit about that! From the influence of each other we have all decided to say to random things that we normally would have said no to. This may sound dangerous but don’t worry it’s about stuff like trying new food, or going for a sunrise run, or taking late night photos.

Since we have been here we have mostly spent time getting to know the people we will be working with, planning the afterschool program and walking in the communities getting to know the kids and getting them to fill out their registration forms. It was awesome to see some of the kids again and they were pretty excited to see me as well which felt great!

Yesterday we had a short day of planning since out supervisor had some else to be and so we were able to take the new “tourists” down town to the harbour front. We also got this really awesome blessing to go see the Jays game for free. There is a company that donates tickets to go see games, sometimes baseball, or basketball or hockey. During the school program we would take the kids but since it has not started yet our supervisor gave them to us and we got to watch the Jays! They lost 2 to 3.

Then when we got home way to late and completely exhausted I fell asleep for exactly one hour till I woke up again when our new “flat mate” arrived from Germany. The poor girl had to meet us all half asleep and not entirely with it. This morning has been a lot better so far.

I am really excited to start camp as I hear so much about it! Camp will run Tuesdays till Thursdays and on Friday we make a dinner with the kids from the program and with any other kids from the community that want to come for more of an evangelistic evening. When I am not at camp I will be doing a number of different things; attending a weekly worship service with all of Urban Promise staff, volunteering at a school, Intern classes and apartment devotion/meeting morning. So we have just over a week of training and planning then all of this will begin!!

Thanks again everyone for your support as you have given of yourself!! Its greatly appreciated!