Tears

Some times silent, other times loud and very messy, tears come in many ways for many reasons but they always express an emotion.

Over the years of doing ministry in at risk communities and running after school program for children I have experienced many moments of tears for many different reasons. 

Tears of pain and hurt, of laughter and joy, of frustration, of seething anger, and sometimes just because they don't know how else to express themselves. 

Tears are a gift, they are full of meaning and weight. My husband often says to me he wishes he could cry as it is not a very common for him. The day of our wedding he wanted to cry, to have his yes joy expressed through tears and again when I told him we were pregnant a moment he wished he could have cried. Tears are a gift, a way to express deep feeling whether full of joy or sorrow. Tears wash down our faces helping to relieve the extent of emotion being felt often leaving us tired or exhausted and it a strange way at times feeling better. 

But tears are also as the same time sometimes the only coping mechanism for expressing deep hurt, pain or anger. They can be an uncontrolled way our bodies respond to shock and deep heart wrenching hurt, pain or fear. 

In this season at camp I have lots of criers. Kids who are quick to tears as a result or reaction to almost anything. Their upset, they cry, they didn't catch the ball, they cry. They made some one else cry, they still cry.  It is in these moments that emotions are all being expressed in the exact same way, tears. A baby is born and cries to express anything and everything, crying is it's primary way of communicating, but as the child grows so should their ability to communicate to many different emotions and desires in many different ways. But sometimes they don't, sometimes there is so little stable, healthy examples of emotions being expressed in right or helpful ways that they don't learn and constantly resort to what is known to them, tears. 

A huge part of what we do at camp is helping kids to understand they have the ability to make choices. That no one else makes their choices for them, other people may effect they way they feel but they actually have the ability to choose how they react to those feelings and to empower them to make those decisions in knowledge that they are. This is tied so closely to emotions, we are humans, react and respond based on so many emotions in a day and kids do the same, often following the poor examples of those around them. In anger they hit, in fear they bully, in sadness they hid, in pain they cause pain. This task of helping kids to make good choices is tied very closely to helping them understand and identity their emotions before reacting to how they feel as well as teaching healthy alternatives to expressing such emotions. 

To linger

I drove up around 2 not really knowing how this would go. It was the Friday before Thanksgiving and I wanted to see some beauty so I invited her to go to the bluffs with me. She got in the car and we set off. I wasn’t sure how this would go, would we have things to talk about, would she enjoy just exploring with me? This could last a total of 10 mins or who knows maybe even an hour.

As we approached the store line we dipped our hands into the cool water. As the waves lapped up onto the beach I was reminded of what waves explain to me so well, grace! Constant, over and over again a steady stream, of grace. Do I share this? Hey T, I started do you know what waves remind me of? She looked up and waited for me to continue. I took my hand and make a mark in the sand quickly before the wave came and running over it returned it to its smooth surface. Grace, I said. That mark is like our sin but God’s grace comes and washes over it with power. She took her hand and slowly began to mark her own marks as if experimenting to see if in deed the wave would wash it away.

This 14 year old girl shared about school, about the boy who got stabbed and died the week before from her school. She talked about her grandparents and family and all the things she hasn’t done and wants to do. We sat on rocks and watched the waves discussing boats and the color of the water and lake Ontario, over an hour past as we sat and talked.

Noticing the high cliffs surrounding the beach she asked what was up there and so we drove up and around to the top of the bluffs we were admired the view. T stood in wonder soaking it in than she sat with her feet over the end and just breathed it all in. I settled down beside her as she made comments of the view and how she could look at it all day and the wind how good it felt. I was in wonder! Yes, I fully agree but for this 14 year old to embrace and love it? There was no wifi, no phone, no peers and here she sat fully soaking up the sun, the view, the wind and the beauty of God.

We headed back to the community to meet with other grade 9’s who were applying to be volunteers in the afterschool program. I thought it would be a quick process of handing out some forms but instead T and her friend lingered for a couple hours. Feeling nervous about filling in an application and not being very strong in writing we sat together, me explaining the form, they giving me the answers. Me writing their answers out on a paper, they rewriting what I wrote onto the form, 

Once this was finished they asked if I could give them a ride to McDonalds so off to McDonalds we went, we order our own food and sat in the kiddy play area talking about school and life. Once another hour had passed I drove them back home and headed home myself. Overwhelmed in joy of what had just happened.

It amazes me the way these youth desire to just be in someone presence. To linger and to be cared for in the simplest of ways and yet so often my heart is fearful of their moments not knowing how they will respond, not always knowing where they are at, yet what I am learning is rather than trying to figure it all out first just making myself available for these moments as they arise!