Crochet!

I am a visionary. I love planning and setting goals and then achieving them. Sometimes things take me longer then I planned, but if I planned something I do my best to make sure it happens. Back in November I was going to teach my girls how to crochet.  But I was nervous that they would not like it and it would be more of a battle then an enjoyment and so I kept pushing it off.

However you can only push something off for so long and so yesterday I pulled out the yarn and hooks and brought them to camp. As homework wrapped up I asked one of the girls (who was wearing a headband) if she wanted to learn how to make one.  She was ten times more excited than I ever anticipated and the rest of the girls joined in quickly. In a few minutes I had six girls sitting begging me to teach them how. Now learning how to crochet is hard and teaching is even hard especially when there are six different girls to teach.

They kept at it for a long time over and over again begging me to look, fix or just watch them to make sure they were doing it right. It made me so happy to be able to teach them something that is so abnormal to do these days but even more it was thrilling to see how excited they were.

My reasons for wanted to teach them was to have them working on a project that was hard and would take perseverance but that they could keep and be proud of when they finished.  Watching them yesterday was a clear indication that this could and would be accomplished, when they grow frustrated they did not give up and when it was time to stop they asked if they could take the materials home to work on it there.

When they returned today I was planning on cooking with them, so they sat in the kitchen with me and as I cooked…… they crocheted!  Lol they really amazing me some days! :)

The goodness of our God!

The goodness of our God was overwhelming this week. So many moments looking back that I could clearly see Christ working in my kids. I could see change in small yet significant ways.

One day due to a smaller number of youth we decided to combine the two girl groups and do the bible study together. I led it on Colossians 3:12-17 discussing the things that God desires for us to be, characteristics of a Christian. I also had an activity that I once did in a workshop with Liz Schouwstra which was filling in two mirrors, the first with things that I saw in my own reflection, good and bad. The second filling with the things we learned from the bible that God desires for us to be.
The girls completed this activity and then discussed the things that we have trouble being, things like being patient or kind and talked about how we could work on being these things more intentionally.

Honestly I did not think it went very well, it felt like they just went through the motions missing the main points wanting the bible study to finish so that they could go play. But it was later were I was smacked in the face with the reality of how God working in that bible study even when I couldn't see it.
A group of kids, mixed gender and age were all playing a game together, that alone was amazing, to see girls who normally don't socialize sharing in a personal joke! But it was during this time that one of the girls who had shared that she struggled with patience was getting quite frustrated with one of the boys and one of the leaders overheard her coaching and reminding herself to be patient and not to get angry, that my friends is God alive and active in this young lady!

I also had the opportunity to leader the entire group in bible study this past Friday evening. Earlier this week I sat down to start to plan and couldn't for the life of me thing of a topic to lead it on. I left it a couple days frustrated with the fact that there was nothing I could think of that was good enough. But then God places a burden on my heart to talk about carrying one another burdens. I must say that it must be frustrating and amazing to be a pastor and have the burden of coming up with things to preach on but then having God place things on your heart to preach on because it was such a cool experience for me. So I prepared the bible study.
When Friday night rolled around I was quite frustrated and burden with a few things myself. Try to teach a bible study on burdens when you feel weighed down is not a very  good place to be but again God is sovereign. My street leader jumped right in with helping and God moved. He opened their hearts to hear what I was saying and He moved them to respond with their own thoughts and ideas. Kids who normally remain quiet spoke up and shared burdens they were carrying as well as ways they could help carry others burdens. The amazing part is we could finish this discussion about burdens and how we can do things physically to help others by marveling over how Christ came and took from us the greatest burden of all which is our sin and how we don't need to be weighed down by it anymore!

 “Cast your burdens on God and He will sustain you, he will never permit the righteous to be moved.” Psalm 55:22

Watching the sun rises in my life

            It’s early, thus the title. It is my morning to sleep in but this week it happens to be one of my peers birthday and he had to get up early. Growing up birthdays were a big deal in my home and we had a lot of them! Every time it was some ones birthday we would all be up early and joined together in the living room even before we had breakfast. We would hide the gifts we had for the person and they would have to seek to find them. I didn't realize until yesterday how big of a deal we made birthdays and how that spilled over into how I view birthdays, they are a big deal! 

So why am I up this early, to make him a birthday cup of coffee! A huge happy birthday to you man if you’re reading this, it’s a big deal ;)

It was also a good enough reason to get me out of bed and make use of my morning and watch the sun rise. I love mornings but it is difficult to convince myself of that most days. I love the quietness of the apartment, the sky changing colors and the sound of little traffic {for the small amount of time that there is little traffic}.

Mornings are also a good time to think and to pray. I have continually been convicted that I don’t pray for my kids enough and I know I don’t. I can’t imagine being a parent and desire to pray for them every day for my kids; it is a difficult task and for all of your parents out there who do I have great respect for you!

Pray makes a huge difference and I can see it time and time again. Around 3 o’clock every day my team meets in the office to sit and pray or to do a small devo before the kids come. This is because my supervisors strongly believe and have seen that when we come before the Almighty who has authority over all things and has been here long before us the day goes a lot smoother, when we make Him the center by lifting up the day to Him, the day is then focused around God and His agenda not our own. This has taught me a lot and I have seen the difference it makes, not just because we pray but how we pray but were our hearts are at makes a huge difference.

Yesterday was an outstanding day with my kids. I saw things in them and about them that I had not seen in them before. One girl who comes never stays, her mom uses our program more as a day care and always picks her daughter up 15-30 minutes into program resulting in her missing well everything really. Yesterday was different, her mom came to pick her up and the walked out only this time they stopped in the hallway. A few minutes they were back and she explained to me that her daughter wanted to stay and she would come back. Her daughter has wanted to stay since she started coming in Sept  I don’t know what changed, whether she finally stood up and told her mom or what but she stayed and had a great time!

Another one of my girls who really dislikes me the majority of the time respond so well to me yesterday, normally filled with frustration and anger piled up from a lot of things was surprisingly very mellow and very open to just talking together. This young lady as well as one of her close friends normally really struggled to buckle down and do their homework. It tends to be battle every day to get them focused and started on something when they are trying to avoid me and talk about boys. Shockingly yesterday they let me sit with them without argument and we read over their science questions discussing the answers as a group without too much of a battle.

To finish the day I got to spend quality time with my amazing young men. They typically play basketball every day and all day which makes talking with them difficult. Yesterday they joined my in the kitchen to learn how to make bruschetta and we had a great time working together, talking about life, past interns, and man did we ever do a good job. That was some of the best tasting bruschetta I had mostly due to the fact that I was super proud of how well they did and their faces and comments while eating it.

These things are my rays of sun shine, just like a sun rise they break through after a period of darkness and shine who much brighter then you remember.

Before I end this post I want to share a few prayer requests for a few of my kids in the hope that you will take a few minutes and pray for them and over them. Lifting them up to our Father and Creator in the heavenly realms who cares for them more then you or I ever could.

~For one of my girls

•    To understand her value and worth
•    Pray against peer pressure
•    That she would dream and dream big without fear

~For another girl

•    To have confidence in the right things
•    That she would look to God to find love
•    That she would learn to value her one opinion and thoughts
•    That she would not be influenced by just feelings but her knowledge

~For one of my young men

•    That he would trust me and let me love him
•    That he would learn to respect and value others
•    That above all he would listen to God’s voice

~For another young man

•    Wisdom and patience for his education and growth in his math studies
•    That he would have a joy that is from you and one that calms his soul
•    Pray against the desires for worldly temptations

~And the last one for another young man

•    That he would learn how to lead well the ones who are younger them him
•    For patience with others
•    And for wisdom, conviction and clarity were his views on God are incorrect or slightly confused

Thank you for faithfully reading and in so doing joining with me in my ministry. Please pray for these kids that above all they would come to have a real personal faith and love for our Lord, pray that He would continue the good work in them until it is complete! 

Regretting that cup

Ever have one of those moments when your lying in bed staring at the roof and wondering what ever possessed you to convince you to have a cup of coffee at 10 pm? That was 5 mins ago for me and now here I am sitting on the coach trying to think of a way to make myself tired!

I have been stupidly tired and exhausted all week and then BAM today I had so much energy and now I am not tired! Drives me insane! So what do I do....I reflect on the day!
Today was a very good day! Every Thursday our camp is blessed by receiving food donations from second harvest and today again we were able to fill up our cupboards and freezer with supplies.

Camp has been a little bit different this week due to drama, physical fight happening at school between two of our girls and sides being taken. When things like this happen in the community among our kids the number of kids who attend camp also goes down. This can be very frustrating since we can't always have contact then with the kids who are involved and in my mind should be coming to camp. But as i experienced today it can also be a very good thing only having a very kids. It provides a lot of one to one time which can be so beneficial! The last a couple days we have only had up to five girls coming out but have been able to spend really good time with them having meaningful conversation which most likely would not have had other wise.

A few things that have made me smile this week are:

~One of my thirteen year old girls walking into the homework room while throwing her arms wide open and declaring that "the princess has arrived!"

~The seven year old boy I pick up from school telling me that he had a good day because he learned something. when I asked him what it was that he learned he said, " I learned how to flip my eye lid the wrong way" and proceeded to show me.

~My daily greetings with the sweet crosswalk gentleman.

On a side note I have gotten pretty addicted to this really neat website called www.sprocle.com
one of my new years resolutions was to learn all 197 countries in the world and were they are. One of my friends introduced me to this website last night were I can practice naming all of the countries. It is very addiction but also super good for learning!! Today I was able to name 122 of the 197 countries in the world. We shall see how long it takes me to learn them all!

Taken "down" during recess!

The bell rang and I followed the crowd of kids outside for recess. Met up with my peer and walked around the field saying hi to kids and just wondering around! It wasn't long until my peer noticed a random kid sitting alone and went to talk to her. I at that moment noticed one of the girls from camp who is always super excited to see us so I called her name. She spun around and started running towards me.

Before I go continue I need to explain a little bit about this girl. She is 9 years old and is

incredible sweet.She is also well built and has a tendency to run right into me for a hug.

Back to the story, I watched her running towards and braced myself for her slamming hug.

One thing I did not think about was the distance she had to run and the speed that she

would pick up. The next thing I know a 9 year old girl was jumping into my arms full force. 

The next thing I knew I was lying on the ground of the recess field with a lot of kids 

watching. I sat up and check to see if she was okay but she was already on my 

back hugging me in what I think was fear of me being mad and shock from what had 

happened. I asked her to get off of me so I could get up since my knee was throbbing but 

in her embarrassed state she just wanted to be assured. I final convinced her to stand up 

and was able to hug her and tell her how much I love her and how she makes me smile! It 

was not that much later when I noticed my knee was swelling a little and I hobbled around 

for the next half of the day! I am happy to say me and this little girl were able to laugh 

and joke about it later when she came to camp and I will never forget how I was 

“bounced” by a 9 year old girl! :)

Gedachten

It’s frustrating, trying to explain myself; everyone tries to understand but it never feels like they can really grasp what I try to convey. When I speak about my kids, about their lives, what we do at camp and how I see little things in them that make my day.

It being Tuesday we as staff and interns of Urban Promise met for fellowship this morning. We discussed chapter four of When helping hurts by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert. As the conversation progressed we talked about how there are so many people and even churches who can be very eager and willing to help when there is need for immediate relief in crisis but how the number of churches or even people who step forward to help in the long term development through building relationships. Yes, everyone wants to build relationships but when it means that it could be inconvenient or take priority over other more desired things the eagerness starts to wear of. But not only that but it is much more attractive to say that you have provided food for 100 starving orphans in Africa then it is to say that you hung out and build relationships with 10 people. It is so sad to think about how much convenience and self-image rule how we think and what we do.

This made me think of how difficult it can be at times explaining to people what it is that I do. Yah I hang out with kids, I help with homework, prepare snack and play games. I organize a few bible studies a week and I make a point of being a part of their lives. Seems good enough right, I’m trying to do good and to help out but so many miss what I can see. So often people look for huge results or sudden miraculous change but it is not for those things that I do what I do. I mean it is and I would love to have those amazing changes in the kids I hang out with. But that is not how I measure what I do. I am excited over one kids helping another, or someone speaking up for someone else. When they ask questions and are digging deeper into the bible studies and when I see tiny little steps in their growth. It’s a long term thing; it can’t be done in a two week mission trip. It can’t be done without become attached, or without it being difficult, inconvenient or even frustrating. They are not going to change overnight, no one ever does. You don’t so you can’t expect them to. You can’t compare them to yourself or desire for them to be like you because they are not you. They are their own person and have to walk their own life and learn and grow in their own ways at times. There are going to be mistakes on either ends, on mine and on theirs. There may be some really tough days, weeks or even months. Horrible choices may be made and that’s okay, we can then work at learning from them, growing from them and not making them again.

It is the end of a good, fun, tiring, and slightly frustrating day. But it is good, even when things don’t go quite as well as I wanted, I can still confidently say that It is well. That God is working and moving not only now when I am here but before I was ever here, before Urban Promise was here and that he will continue to move and work after I and everyone else is gone.  

I so wish I could clearly convey the challenges, joys, surprises, disappointments, encouragements,  struggles and pure pleasure it is building relationships with these kids.

Midnight thoughts

It's forty eight minutes past midnight, I should have been in bed long ago but there is not enough peace for that quite yet.
The little apartment is dark and silent except for the music I have playing softly. Today was the first day that every girl was back living together. I love our little place here, as I look out my window I see city lights, airplanes flying over head and always traffic no matter the time. It is a busy place to live but that explains the live style I am in.
Coming back was a warmly welcome occurrence. Don't get me wrong I enjoy my two weeks of vacation. Seeing and visiting with many friends and family as well as taking a five day road trip to New York, Virginia and DC with friends and a few stranger who are know friends was the perfect break. It was exciting, adventurous, relaxing and amazing just having such a great opportunity to travel with such great people.
But coming back was really like coming home, the apartment, camp, the work that i am involved in, everything.
Today was a rough day for me personally, I often have every vivid dreams and often time i can remember them quiet clearly. Last night was one of these experiences except in this dream a very special person to me died. I don't know if you have ever experiences something like this but I woke up very very upset. It was a very strange sensation.
I was also tired and frustrated with a few personal things so I just wasn't in that great of a place first thing this morning.
As time for camp rolled around my aim for the day was more survival  to just get through it without major issues. The problem with this is that it in fact goes against everything I am aiming to change for the second half of this year.
I was pleasantly surprised to see God moving and working in not only me but also in my kids. A group of my girls showed up early and chilling out in the office for a bit. Normally these girls like to be left alone and not be bothered with having a leader in the room. To understand this just picture a few teenagers trying to hang out with their mom in the room. Surprisingly they were not objected to me hanging out with them and I was able to have some good conversation with them in more of a friend setting which I really appreciated.
As the evening proceeded it got better and better. During the bible study portion we discussed the things we value in life and that what we value often times is something that draws us away from God instead of closer.
One of the really amazing parts of this was that both street leaders pipped up and challenged the kids to really evaluate whether how they living and what they put first in life was what and how "Christians" should live.
Moving on to game time was a really fun hang out time, newspaper fights which ended up in having the entire gym floor littered with ripped up news paper to seeing every last youth working together to clean it up. From twelve year old boys breaking out in dance because they kicked butt in playing to wii, having those few minutes of intentional conversation with the boys who only come once a week to walking a thirteen year old girl home because she is scared to walk alone with only opens up more doors for conversation.

After such an amazing day you'd think i'd get home and fall into bed but instead I come home to a house full of my friends were we sit and chat, play games and watch a movie together. To this place were we have community which isn't always easy but if it is viewed and treated rightly, edifies and causes awesome spiritual growth and for that I am thankful!