Gedachten

It’s frustrating, trying to explain myself; everyone tries to understand but it never feels like they can really grasp what I try to convey. When I speak about my kids, about their lives, what we do at camp and how I see little things in them that make my day.

It being Tuesday we as staff and interns of Urban Promise met for fellowship this morning. We discussed chapter four of When helping hurts by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert. As the conversation progressed we talked about how there are so many people and even churches who can be very eager and willing to help when there is need for immediate relief in crisis but how the number of churches or even people who step forward to help in the long term development through building relationships. Yes, everyone wants to build relationships but when it means that it could be inconvenient or take priority over other more desired things the eagerness starts to wear of. But not only that but it is much more attractive to say that you have provided food for 100 starving orphans in Africa then it is to say that you hung out and build relationships with 10 people. It is so sad to think about how much convenience and self-image rule how we think and what we do.

This made me think of how difficult it can be at times explaining to people what it is that I do. Yah I hang out with kids, I help with homework, prepare snack and play games. I organize a few bible studies a week and I make a point of being a part of their lives. Seems good enough right, I’m trying to do good and to help out but so many miss what I can see. So often people look for huge results or sudden miraculous change but it is not for those things that I do what I do. I mean it is and I would love to have those amazing changes in the kids I hang out with. But that is not how I measure what I do. I am excited over one kids helping another, or someone speaking up for someone else. When they ask questions and are digging deeper into the bible studies and when I see tiny little steps in their growth. It’s a long term thing; it can’t be done in a two week mission trip. It can’t be done without become attached, or without it being difficult, inconvenient or even frustrating. They are not going to change overnight, no one ever does. You don’t so you can’t expect them to. You can’t compare them to yourself or desire for them to be like you because they are not you. They are their own person and have to walk their own life and learn and grow in their own ways at times. There are going to be mistakes on either ends, on mine and on theirs. There may be some really tough days, weeks or even months. Horrible choices may be made and that’s okay, we can then work at learning from them, growing from them and not making them again.

It is the end of a good, fun, tiring, and slightly frustrating day. But it is good, even when things don’t go quite as well as I wanted, I can still confidently say that It is well. That God is working and moving not only now when I am here but before I was ever here, before Urban Promise was here and that he will continue to move and work after I and everyone else is gone.  

I so wish I could clearly convey the challenges, joys, surprises, disappointments, encouragements,  struggles and pure pleasure it is building relationships with these kids.