Learning

It’s in that moment that complete and utter frustration hits.  When you know you have the right to feel wounded and hurt but you don’t. You shove it off as if it was a brush on the shoulder and you continue on to prove that you can make it through. But everything after things big or small just keep adding to that frustration and you catch yourself holding your breath and saying nothing even when a million things are running through your head.

It is the last day of regular camp for the year 2012 and things felt like they could have not gone any worse. All the buildup for this last day, the special plans, extra attention given and special gifts and cards to show affection were bought and ready to be given. Things turned bad so fast, attitudes, disrespect and anger. Trying to make the most out of every moment only to be met with silence, rude comments and zero participation. Gifts were given and received with a mumble of a thank you without any real gratitude or appreciation. One particular girl, handed the gift right back to me with the words, I don’t want it.

There are no words for things like this. You can’t explain or describe it in a way that others would understand. But something one of my supervisors said does help me to understand and be okay when something like this happens. He said, “Working with these kids sure does teach you a lot of Christ.” He could not be more right. Think about it, God fights for you every day, he battles to spend time with you, he seeks to show you in every situation that he wants to be close to you. He cares for you, provides for you and seeks to show you his love through it all. He gave you a gift, special gift and he desires for you to take pleasure in it and to appreciate it, to accept it. How many times do you shove the gift God gave you back into his face?

I am so guilty of this, when I make the decision to mull around in my sin instead of living is he wills. When I do not appreciate what Christ did for me, or when I do not speak of it to others. I am so guilty of be ungrateful for what I do not receive but what has been given to me anyways. One of the biggest things God has been showing me through these kids is love, a kind of love that gives when it isn't deserved. This has helped me while working with the kids but on a bigger and deeper level it has shown me more clearly the wonder of the gift that Christ has extended to me.