Cry for control

 “I don’t like that!” she sat bad in her seat with her arms cross in rejection of the words being spoken. She continued to listen as the speaker spoke of our need to recognizing our weakness and our need for the Lord’s strength. As she finished the woman turned to each other around the table to discuss in small groups. Tayler again lashed out, “I am not weak”, she said it spit, “if I was weak I would be dead right now, I don’t like that.” At finishing her outburst she left the table briefly. My fellow mentor and I caught one another’s eye not expecting this reaction from a woman who typically avoids talking about anything spiritual. Upon her return to our table of moms, I began to ask her why she felt that way. She spoke of her past, of experiences, people, situations and lies convinced that she was not weak.

I could hear a cry for control laced in all her words, a desperation of needing to be strong for herself, a fear of submitting and giving that control over. It was such a clear opposition of the truth that I am quite sure that this is an area God has already started His work in.

The fellow mom’s at the table spoke up, sharing their own experiences and stories. As the conversation continued there was such beauty of openness and honesty shared as each woman besides myself struggled with physical diseases and illnesses and battle against health difficulties. Tayler continued speaking her frustrations continually apologizing for her not accepting of the things we believed, “maybe I am just screwed up this morning,” she said.

I assured her that we were happy for her honesty of struggling with it, of my own difficulties of accepting the fact that I need to be weak and humbled before God. We assured her that we had better discussion because of her openness to share.

Ironically our morning session moved on to budgeting through a CAP (Christians against poverty) money course we are doing. A message of weakness and inability in herself continued to be preached as tears were shed. My prayer for this Mom is for her to see weakness not as a bad thing but as a surrender to something far better. I pray that God would continue to use Mom’s Arise to be a place of acceptance and truth. I pray that God would continue to speak this truth into her life and that she would find peace resting in His strength in her life.