Easy verses hard!

Early evening and I am sitting in my apartment alone listening to the sound of acoustic guitar and the pump in the fish tank. I'm not even sure what to write about but am bored and want to get some thoughts out.

 I am currently on day 4 of my break before gearing up for summer program with Urban Promise and I am already restless. I didn't have much planned for the day and spent it mostly cleaning up around the apartment and skyping family, then was convinced by a room mate to get out of the apartment and go for a walk in the park and just my luck it started raining, like heavy raining but since we were already soaked we stayed and ended up having a good time and got to watch some deer wondering around for a bit.

So even looking back over this day it was fun and productive but during everything I felt bored and frustrated with the fact that I had nothing to do, not purpose and nothing pushing me to do anything. I woke up stared at the ceiling and thought there is no reason to get out of bed because I have nothing to do. Now this could be because I have been so busy all year with things to do and places to be and never really having that chance to be bored or the fact that I often get so caught up in needed a very evident reason for everything I do. I need a goal to work towards, a bar to reach and if there isn't anything that it seems pointless in my mind.

I'm not sure yet how to fix this about me, I mean its not all bad but it defiantly can be negative! I think about of it has to do with what I view a purpose being, God has a lot of purposes for me each and every day but either they don't seem important enough for me or I refuse to see them for what they are.

I hate breaks, I like to be busy doing what I love and I really dislike not being able to do them. But I also know that breaks are needed and that Jesus talked a lot about taking a break and stopping to be with God, but some times it is far easier to work hard for God then to spend a lot of time with God. Working for Him doesn't always shove honest truth into our faces or make us go really deep and intimate with God. It is so much easier to stay on the surface but God want us to go deep. He wants to know us, personally, individually and intimately well!